I got attacked by emotions unexpectedly
It was a sudden turn of life. It was as if ma
life got cursed
I met love which seemed abit shy but it
came in an introduced me to its friend
Happyness
Happyness showed me the true meaning
of love, and surely I did stupid things for
love
Amazingly I saw the true colours of
love.....they were too horrific and painful
towards my heart and soul
Smalls strings of bones in ma heart were
broken and that's when I met
sadness...sadness introduced me to his
guys called Anger and ignorance which led
me to their boss called bitterness. Through
bitterness I was mad as **** then I lost
everything...I faced depression which
made ma mind think terrible things about
me. Suicidal thoughts came along me but
then I thought to myself. After dying what
was I going to be worth to the people
who loved me. I had to complete my legacy
in life. Through the road the goddess came
along within me, his name was hate..I
hated everything I loved with a lot of
jealousy though. And yes...I met jealousy
through all these emotions. Jealousy would
make you like seeing another person
suffer. Everyone thought I was just a
happy kid in need of nothing in his life. But
I was as lonely as a scientist living in a lab
on his own.
U seeing me smile is just another fake
disguise of the shame of feelings I had
within me
I'd like to think myself as a black EMO kid
who lives for nothing but TROMATIZING
LOVE

I’m a functionally depressed person.
I’ve self-diagnosed myself as this
Because severe depression makes
Me feel like I should be lying
Around my house all day and
Although I’d rather wrap myself
In the blankets of my bed,
I push myself out into the day.
Dressed in an outfit that’s not
Sweatpants and a t-shirt, but
Instead, jeans and a sweater.
Long sleeves to cover the cuts
On my arm, or many bracelets
With no colors that match my
Outfit but they cover my
Self-inflicted wounds from
The night before.
I fake a smile at people
That I pass by during the day
And I hope that they can’t
See through my eyes and into
My head. I hope they can’t read
The suicidal thoughts swimming
Around, filling the lack of serotonin
That I’m missing from my brain.
Their eyes feel like lasers shooting
Into my brain like bullets that I dream
Of releasing from the chamber
To settle in my head.
I’m a functionally depressed person
Because I function in society
Without anyone knowing that
Inside, I’m already dead.

Falling apart is like falling in love
But without all the love.

Falling apart is like those times
Those times when you were a kid and scraped your knee,
But there's nobody around
Nobody to patch you up.

If falling apart is like falling in love
Then falling in love is like going whitewater rafting with your partner
But you've both got life jackets, and it's a Grade 2 River and it's safe and
You're having a great time.

If falling in love is like falling apart
Then falling apart is like going whitewater rafting with a stick for an oar
With no life jackets, in a Grade 6 River which is dangerous and almost suicidal and then
Your partner throws you off.

Sure, it's exciting
Homicide is exciting, in a twisted way, right?
But that doesn't mean it's a good thing
Because it's bad.

Sometimes exciting is bad
When exciting is lacking love.

Heart pounding,
   Through the night
She knows the darkness well
     Been blinded by the light
And dragged through hell

Soul crushing,
   Through the days
She knows the pain never ends
     Been sliced open, fogged and dazed
And the voices in her head,
Have become her only friends

Head throbbing
   Through the dreams
She knows the sound of silence not
     Been left wounded, no one to hear her screams
And tortured by the presence of one single thought

Death knocking
   Through the silence
She knows he'll keep waiting, just like before
     Been failing at keeping up her defence
And this time, she simply opens the **door

because i believed you
because i never realized how brown your eyes really were until i had the courage to stare
because you told me you were happier this way
because i don't feel suicidal when i'm with you
because you wanted me to meet your mother
because you never ask me what's wrong
because you don't care about anything
because i wanted to know what would happen
because i was too scared to ask
because ******* for leaving the first time
because i love you for coming back
because you only ever touch me when you're drunk
because his lips didn't feel like yours
because he made me laugh but not the way you could
because of 3 am nights with you are all i want to remember
because 3 am nights without you sit in the middle of my chest like a boulder
because my father warned me
because i can't do it anymore
because i can't do it anymore

She is too comfortable
With how well the noose
Sits around her neck
Waiting for her to
Finally release built up
Agony.

Can I numb my body one last time?
You say you'll haunt me if
I overdose
I bleed out
I keep my food from digesting
I **** myself
Whether it is intentional or not.

Quitting cold turkey
Is a ***** and a half
But when you quit three things at once
When your life is still a living hell
You find yourself moody
And depressed
And angry.

How is it possible
That when I decide to stop cutting
Stop purging
Stop hurting my body
Stop denying myself
That I start to have those
Suicidal and foreboding thoughts
Enter my brain again?
Not that I'll act on them.

Obsessive thoughts
Lead to compulsive behaviors
I know this far too well.
The bleak practice of picking my skin
Will all but disappear from my routine.
But hey, at least it can't **** me.

Smoking some tobacco
As well as other assorted chemicals
Could send me to my grave.
It's a little bit of a longer flight, however.
And stress is a more direct route.
I guess you have to pick your battles.

People say they hate to be numbed
I guess that's why people abuse painkillers?
Sorry, I'm feeling distastefully sarcastic today.
But my point is
I don't mind it
Because take away the medicine
And you're forced to deal with whatever reality
Brought you to that point.
Might as well procrastinate while you can get away with it.
But it's a dangerous wire to dance on.

If I could only slide my wrists and die...
If I only could leave this place behind...
If I only could OD on some pills or...
Jump of a building so high...

I fear I did be gone by now
Weren't it for those people who care
That I am fighting

I want to die
Hurt myself
Commit suicide
But I promised them not too