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71 · Mar 2019
Person I Once Was
Jay M Mar 2019
Somewhere along the journey,
Memories stir, shifting soundlessly,
All memories have a hidden twist;
It's just not the same.

The person I once was has faded to nothing;
A mere memory.

When I was younger,
I wished every day to be alone.
Every day I was surrounded,
Suffocated by people.

Now I wish to almost never be alone;
Being treated as a ghost some days,
Barely keeping alive,
Getting weaker and weaker,
Yet they see me as a strong person.
That is surely false.

I yearn for sleep,
I yearn for a moment where I can be happy,
No weight keeping me bound to this depression;
This parasite that has consumed me.

- Jay M
March 20th, 2019
71 · Aug 2022
Distant Notions
Jay M Aug 2022
Somewhere, but not here
My mind in the lost and found
With every toss and turn
In the sea of greys and black
Soon shall come the rising tide
Kicking into wakefulness
Screaming, but without sound
Drowning in a sea of darkness
As the stars shine overhead
White, yellow, blue, red
Their distant twinkling light
The only guide in the night
To the land of confusion
For this is the world
The world that is ours
And viewed inside a mind
Like a room without windows
Descriptions slipping through cracks
Songs sung through air vents
Dusty and muffled, passing still
Wade through the waters
Flow through the cracks
Carry on, carry on
Waver not, for soon it shall draw near
The land ahead, I know it

- Jay M
May 13th, 2022
68 · Mar 2019
Not Everyone
Jay M Mar 2019
Whispering just through the wall
Some words grasped
Others lost in the space between.
That name, blame, and denial...

Not everyone has a good memory
Not everyone tries to be the perfect student
Not everyone can dance
Not everyone can be happy
Not everyone can be free...

Words cut like glass shards
Digging deeper and deeper into the flesh
Rivers of crimson stream forth
Twisting in this skin; this mesh

- Jay M
March 22nd, 2019
68 · Aug 2019
The Coming Day
Jay M Aug 2019
An event in the present,
Disguised as the past,
Laughter fills the air,
Dancing court members,
Flowers here and there,
Chalices raised,
Memories shared,
And a child becomes a woman.

A fawn, prancing about,
A skirt spinning to and fro,
Following with each cloven step,
Small horns upon her head,
Decorated with flowers,
Blues, silvers,
Greens and reds,
Purples and browns,
All colors can be seen,
In this land of magic.

A doll, given to a daughter,
Then tossed to the young,
Whom have yet to reach the special age,
The transitional age,
Of 15.

Alas, this day has not come to pass,
There is much to prepare for,
Stress, anxiety,
Oh, what would the people say?

"Hush",
My mother tells me,
"It's for you, not them",
"You decide, and don't care what they think."

Even so,
I fear the day,
Approaching so swiftly,
Unavoidable,
Pulling me towards it with each passing second,
Tick, tick, ticking away,
Growing closer,
To the day of my Quinceñera..

- Jay M
August 10th, 2019
I'm so stressed, and scared for it! I need to go work on it, anyway...
68 · Jan 2023
Ripple of Stars
Jay M Jan 2023
Enclosed, hesitant and delicate
Petals fallen upon cold, hard floors
Leading you down, oh the sights
Blissful memories, candles flickering
Trace along the walls
Corridors long and dark
Follow the light, the path
Guided by desire,
For soon you shall see

Enter, dear one,
Cold hands meet,
Visions delightfully greet,
Sway and turn
Spin, then darling,
You shall know

Embrace a timid frame
Neither quite the same
Visage soothing, tender warmth
Entranced in the moment
Far greater than merely such
Beyond sight, beyond words
Intertwine, collide,
Flow in a ripple of stars
Radiant care and passion
Together we burn
Candles in the moonlight
Ripples of stars
Evermore we are bound,
Only in moonlight to be found.

