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Climbing up the sides
Reaching for clarity
The pills vacate my blood
Withdrawal is insanity

Scratching at the walls
As they close behind my eyes
Swimming in tsunamis
Ripping tides
Muffle my cries

A temporary bandaid
To stitch over the pain
Every second
every day
My body rendered
Trapped
Detained

I relent
And they rock me gently
As I slip into a dream
Where I can run, jump and dance
Not break and bleed at the seems

But the body needs to rest
From these soul destroying treats
So I'll abstain
Refrain
Remain
True turmoil
No easy feat

Then a week has passed by
And the world regains familiarity
A deep breath
And a stretch to the sun
Full of possibilities
And new clarity....
Aug 19 · 56
Menopause Taboo
victoria Aug 19
Menopause taboo...

And this time of life for me
An invasion of body
Of soul and of mind
Has stripped me of my Identity
It has been cruel, unjust
and unkind

Retreating into myself
seems the only chance
of survival
Wearing a smile  
plastered on as a clown
Since this torturous arrival

I find it hard not being alone
Never really feeling at peace
My voice seeping under the stones
I'm anxious of my heart
My decisions
As nightmares of
great tsunamis
invade what little sleep
I seek

The shame and guilt
Hold onto me
Like old familiar friends
Fear, pain, anxiety
Those who have preceded me
And those yet to arrive
Don't seem to comprehend

And all this just from loneliness
That no one understands
The symptoms that walk beside
of it
Brushed away like grains of sand

A privileged life I've led
Which silences me to not
complain
So I write at 3am
For fear I might go insane
Jul 10 · 37
Snake eyes
victoria Jul 10
(Snake eyes)

Step over
I want to see through your
Snake eyes
Let me see what you fail to hide
Crack open your lies and greed
Expose what's hiding inside

Behind your facade of sorrow
Lies a soul that's bitter and black
The ******* you wear of honour
To conceal before you attack

The persona you created
Is permeated
with a gluttony for money
and pelf
You're redolent of deception
Dishonesty
Bad liver
and a ****** dark health

I can see through you
Snake eyes
Now your camouflage
is gradually failing
The cracks are slicing your veins
As your lies begin derailing

You'll never know happiness
Snake eyes
You'll never feel loved or respected
You're doomed to spend eternity
Snake eyes
In your darkness
A hell only you created
Just venting
Jul 10 · 37
Madam Jelly's wings
victoria Jul 10
Living in a flat
Above the old print house
Lived old Madame Jelly
And her cat
Whose name was Mouse

No knocks on her door
No mail through her box
Her calendar was empty
Like the holes in her socks

She knitted tiny clothes
For the mice under her bed
And wrote funny books
From the pictures in her head

The children on her street
Thought her a witch of brilliant white
But no-one ever saw her
She was always out of sight

People left her gifts
Of wool and such delights
She'd send the mice to fetch them
In the darkness of the night

It is said if you saw her
And looked into her eyes
That she'd cure your broken heart
Legend says
She's of the wise

But I saw her once
As she looked up to the skies
And when she saw me
She winked
Then turned into butterflies

Some mysteries should be unsolved
Some stories, remain unheard
But I'll never forget the day
Her butterflies became a bird 🦋
Sometimes I like to test myself to write a poem straight out, within 5 minutes, no changes allowed and about any subject that comes to mind. Usually they're crap, but I kinda like this one, it's cute...
Oh and there IS an elderly lady who lives above the print shop that I walk by most days 🦋🐦🦋......***
Jul 1 · 190
And I wondered
victoria Jul 1
And I sat on the shore
Watching the families
The mothers greatness and deep love
Fathers fountains of knowledge and abundance of affection

And I wondered

What if I'd have been chosen
To be a mother
To care for a child
My child
A million times more than I'd ever cared for myself

What if the mountains had realised that I too was strong enough of heart
Brave enough of soul
Overflowing with courage of the ocean
Capable to create a bond
Never to be broken

What if I'd been gifted a child
A moment so precious, tender
Instead of the loss
Empty womb
Dark spaces
Always checking
what I may have forgotten
something missing
Never awoken

I've learnt to catch the water from my eyes
and replenish the sea
Strong tears are needed
For the heart to be free

