Thank you for breaking me

When I found all the pieces of myself

I rearranged them before putting them back together

And I became a new whole

Missing love.

Why do they never fall in love,
Why do they let me go?
Am I really not that loveable, does my craziness make it so?

I have so much more than they can see.
If they'd taken the time to know the real me.
They wouldn't have thrown me away so fast.
They'd have given me more time, a chance to make it last.

My heart is as grand as the ocean is deep.
I love without boundaries, their love I would keep.

I guess I'm not ready, they weren't meant to be.
I'll teach myself patience.
Try to be happy,  just me.

My friend who broke my heart

I told you my darkest secret
Because I trusted you
Because I loved you
You were the only friend
Who got me
understood me

Yet you threw me away
Like so many before you
There is a reason that I'm a loner
And that reason is for fear
Fear of not being good enough
Normal enough
sane enough
For people to keep around them

I never felt this fear with you
With you I felt safe
I felt good enough
I felt calm around you
I made you my best friend
Maybe that is what frightened you
And made you run away

Cut off my arms and legs
**** out my brain
seems all I'm ever wanted for
Lies in my middle frame

There is one at each end
Both open to be filled
That's all they ever wanted
The rest of me they killed

Yes I'm a waitress-

Which doesn't mean I'm dumb
People skills are declining in need
But still you all come

I'm here 40 hours a week
Clean the restaurant before I start
Some days I feel ok
Most days I've a broken heart

Even though I'm cracked inside
And my fake smile wants to frown
I'll give a night you'll never forget
Face painted like a clown

You have no idea
in your one hour break
Or your 30th birthday
Which I will make great

That just last night
I received bad news
But I have to work still
I don't get to choose

I'm dying inside
but you'd never guess
Smiling my head off
Though my hearts in a mess

So next time you come
and I'm not the best you've had
Just remember I'm human
And I'm losing my dad

Hello my dear
My faithful friend
You've been away for so long
Come in,
Come in
I'm sorry the door was closed

Would you like some tea?
Can I slice you some cake?
Take a look in the biscuit tin
I always keep your favourites in

I'd hate for you to show up
To an increasingly barren home
With nothing to feed upon
So I've been busy baking

I baked a little self love
and sprinkled it with plenty of hope
I know how hope is the one you love to sink your rotten teeth into first.

I creatively mixed up the ingredients for self belief
Had to go to three markets to find them
They weren't easy to combine but the result was almost happiness

I can't wait to watch you chew them up, spit them out and re-bake them into self doubt
You're so clever!

Since you're here now, back in my kitchen,
You can use my hands to knead the dough
My oven to bake your heavy leaden, self loathing loaf
The one you know I'm drawn to

And I promise from today
The door will be left on the latch....

Take your needle, and paint my skin
Tattoo over, under and across my territory, so they won't see inside me
Pervade my body with rainbows of pain

With Striking colours, hide the black and grey mass of my being

Take my skin to another land
Where flowers bloom, fairytales live and rainbows glow
Where my heart is hidden

I hide myself well, my skin draped with powerful ink
It's how I protect
How I live behind
How I survive