- Jay M
January 31st, 2023
68 · Aug 2019
Emotions
Jay M Aug 2019
Melodies of sorrow
Whispers from below
The deepest prison cell
Invisible, and so is its prisoner

Marking off the times
That nobody knows
I can't help it slow
It festers beneath my skin
Burning within
Hotter than a flame,
Boiling like magma
My plasma

Coursing through my veins,
Unstoppable, irreversible,
Taking control
These emotions
Bring on oceans
Just going through the motions
Watching it all go by
Leave me behind.

- Jay M
August 3rd, 2019
67 · Mar 2019
Heartbeats
Jay M Mar 2019
Thoughts of times past cloud my mind,
Rain drums against a window,
Drumming like a heartbeat,
Thousands of them, crashing,
Pulsing in pain,
Pulsing in bliss,
To each its own story,
Some tales of glory,
Others tales of sorrow,
Left for 'morrow,
Indeed, left to tomorrow.

- Jay M
January 7th, 2019
67 · Jan 2020
Nights Of Wonder
Jay M Jan 2020
Night; such beauty, so serene, and a bringer of slumber to some, whilst to others; awakening. Her endless sky, stretched out across the vastness above, filled with twinkling starlight in the void that is the darkness. Unto the ground below, casting such wondrous light; her wondrous light. When night finally does fall, I am awakened; never to give in to rest, running wild and free as a great beast, where none shall pay me any mind, nor shall they care what I do or say; a time all to myself, alongside those I chose to share it with, though in most; I am alone. Around me, they slumber; but not I, for I cannot; far too awake, far too alive for sleep, therefore I must not give in, not until I can carry on no longer, having reached my limit; collapsing at last to be encompassed by the land of dreams.

Grassy fields lay before my eager feet; their softest grasses swaying ever so gently, whilst the night inches on, owls hooting overhead, the scents of grass, earth, and feathers filling the air; freedom, indeed this truly is. A night to last for all of eternity, alas all within the span of a few hours, until the next dawn emerges, all to disappear, fading into the next day, surely to bring about new opportunities for all to enjoy; just as the night once had, just for me.

Once more, the night falls; I stand at the waters’ edge, in a long dress of deepest blue flowing gently in the breeze, my puffy brown hair (which resembles a lions mane) somehow tamed, and my eyes turned to the stars above me. Filling my eyes are the shimmering lights of a thousand stars, and filling my mind are a thousand dreams, hope being cast up to each little light, yearning for each little dream to come to pass. A name is called in the wind; I turn away from my dreams and the stars to face yet another dream; a handsome fellow around my height, in a suit of smooth black and white fabric, his chocolate brown hair slightly swept to the side, and his eyes set on me in a dreamy sort of way.

Taking his familiar hand, beneath the light of the pale moon, we take to a gazebo; its wood painted white, slightly chipping away in places, and we dance; not a dance capable of being placed in words aside from these few; spinning me in my dress of blue, making the stars look like little comets spinning about me, then taking me back and dipping me, my hair just barely brushing the wooden platform below my feet. Gazing to the side, there is the water, reflecting those dreamy stars and the vastness of the galaxies above. From one dream to another; looking into different galaxies, seeing into dreams so familiar and wonderful, entranced by the very moment.
This is probably one of my favorite pieces that I've ever written. It's a prose poem, my first time writing one, but it's still one of my favorite poems that I've written.

The first 2 paragraphs are based on my poem "Night", and the last 2 paragraphs aren't really based on anything. Just...writing in the moment. Anyway, I hope I did okay. I'm not really sure if I did that great, but oh well.
66 · Dec 2021
Desires of Autumn Fire
Jay M Dec 2021
From darkest night to the break of dawn
From dawn's early light to shining day
From within, gates drew open
Leading to the strangest ocean
That of which may be known as emotion

Sail the seas, face the tide
Come along for quite the wild ride
From hurricane to tranquil and clear
Hidden away when most come near

‘Neath the sycamore tree
Inviting grass, playful breeze
In the moment, ever so free
Not a thing to stress
No reason to impress
Only peace and comfort
Nothing more beneath the sycamore

Dance of the wind
Touch of the earth
Breath untamed and wild
Hands gliding, fluttering
Like butterflies in spring
Caressing wing and wing