Never knowing is destruction
Always wondering is pain
Emptiness is darkness
But I've learnt to smile
In these moments of rain
Infertility is a ****** some days
Jun 25 · 43
Resting heart
victoria Jun 25
And my head may rest
Where the ocean kisses the sand
And you may find me
Between my heart
And your hand

Your hand that grips mine
And I'm safe down on the shore
The ocean calls for my soul
But my heart cries for you more

Will you take the place
Of the waves beneath my feet
Take the moon and her tide
As my independence, gently retreats
I'm leaving my home by the sea, to move 5hours away with my fiance.... I'm sad to be leaving the coast. It saved my life.... But I must try new things. This is my first adult relationship and I'm 44 years old!!!
Jun 8 · 40
Grounded by love
victoria Jun 8
If I don't have love
To hold onto my feet
I will fly too high and
forget how to land

But my feet need only
to be held lightly
So that I may still
flutter and dance

My wings need to be free
Clipping them only
dampens my spirit
But please hold softly
to my toes
So I know, that love
Waits near below.
victoria May 20
And then there was the day
that Bukowski ruined my life
I'd have been a regular girl
Maybe made a good wife

But he got a hold of me
Then cynicism snatched my mind
He was almost beside me
Grabbing my behind

I'd gotten straight
I'd forgiven my past
Then incame Hank
So it didn't last

I'm on the level
No knives in MY skirt
The other girls they teach
How a man to hurt

But I was gone, just gone
I couldn't have destroyed you
The Gods had been good to you
The tracks had adored you

And within your words
I found no salvation
Just a world you'd flown from
Leaving only adoration

But I was born in 77
A 17 itch before you passed
Your life still an obsession
By loving an outcast

A rose garden
Whiskey
Typewriter
That's what you gave to me
You gave me thicker skin
Now
I'll write...
I'll  just be

#bukowski
Found Bukowski at age 43... This is a blessing, any younger and he'd have destroyed me
May 16 · 73
Living Demons
victoria May 16
Living demons

I read you
over
and over
and over
again
I read you so violently
.....so vividly
You are viscous
Vile
Venomous

Raging red mist
Clouds my vision
Your viscidity allures my fury

....and I would **** you

....I would not stop

Fingertips of razor blades
Knuckles to the bone
Spitting tears
Mouth foaming
Veins protruding with every single
Stab

.....And I would **** you

......I would not stop

Infiltrated by evil
Life for a life
Death hath no fury for what I will commit
......I'm already dead

......And I would **** you

.......I would not stop

And after....,
I would light up a smoke
And finally breathe from the heart you broke.....

I killed you .....

And I did not stop....
Wrote this after watching a film in which a mother's daughter was taken and killed...
Apr 30 · 91
Best friend
victoria Apr 30
Best friend poem

And just as I felt myself fall
as the tears fell hard to the floor
and my heart unraveled it's stitches
And crawled out under the door

Instinctively you just know
That everything isn't ok
That life has forgotten to love me
So you pick up the phone and say...

The words they come easy
Like my favourite book to read
Familiar, fun and carefree
And finally I can breathe

And my heart returns with a new beat
As my smile turns wide as the sea
Because I'm your Thelma
And you're my Louise
And that's how it will always be...

(But without the suicide 😂)
victoria Apr 9
And I am glad
After a possible 60 years
With the man I love
That the world won't comment

That the people won't discuss
How I should feel
How my children should feel
Because I wasn't born to the public

Oh my gladness
Oh the relief
That I was born of the working
That memes will not terrorise my family
And my great loves will not suffer
As your patriarchy bestows
Apr 4 · 122
Man and his shoes
victoria Apr 4
Man and his shoes

There is a man
At the water's edge
He glares savagely
Eyes raging
At the horizon

Unable to steady himself, his mind
Angry at his life
At his world
He spits virulent nonsense at the waves...
But they provide no relief

He hopes each cry will disperse
Each drop of venomous saliva will
wash away with the tide
He is infected with bitterness, but
a hundred moons and a thousand oceans couldn't save his retched soul

There are many watching, wondering, but he stands
alone
Only the gulls surround him
Waiting to feed from his bones
He's redolent of despair
And they smell his desperate heart

As he rocks his upper body
Back and forth, back and forth
The waves greet him mockingly
And swallow his shoes
Written whilst sitting on the beach in Brighton, England. There was a man, shouting into the sea....
Mar 19 · 153
The beach
victoria Mar 19
The beach

