It's funny that I want you so bad but you disgust me at the same time.
You could never be mine.
I could never allow that.
You hurt me,
confuse me,
and then want me to come running back to you when you need me.

But I don't need you....

...though my heart tells me I do.

I know you're bad for me,
and yet it's you I think about in every passing thought,
in every quiet dream,
and in every lingering fantasy.

All I feel is a whole lot of empty.

Nothingness.

And you don't understand how overwhelming that is.

I need everything to stop,
just for a while so I can regain my sanity.

But it doesn't.
Everything keeps going and I don't have a second to gain control.

So I spin out.

Who loves me?
No one perhaps.
But you loved me,
And now you're gone.
I reminisce on times past
as I sit here all alone.

You would smile at me and tell me things
Like our love was greater than life.
But now I know
and now I see
That it couldn't have been,
for you're not here with me.

I was dizzy,
And I mourned.

I've never seen you that way.

The sky was blue and the sun was bright ,
Just like the day we got the news.

You really were the sunshine of our life.
You always will be.

I was so innocent.
And you took that from me.
I was so happy.
And you took that from me.
I was so confused,
And you made me believe-
that no other man would ever love me.

We were all broken-
but that was nothing new.
Nevertheless,
we continued to fight.
All of us had different mechanisms.

Mines was the worst.

I tried to swallow my pain
and somehow I always ended up choking.
Or vomiting up all the "I'm fine" and "I'm just tired" excuses...
but they kept me whole.
They kept me in charge of myself.

They also kept me broken.

But that was nothing new...
for I've always been that way.

I just wanted to take a moment,
and think about the times,
the memories,
the joys.
Before I was broken.

Before you ruined me.

Before my heart broke.

When I was healed.

My life was far from perfect,
but I was going to be alright.

Until I met you.

You were the best worse thing that has ever happened to me.
You filled me up
and then emptied me out.
But it was you.
So what could I say?

You changed me.
But what could I do when all I wanted was you??
And it's crazy because even though I know you're not good for me
I still want you.

Right now I want you more than ever.