Away, gone is the day
Conversations come and past
Each one as close as the last
Though perhaps small from outward view
Each moment greeted and bid adieu
Was peaceful, with smiles bright as candle light

With each embrace a heart whispers
Calling out with each beat
Hear me, oh love, hear the sound
Of passion and desire
Burning like autumn fire

- Jay M
November 29th, 2021
Could've sworn I posted this one. Oh well
65 · Mar 2019
Time
Jay M Mar 2019
Time, an endless and un-waiting thing,
Waste it not, for it is merciless,
Use it wisely, and all shall be joyful,
Just never take it for granted,
It can steal it all away and leave you,
Still you can laugh, you can love,
You need only be respectful and move on,
Keep going, don't linger,
Remain in the present, or the past shall consume you.
Heed my warning, for I know it too well,
I fell, but got back on my feet,
I keep going, walking,
Come walk with me,
Live in this moment
Make each one count.

- Jay M
November 8th, 2018
64 · Mar 2019
Enough
Jay M Mar 2019
You’ve had enough,
But just don’t give up
You are worth fighting for,
Keep marching on,
Hold your chin up high,
You deserve respect,
For the warrior you have become.

Close your eyes,
Say goodbye,
To the lies you once believed,
To the pain that pinned you down,
You can be free again,
Running out under the stars,
Watch my eyes; they aren’t filled with fear.

Say goodbye,
As we dance to the music,
Night divine,
I’m telling you, I’m doing just fine,
Allow me to heal this damaged heart of thine…

Taken from the shadows,
Under the stars we dance,
Beating hearts; in this night, we beat as one.
Soundless steps, the wind gone to these chambers,
Outside, yet within,
The night sky seen overhead,
Glittering in their seemingly eternal bliss,
A brilliance unable to be grasped, yet somehow received.

Come now, this is the time,
The demons tremble at the knowledge,
The reliability presented to thee,
Nevermore shall they trouble you,
For I will take them on,
Lead them away,
Giving way to your peace.

Pay no mind to me, for this is now for me to handle,
From ashen to content; you can finally breathe.

- Jay M
January 29th & March 13th
64 · Aug 2022
Isolate
Jay M Aug 2022
Pressure from those around
That which surrounds
Words fester, linger, poison
Persuade a confused mind
Whisper their insecurities
Their misgivings, their way
Their sway and hold,
Truly a sight to behold

It leaks, it burns
It poisons, it taints
Happiness to bitter
Joy to sorrow
Laughter to cries
Wailing like banshees
Foretelling destruction
Corruption of bliss

Leave me be,
Let me sleep,
Let me sit and weep
Let the memories creep
Let me be alone
Just let me isolate
Let me be
Just let me be

Hidden away from the world
From the people and their words
Their tongues that drip poison
Their voices that speak
Persuade like siren song
Bullets ricochet, songs play
Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep
Sing to me as I sit and weep
Lull me into sleep, take me
Take me away from here,
From this bitter reality
Into the land of dreams
My own little wonderland

- Jay M
August 14th, 2022
12:39am

So many things...
All I know how to do is isolate.
63 · Mar 2019
You're Not Alone
Jay M Mar 2019
Here
         we
               go
                    again...

                                ­Drip...
                                          .
             ­                              .
                                          .
                   ­            Drop...

                                          Tears glide down her cheek,

Cascading to the ground,

                                       Thousands crashing around her,

                                                           ­                              Soothing her,

Telling her she's not alone,

                                              But that's all she feels...

                                                      -­ Jay M
                                                   March 22nd, 2019
63 · Aug 2022
In The Vast
Jay M Aug 2022
Singing like a siren
Wailing like a banshee
A meme specter of whom I used to be

Where am I to go,
What am I to do?
Lost in the vast
Without a single notion or nod
Stumbling, feeling around blindly
Seemingly finding new,
Unforeseen levels of darkness

- Jay M
August 31st, 2022
63 · Sep 2019
Ghost Cats
Jay M Sep 2019
On this day
My minds drifts
Like the cold snow
Beneath my feet
The earth below
Stricken by the elements
A test of body and soul
To the extremes

Days come and go
But moments
Stay within the mind
Forever in the soul
To rest and burn
Like the warmth given
By all surrounding
In eternal rest and relaxation

- Jay M
September 24th, 2019
63 · Mar 2019
Night
Jay M Mar 2019
Night, oh night,
What a beauty you are,
Bringing slumber to many,
While to others you bring awakening,
Your endless sky stretched out above,
Casting beams of its wondrous light,
Her wondrous light.