And I had awoken
As the sun began to rise
Soft words were spoken
Beneath the moon and her tide....
Oct 2020 · 1.5k
No relief
victoria Oct 2020
In the dead of the night
When there's no one around
Nothing clanking
Or making a sound

That's when the night pains
Begin to creep in
Tortured bones
Aching in skin

Diazepam and codeine
Bring no relief
My sleep is stolen
By the pain giver theif

These are the things
That others don't see
I just want my life back
I just want to be me
Aug 2020 · 71
The bad ones
victoria Aug 2020
I was there you ****
I watched you do it
I wanted to put a bullet through it

Through your head
Then watch your face
And all your cronies
Fall from grace

A grace in which you never deserved
From all the horrors that you served

Up

Like it was tea and cake
And all the time you're running fake

Fake

Because you
Lied and swore
All the lives you
***** and tore

Apart

just so you could rule
Belittle
Squash
And ridicule

You're poison
You're vile
You're redolent of ****
And all the flies
That thrive on it

If I were queen
I'd cut your throat
Tear down the flags
And prose you

wrote

from a hate so dark
Inside a vessel
Blackened heart

One day
I will drain this land
And all the good will understand
That you and yours
Could not survive
Not if we're
To stay alive
victoria Aug 2020
All the streets and
All the seats
And all the ******
masks and feet

All the lines
In single file
Humanity lost
Afraid to smile

All the people
Scared to breathe
Whilst children wash
In ***** streams

All the oceans
full of ****
Because we couldn't
do our bit

Voting with
Agenda goals
Instead of with
Our hearts and souls

We ****** it up
And from behind
And all we needed
Was to be kind
Jun 2020 · 370
Reflection
victoria Jun 2020
There's a reflection of sunlight on my wall
And when it flickers
And I catch it out the corner of my eye
I pretend it's the face of someone
The face of you, maybe
Or the face of a clown
Laughing at me
Then the sun fades
And I'm alone again
Loneliness
victoria Jun 2020
Poem- To the past & present

Hanging from the shame
Of my privileged supremisist height
Choking on the knowledge
That until now
I didn't fight

Eyes silenced hard
From systemic white view
All lives don't matter
Until your lives matter too

A product of white history
I wish I could reverse
Where all mankind are equal
For real not just in verse

Anger and great shame
come banging on my soul
Prejudiced leden centuries
and inhumane forms of control

I promise from today
Your fight becomes my fight too
I pray you'll accept from my heart
This apology to you..........

-  I am sorry
I am sorry on behalf of my ancestors and the part of history that affects you.
I am sorry for any part I may have played through being only Non-racist instead of Anti-racist.
I am sorry that I didn't educate myself earlier.
I am sorry that it has taken yet another death, for me to stand up and fight.
I have always shot down racism with my words, but I have failed to completely understand it.
For these and more that I still have to learn, I am sorry.
May 2020 · 248
The Love effect
victoria May 2020
The love effect

Open your arms
And with no fear
Give that person a hug
And tell them you appreciate them
Even if they don't reciprocate
Weaken the cement in your self made wall
Breakdown your stubborn barriers

Love breads love
That person somehow, somewhere deep down
Will feel a little joy from your gesture
They might manifest this joy
And give that same gesture to someone else
And thus it continues
Love spreads love

Your love may not be returned
from the one to which you gave
But the giving of unconditional love
will attract love back to you in ways
you won't believe
Overcome the awkwardness
Overcome the fear of rejection
And give out love

So go ahead
Tell that person that you love them or appreciate them
or you're grateful for them,
or all three
and more......
And wait as the ripple effect takes place
And waves of love will eventually be returned to you.

Love is magic
It breaks down barriers
It heals scars and wounds
It can end all feuds
You can be a part of this today

Open your arms
And with no fear
Give that person a hug.....
May 2020 · 155
Sink Spider
victoria May 2020
There was a dead spider in my sink
I have arachnophobia so it made my heart stop
I just stood there
Blood drained from me
Looking at this lost life
Wondering if it had a partner
Or little spider kids
That would miss it

I felt sad
Yet still scared
Ridiculous really
Maybe it was a female out searching for food
Or maybe she'd eaten her male donor
Maybe it was a him
And he'd run away to save himself.

