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Allyssa Jun 2019
I feel inadequate,
To say the least.
I mostly feel mad about it,
It's like taming a beast.
I haven't written my jittery thoughts down,
I haven't been able to feel the dark creeping again,
But I feel it now.
I feel every bit of cold,
I feel every bit of sadness,
All I want to feel is fire.
Fire upon any desire,
Other than this.
Other than the plague of my existence on every warm night,
On every sunny day.
I'm like the ******* highway during rush hour between holidays,
A struggle to maintain this facade of normality.
I don't sleep during the summer.
Allyssa Jun 2019
Moon-lit slits through ivory curtains,
Windows kept ajar for creeping secrets,
The sound of humming busy bugs.
Beds kept warm through unconscious bodies,
This was what summer was about.
Silly whispers of unkempt persons,
Clothes of disarray,
Tangled limbs and kisses of good mornings,
Time seemingly kept at bay.
Memories never made so none were lost,
Places never visited so never seen,
People of uncharted territory so they were never missed.
Fingers roaming unwanted strangers in the dark,
More silly whispers about a forgotten tomorrow,
No more good morning kisses of today.
I can't seem to sleep during these hauntingly sweet nights.
She can walk
          between
             night and day
               never letting either
                  get in her way.
She learned this trick
                     many moons ago
                                by
                     going deep within
           and never letting it show.
Her soul is innocent
her heart is pure
she’s gone through more
than most could endure.
            She’s an angel of light
                 an angel of dark
                 you never know
              what you will spark.
                      You want to hurt her?
                         Please, go ahead and try
                           she’ll be the one to show you
                                  just how well she can
                                                              f
­                                                                l­
                                                                ­  y.
                                  Her soul innocent
                    her heart pure
      but never think for one minute
that she’s not secure.
                                Say what you will
                          please, do what you must
                       but your jealousy and hatred
                             won’t waver her trust!
~
Even Those Angels Out There Have Their Limits…..
Allyssa Apr 2019
A story isn’t a story without the beginning.
A beginning that told us from the start that there was an end,
An end so near that we were not ready.
I was afraid of the cliffhanger that approached quicker than a rolling thunderstorm,
A storm that looked only of dark skies with hopes of a drizzle,
Not a flood.
Our passion died like the fire within that storm,
The drizzle that turned from a downpour into a flood warning into a whirling tornado of unhappiness.
My dear, I wish I could say we were the storm but I was the rain and you were the fire but the thing was,
You saw me coming.
You saw the storm and the rain yet you lit yourself upon a dry Sahara of promises and the secret I do’s we whispered to each other during the night.
That dry, crackled earth turned soft and squishy from the waves of turmoil that rained down onto the surface,
The fire doused with remorse over a lost lover.
You weren’t dead,
You just left without saying goodbye.
The ****** was nothing of a ****** but a steady decline of I love you’s to, “Have a good life,”
To barely talking,
To trailing down a hill to the very end of our story,
Regret.
I regret everything but you, my darling.
The damp earth will grow again and while I may remember the dry Sahara,
I will grow a rainforest of color without you in it.
I’m back.
Allyssa Mar 2019
This aching in my chest,
Feelings of regret,
Remorse was apart of my dying sorrow,
The life drained from the very existence of my pain.
I had the hands of a dying man,
Old and speckled like the dirt before our time.
I walked without pride in my stride and my unforgiving emptiness was adjourn.
For a moment I felt peaceful with this walk of mine.
Then, I collapsed.
I ache in the presence of you
Allyssa Mar 2019
I watched the world spin from the windshield of this old car.
I felt the slip of the bald tires,
My hands tighten around the wheel,
And I screamed.
I screamed but somewhere in all of that mess,
That chaos,
I knew I was going to be okay.
I knew I was going to live,
Despite totaling my car.
Trees.
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