When night falls,
I am awake for a time,
Not wanting to give in to rest,
But to prowl about,
Running wildly and freely into the night,
Where no one will pay me any mind,
Nor care what I do or say,
A time all to myself,
Alongside those who I care to share it with,
Though in most,
I am alone.

They slumber around me,
But I cannot,
For I am simply too awake,
Too alive for sleep,
Therefore I cannot give in,
Not until I can no longer,
Having reached my limit.

Grassy fields lay before me,
Their soft grasses swaying gently,
Whilst the night goes on,
The owls hoot overhead,
Smells of grass, earth, and feathers fill the air,
Freedom, indeed it is.

A night to last for all eternity,
Alas, all in a few hours,
Until the next dawn,
All to disappear,
Fading into the day,
That shall bring up new opportunities,
For all to enjoy,
Just as the night.

- Jay M
January 29th, 2019
63 · Mar 2019
Unknown End
Jay M Mar 2019
Just running
A sure beginning
An unknown end.

Planning to stop,
But trying several times...
Waiting for the right moment to stop,
Which is uncertain in itself;
Is there a right moment?

Possibly,
If I just keep running until I know it's right,
I can time it just so,
None shall know,
Think I've run away,
Or been thrown away,
But no....
I'll have left.
Been gone.
Is there something that I'm counting on?
Chancing, but hesitant,
Willing one moment,
Then backing down again in the next.

Make up my mind,
I know,
I know it all too well,
Indecisive over far more,
How could I be more?
No way,
Precisely.

Here I must address this last part of relevance;
Will I matter in the end?
Will I affect anything at all?
Is there any point in remaining,
When everything is already so wrong?

Yes?
Then give me a reason,
Just one,
The perfect one,
Before I am done,
Or should I just run?

No,
I pause, take a look around;
There is no one else around,
Then in the next moment,
There are thousands,
Millions,
Billions, even,
None even glance at me,
Not for a moment,
So why should I bother to stay?

- Jay M
March 22nd, 2019
61 · Dec 2019
Death's Refusal
Jay M Dec 2019
Prancing about
Heart filled with doubt
Thundering in grandeur
Telling of the past danger
Yet to be unveiled
To the hungry eyes
Of those yet to prevail

Out in bewailment come the cries
Of those pending their demise
Alas, it refuses them
Casting them aside
Going along for the ride
Stride by stride
Paths yet to collide

Tempting death
Being a flirt
In every breath
Begging to be beneath the dirt
Asleep
Not far from those who weep

Laying down
Faces a frown
Wearing a gown
Flesh pierced by busy bees
Heart rate taller than the trees
Rest dear youth
Tell the truth

Tired eyes
Barely open
Many cries
Many reasons
Like seasons

Waiting
Hoping
For a hero to arrive
Arms to embrace
While the heart runs a race
This is so hard to face

Reality stings
Like a knife
But gives wings
For life
A chance
To prance
With purpose
And clarity
Of the possibility
That lies ahead

- Jay M
December 17th, 2019
I have a lot of explaining to do...
59 · Mar 2020
Winged Heart
Jay M Mar 2020
Pulsing at the speed of
Sound
Feet keep on the
Ground
Mind in the sky
My heart does fly
From my chest
Never shall I rest

- Jay M
October 25th, 2019
Also found this one in one of my journals in my dresser. Memories..
Jay M Apr 2020
La la la, la la
La, la la

My dear child,
You have room to grow still
Venture out, free and wild
Sit not at the sill
Looking out at the world below
Remain not in woe
Move to the next season
For you need not a reason

Grow, deepen thy roots
Release the childhood leaves
Mature, reach for the stars
From your good works there shall be fruits
Yes, eventually one grieves
But all scars
Heal and tell thine tales
Greater than ever before
Leap o'er the rails
Above those who are a bore
Following no known road
Create one of your own
Like a frog out of cover of a toad.