It was under the dish bowl
I wondered if it had drowned
Or just starved to death
I found myself curious as to what it last thought about
If it was able to speak
What it's last words would have been

Maybe it was relieved
Maybe drowning is better than being eaten alive by an unthankful lover
Or by being captured in my humane catcher which sadly often broke legs
Maybe it just simply thought "Help"

I'll never know
But I do know I'll think about him or her until I think of them no more
Which might be months
May 2020 · 261
Assholes
victoria May 2020
Theres a place in hell
for people like you
But not the hell that some
believe to be true
The hell they think of
is full of desire
Dark angels of lust
And ****** in fire

No this is a hell
You truly deserve
Chained to your past
And the hurt that you served
Cause your ego was ******
And you couldn't decide
If the lies that you told
We're wrong or where right

People like you should be burried alive
With only your guilt and the secrets you hide
You deserve to die with your heart molten black
With only your sin
And the clothes on your back

If I was a god and you came to me true
With reasons, excuses for all that you do
I'd laugh in your face and spit on your feet
And pray with my soul that the devil you meet

You think you're the devil?
You have no idea
The devil throws parties you wouldn't go near
The devil I've talked with a couple of times
Your not even close
You wouldn't survive

So continue to be, a **** if you must
But you're being watched
You are vile
You disgust
Close your eyes to the pain
That you made to be true
But know
Really know
That pain will **** you.
May 2020 · 88
Useless poet
victoria May 2020
I'm a part time poet
I fall between the lines
Constant comparison
Leaves my ink well dry

I rarely read your work
I may seem nonchalant
Just hit the heart button
My one form of response

Vocabulary is TINY
No matter how I try
Doomed to research words
Regularly makes me cry

I could respond with kindness
Of words I know completely
But I feel that's not enough
So hit the heart discreetly
I once felt part of this HP family. But the more I read of your words, the more self-conscious I became of my own. Once again I wasn't good enough. My ego won and I only read silently from then on....
May 2020 · 475
Vonnegut
victoria May 2020
Reading Vonnegut

I'm reading Vonnegut
I'm tired
Had to look up three words
In three pages
The app wanted more money
To view the words
In a sentence
I don't have the money

So the sentances remain
Unknown  
I long to be more like Kurt
I dream intense
Repetitive dreams
My pen in my hand
Thoughts profound
I reside inside his followers
I want to go to a party

And quote meaningful texts
I want to join that society
'Catachresis'
Now there's a word for me
The writer inside me
Is trapped
Uncultured

Behind failed education
Inside a broken mind
Desperate to find those words
To explain my thoughts
Which are deep and saturated of
Feeling..... No one will hear me
My emotions frozen

Those three words
In three pages
Already evaporated
I have another four words now
Four more to research
Four more to skim my brain
To mock my intelligence
The app wants more money

I'm reading vonnegut
And I'm tired
I try to learn a new word a day. But there are so many. And so many books I feel shut out of. It's too overwhelming. And I forget. My processing speed is 30... Which is extremely low. I know what I want to say but can't find the words...
victoria Apr 2020
Remember when you were young

And the pavement smelt so sweet after the summer rain
Remember the golden fields behind your best friends house
The corn cuts and grass stains on tiny legs  remember never complaining of pain

The farmers ponds and bluebells a plenty
Empty fishing nets and happy, gapped teeth smiles
Dragonflies chasing butterflies and faces towards the sun
Remember ice creams and cider pops
And always having fun

Remember grazed knees and quickly dried tears
Handstands on garden walls,
sunflowers, and cartwheels,
Soft grass underfoot
remember no fears

Water fights and mosquito flights against the setting sun
With muddy shoes, broken bikes, fizzy sweets
Climbing to dizzy heights

The smell and love for your favourite tree
Above the brook where you'd swing and feel ........completely free
Those days there was no way that you wanted to go home
Sit indoors
Didn't own a phone

Dinner time came just as your tummy began to chatter
And you'd cycle home, broken chain, ***** clothes,
Didn't matter
Tomorrow's adventures already lay awaiting
As you'd lie in bed
Fall softly to sleep
Always dreaming
Always creating

Remember when you were young
Apr 2020 · 122
The three month itch
victoria Apr 2020
The Three month itch
Did not arrive
Or the fourth
Forth and a half
Or even the five

The one year goal
Arrived so fast
Certainly by now
We were destined to last

Two years in
And going so strong
Others placed bets
They lost
They were wrong

A bad track record
Up until now
I was waiting
For you
To show me how

How wonderful it is
To be loved so strong
Right by your side
And in your arms
Is where I belong.
victoria Feb 2020
Title; Feeding off their unhappiness

Drop
        drop
               drop
Bring your silver lined buckets
Catch and gather
Tears for collectors

Clink
        Clink
                 Clink
What's your preference
Sadness so valuable
Happiness now obsolete

Joy
    Joy
       Joy
Your contentment rising high
Filling your void
Empty buckets make you cry

Silence
            Silence
                        Silence
Too dry a day today
Happiness a comeback
Fill their buckets
Your tears of hate
victoria Feb 2020
Title; I wish I had a compass for time

I have an itch for the May bug
But February is taking too long
It's dragging it's knuckles along the pebbles
July a distant song

I wish I had a compass for time
I wish everything in life just rhymed

My vehicle begins to cough
It forgot about hibination
In its haste to go wilderness wild
Across a sunlit destination

I wish I had a compass for time
I wish all the **** in life was fine

How her flowers create and bloom
through the crisp, deep white snow
Metamorphosis inside out
Back-to-front wings gingerly glow

I wish I had a compass for time
I wish it would fall back in line.

Starlings murmur and dance
through hail grazed stormy rage
Flying south a mattered memory
They broke out of nature's cage

I wish I had a compass for time
I wish the chimes would learn to mime
Mixed up world
Jan 2020 · 368
A young girl and a curse
victoria Jan 2020
Title; A young girl and a curse

What page are we on?
What number did she say?
"Ssssh stop asking questions"
"Be quiet"
"Go away"

Can you repeat the question please?
Could you demonstrate?
"Stop fooling around girl"
"We've moved on"
"You're just too late"

I can't quiet the words
The red it hurts my mind
"Up late watching TV
Were you?"
-"I'm guessing not mastermind!"

Please don't make fun of me
You'll only make it worse
"You'll have to learn to cope, child"
A YOUNG GIRL AND A CURSE
Dyslexia
Dec 2019 · 182
This world
victoria Dec 2019
It's nothing to do with an apple or snake
It's just power and greed
And the willing to take-
whatever they feel is theirs by right
Willing to die for
Manufactured to fight

The belief that in their god they trust
A promise of forever
Hearts of rust
Whatever religion
No matter the prayer
Evil can prevail
God doesn't care

Or maybe it's just their skin you despise
Believing you're greater
Ignoring their eyes-
that you'd see
If only you looked beyond
To see one world
Where we all belong

Their gender, their preference, the way that they live
Your God says it's wrong
That he can not forgive


But you do not see with your heart so black
blinded by arrogance
Always on the attack
You're killing this world
Emitting your hate
We've run out of time
It's probably too late
Aug 2019 · 107
IRIG
victoria Aug 2019
Inhale-
as your brain consumes itself
Exhale-
as it discards the good

Relax-
as your body resides in the dirt
Be tense-
as your lungs start to flood

Ignore-
as the fight begins to growl
Pay attention-
to the hate you accept

Give in-
to the fact that you’ll never be
Forgive-
all the secrets that you’ve kept
Jul 2019 · 411
Comfort in sound
victoria Jul 2019
My tv remains half awake switched to standby
So my loneliness can find herself still asleep
Jul 2019 · 326
Tramp and lady
victoria Jul 2019
The ***** and the Lady
walked into town
She from the north
He from the south
She passed the boutiques
He passed the bars
She seemed like Venus
He was more like Mars

By chance they met in the park
On a warm winter day
She was feeling lonely
He with so much to say
They sat side by side
Beneath a worn out tree
She spoke of a broken heart
He talked of his life at sea

He learned of her way of life
How she’d been told to smile a fake smile
To marry a man for money
to keep her family within their style
She learned he wasn’t a ***, that he’d fought wars and saved many lives
How he couldn’t face the day light
So usually appeared at night

She asked how it was that today
He decided to strole in the park
He said he’d dreamt of a woman
Alone with a broken heart
The dream had told him to go
to the place that he felt most at ease
He knew just where the dream meant,
walking within the trees

They talked and found that their loneliness
Was different but also the same
She was surrounded by people
He was surrounded by pain
They decided that day to change this
And make up for all the lost years
They’d been given a second chance of love
To smile true and dry up their tears.