- Jay M
April 10th, 2020
Poem is based on the title. Picked a line of 4 words out of my list of words used to create the title.
Jay M Apr 2020
Walking along a nearly empty road
I glimpse another, on the opposite side
Now, I know not how this does bode,
As I attempt to match them stride for stride
Wondering what could be happening in their mind
“Tell me, please.”
I would say in an attempt to find
Who this stranger truly is, put me at ease
And not merely familiarize myself with their exterior
But their whole person.

- Jay M
April 10th, 2020
"Seek First To Understand And Then To Be Understood".
56 · Mar 2019
Times Such As These
Jay M Mar 2019
How can one laugh,
Within times such as these?
Filled with sorrow,
A tale left for 'morrow,
Indeed, a tale for tomorrow.

Though I may laugh,
Though I may tell you I'm fine,
I'm losing my mind.
I suppose it's already gone,
My heart in boundless pieces,
Whilst my soul fades away,
In the least, the fragment remaining.

- Jay M
October 18th, 2018
55 · Mar 2019
Strength
Jay M Mar 2019
Leaves blow in the autumn wind,
A light chill fills the air,
Voices calling,
Haunting, consuming your very soul,
Keeping you to its will,
Bending, breaking,
Hoping to snap you like a little twig,
Surprised at your sudden strength,
Growing until you break free,
Control regained,
The darkness burning beneath.

- Jay M
October 1st, 2018
More of my stuff from last year
53 · Mar 2019
You
Jay M Mar 2019
You
In times of confusion,
I am divided;
Hopeful, yet hopeless,
A strong sense of sureness,
Yet filled with uncertainty.

In those eyes, so calm and caring,
There is the most gentle soul,
One of knowledge, and compassion,
My love for you is strong,
But my hope of the return dwindles.

When we hug,
My compassion bursts forth,
Forever I wish to hold you,
Alas, I will let go if you want me to.

- Jay M
February 12th, 2019
51 · Oct 2022
Whole
Jay M Oct 2022
In all fairness, who is truly whole?

- Jay M
October 13th, 2022
51 · Jan 2020
Feeling Far
Jay M Jan 2020
Day number three
My mind won't let me be
Reminding me you're not at work
And you're not at home
My thoughts lurk
And it feels like you're as far away as Rome

Mom,
You're the bomb
Bringing life to a party
Woman of steel; you were so hardy

You're an angel of concrete
Took every word backed with heat
And let it bounce right off
No sly comments hidden under a cough
Could escape your ear
You would say, "Come here,"
"and tell me what you said."
Then later tuck us into bed
With a pat on our head

Mom
Do what you need to do
You're gonna make it through
When you come home
I'll see you.

- Jay M
January 29th, 2020
This is for you, mom.
41 · Oct 2020
Patience Is Key
Jay M Oct 2020
Through dawns of possibility
Through nights of pouring thought
Still your presence lingers
Warmth around my
Shivering body
Your scent in the very air
Filling my nostrils
Even if you can't be
By my side

Silence across
Nothing more than radio static
To be such for years
Even if there are tears
Time shall pass
And it alone shall tell

Miles of earth and stone
Lay cold and unforgiving
But still the torch is lit
On this side of the expanse
Though words unspoken
Still the flame does wave

Going to the places we had been
Standing before the crashing waves
Taking in the salty, chilling air
Lingering, yes I dare

Dancing on a cliff side
Twisting with the wind
Shell between my small fingers
Taken to the cliff face
Letters into the space
Etched into the sand
Done by caring hand

Still keeping the charm
Claiming it's of luck
When it is what I have left
Made by your hands

Patience is key
Trust me
I get a little nervous
Knowing I just can't take your hand
But I'd wait eternity
If it meant you might return to me

- Jay M
October 22nd, 2020

— The End —