The ***** and the lady got married
And rented a flat by the park
No longer did they suffer from loneliness
They had each other
And warm happy hearts
Jun 2019 · 299
Haiku
victoria Jun 2019
When I’m beside you
Like a warm break in the clouds
Alone I feel cold
My 2nd attempt at a Haiku
Jun 2019 · 436
Barren
victoria Jun 2019
Barren home

Something is missing?
Again
Had she forgotten something?
Keys?
Phone?
An appointment?
Had she turned off the cooker?
The oven?
Check
Check
Check

Can’t shake off the feeling
Her barren stomach
Un-filled with joy
Always monthly bleeding

Grabbing
Punching
Mocking her womb
Useless body
Empty tomb

Desperation choking her
Never to love her own
No bond with a pure and undamaged soul
Her womb an infertile home
Im unable to have children. Some days all I see are pregnant women everywhere
Jun 2019 · 494
Haiku attempt?
victoria Jun 2019
I’m malleable
A Chameleon in heart
You can undo me
Is this a correct Haiku?
I find I always change myself to suit whoever is around me to make them feel comfortable
May 2019 · 172
Bum cheeks
victoria May 2019
*** cheeks

Sometimes I see my life slide away and get stuck
Like the hair that slides down your back in the shower and gets stuck between your *** cheeks

But I love to pull that hair out and toss into the bin
So time and time again I pull the hairy bits of my life out of the cheeks of this world
And toss them into lord knows where....
But at least they’re away from me!
Over sharing???
May 2019 · 105
Self forgiveness
victoria May 2019
✒️Self forgiveness

She woke alone
lying naked
her mattress bare
except for
the lonely echo
of her beat-less heart

A calendar
void of any dates
hung solemnly
above her bed
Invitations
had
gradually ceased to arrive
no calls
no letters
no texts
found their way in
through her damp
dark walls

Years of guilt
had
led to a mountain
of unwritten RSVPs
as she hid
her self-hatred
from any
that endeavoured
to help

Convinced
By emptiness
Convinced
By a colossal

Void

Grown tough
Evolved stern
Solid
Vacuous
Dead

Awoken
By a softening
tenderness that
was not of her own
She became still
Her spirit
Her soul
Inhaled
Exhaled
Into her heart

today
was different
somehow
Today
she felt the ocean waves whisper to her soul
“Come to us and forgive”
“Come to us, and forgive yourself”

She felt the warmth
from the tiny pebbles
beneath her
as she connected
with nature
She found
her way back
to her heart
Seemed to take a lifetime
May 2019 · 103
The rescue
victoria May 2019
The rescue

My severed starved soul
sought solace within your eyes
When my broken bloodied heart
had banished hope from too many lies

My culled but courageous cries
reached out for your hands to save
Your voice, tone and warmth
taught me to love, to fight, to be brave

Fear vanished from my eyes
As you wove through my pain
with your soul
I was reborn, rebuilt, reclaimed
I am yours, you are mine
We are whole.
May 2019 · 107
Without you
victoria May 2019
Poem-Without you

Heart shattered
Brain smattered
Insides drowned in fear
Can’t breathe
Won’t believe
Can not persevere

Insides raw
I’m too flawed
A waste of space in time
Devil waiting
Instigating
I will surely die

Nails exposed
Comatosed
Blinded by the light
Breath drowning
Soul frowning
Can not find the fight

Dreams dark
Torn out heart
Can not find my breath
Veins thick
Stomach sick
Dreaming of my death
Apr 2019 · 196
We are monsters
victoria Apr 2019
We are monsters
You and me
Those non believers
The real life dreamers
They can’t conceive us
Too blind to see

We are monsters
We live below
Blackened mirrors
Cold dark shivers
The pretties don’t hear us
Our hearts can’t glow

We are monsters
We sleep alone
We dance underground
Our hearts wrapped around
The silence of sound
We’ll never be known
Mar 2019 · 94
My love
victoria Mar 2019
My heart needs nothing but you, my love
My dreams of castles and fairytales are no more
For you fill my head completely, my love
You are my fairytale
and my castle forever more

My soul no longer searches for its mate, my love
For it now resides within your soul
My fear no longer engulfs me, my love
For you’ve replaced it with a love I’ve never before known

I would die without your love, my love
My mended heart would shatter
and wilt
You are the glue that keeps me whole, my love
My broken life you have beautifully rebuilt

I yearn and ache for the day, my love
When you ask for my hand for life
There is nothing I was born for more, my love
than growing old as your faithful wife
Mar 2019 · 90
Menopause
victoria Mar 2019
Hot sweaty nights
Half a life gone by
Second semester
Just wanting to cry

Happy to anger
In 0 to 10 seconds
Want to control it
And kick someone’s head in

Skin filling with lines
Showing up all flaws
Weight out of control
I hate you menopause
Very quickly written ******* poem
Feb 2019 · 106
Submissive 2
victoria Feb 2019
Submissive

Peel me raw with your voice
Undress my mind with your wit
Scrape my bones with your laughter
******* blood, so I submit

Pluck out my heart with your soul
Rip through my spine with your mind
Extract my juice with your eyes
Make me love you, till my eyes go blind

Devour my essence
by employing your wisdom
Engulf my anger
inside of your skin
Siphon my love
urging your inhale
For you my angel,
are my only sin
Jan 2019 · 338
Age
victoria Jan 2019
Age
A lifetime of aging
A head full of knowledge
A heart heavy with regrets

Time cannot be slowed
Knowledge is never saturated
With time the heart forgets
Hope
Dec 2018 · 173
Wet hair, warm towel
victoria Dec 2018
Wet hair
Warm towel

Arms wrapped around
my tiny shoulders
You were my first love

Wet hair
Warm towel

My daddy
My whole world
You were my only love
Back then
I didn’t see
Anyone else

Wet hair
Warm towel

Yesterday you died

Wet hair
Warm towel

My beautiful memory
My dad died on Saturday the 1st of December 2018... after a long, hard and heartbreaking battle with motor neurone disease. He was too sick for his original plan of assisted suicide and was left unable to speak, eat or move for the last 6 months. My early memory of him was him washing my hair in the bath then wrapping me in a warm towel... now he is a peace without his broken body
Nov 2018 · 163
Your love
victoria Nov 2018
Your love is the lining around my heart
Its the sugar I stir into my tea
Your love is the chill on my finger tips
And my tears as they fall to the sea

Your love is the blanket to keep out the cold
It’s my mind when it’s impossible to sleep
Your love is the petals that worship the sun
And the wooly socks I wear on my feet

Your love is the first of the morning frost
It’s the passion that drinks up my fear
Your love is the candle that helps me to pray
And the memories I’ll always hold dear

Your love is what drives me to wake up each day
It’s my favourite book to re-read
Your love is the sea as it calls my name
It is all the love that I need...
Sep 2018 · 232
Pavement
victoria Sep 2018
I’ve been looking at the pavement lately
Too scared to look beyond
Too frightened of scaring the future
By bringing my past along
Aug 2018 · 612
The wrong skin (revisited)
victoria Aug 2018
My outside doesn’t reflect my in
I’m sitting here in the wrong skin
My heart it aches
Though I project a grin
I’m sitting here in the wrong skin

Can you imagine how it feels
Could you even try to begin
The pain when the mirror
reflects the wrong skin

I want to feel free
I want to feel it deep within
That I’m finally here
In front of you all
beaming from the right skin
Jul 2018 · 919
Arachnophobia
victoria Jul 2018
Arachnophobia

I want to live in nature
I want to travel the world
I want to live in a forest and hold hands with Mother Earth

But I have arachnophobia
My phobia is so strong that I’ve turned down jobs, trips to beautiful places even dinner parties at known spider houses!!
Jul 2018 · 338
Dad
victoria Jul 2018
Dad
Dad

Go gently to your resting place
Go knowing that you were loved
Go with the Heavenly Father
Go watch over us from above

I know this is a better place for you
I know your body will be free
From the pain and frustration you had on earth
Where finally you can just be

Be able to walk, run and jump
Be able to speak at will
Be free from all restrictions
Be free from all the pills

God will have a beautiful garden
For you to tend and help thrive
I know this was your strength on Earth
It’s what helped you stay alive

Go gently to your resting place
Go knowing that you were loved
Go with the Heavenly Father
Go watch over us from above
Dad wanted to go to dignitas in Switzerland but sadly the paper work wasn’t finalised before the motor neurones took over his ability to go... he’s very very sick now after 2 strokes so I’ve been asked to write a poem for his funeral... it’s still in draft form so I may change it, especially the gardening bit... his garden is what kept him going
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