i did what they told me to.
i sat down,
closed my eyes,
and breathed.
in,
out,
slowly,
repeat.
in this silence,
i felt the weight of That days,
all Those days,
on my chest and shoulders.
i played music,
like you said.
half opened eyes and tears rolling filled the acoustics in my bedroom.
i breathed,
as if it wasn't already hard enough.
i heard and felt my heart breaking over and over,
slower and slower with every breath.
it made me want to stop breathing at all.
if this is what you call "helping me",
i don't want it.
the silence rings in my ears.
i can see myself reading and rereading headlines and texts.
the denial i felt,
the emptiness i felt.
oceans of sadness and grief washed over me, i wanted this to be my end too.
i wanted to stay in bed for as long as i could,
i wanted to drown in my bedsheets and muffled sobs.
i did what they told me to,
to breathe.
i don't want to anymore.

tell me about your twisted side
take me inside your web of lies
soak me in bleach just to prove,
that i would do anything for you
tell me you wish I were dead
then throw dishes at my head

show me how broken you are,
on our first date we'll be comparing scars
show me the names you chose for every star
then we'll fill our lungs with toxic tar
tell me you're close to finding God
but you spend your days high on drugs, for you are flawed

Let me indulge in your bad habits
I'll show you all that my mind inhabits
Confess your desire to jump off the highest towers
And these confessions I will devour

take me into your darkest hour
let's listen to 90's rock while we strum guitar
strung out and on the verge of psychosis
we're both washed out
caught in each other's hypnosis

not sure who's the predator and who's the prey
but i love you more every day
if I'm crazy and you're crazy too
nothing can be real between me and you

so we hold onto the sadness and shouting
knowing without it we'd be drowning
but there's no passion stronger than between us two
and the most lonely peaks have the highest views

our music comes from broken souls
and our love, to our sadness has formed a mold ;
unable to survive or thrive alone.

Death,
Just the thought of you
Send chills down my spine.
I fear you, I dread your arrival.
Not for your ability
To rob the life out of me
But for your capability of
Knocking on my door unannounced

Death,
You're the ultimate life dealer.
I wonder, is it possible you
Prolong my expiry date?
I want to live a long life.
I want to see my dreams come true.
I want to grow old with my loved ones.
If you could, would you please?

Death,
The bitter truth  
You give meaning to life.
I can’t foresee your coming.
I can’t tell your intentions.
But I can utilize the time I am given
To live the life, I dream of
And for that, I am thankful.

i am in a haze today. it is cloudy and beautiful outside. it is also pressing down on my chest and i struggle for air. i wore your shirt to bed last night and it helped steady my oxygen supply. i wish you were here to say my name and speak to me in my native tongue to remind who i am and where i've come from. i'm forgetting everything, slowly. recreating yourself is only good when you haven't done it five thousand times over. i just want to be me now. but how do i become me if there is no you? pick me up from the library and walk me to class. hold my hand and tell me that you will stay with me no matter how grey the sky is or how cold my fingers feel.

My name is jealousy,
I am a disease, your inner hurricane,
No matter, if you are a Buddhist, or a prelacy,
I’ll attach and make you feel insane.

I start living in your mind first,
Then I take your body, part by part,
And if you don’t **** me, it gets worse,
Lastly I attack your heart.

I drink from a fountain of self-hate,
Your insecurity is my food,
My hobby is robbing you off from faith,
I live for putting you in a bad mood.

I will make sure you always doubt,
And I’ll destroy all of your relationships,
I will be like poison in your mouth,
You’ll always taste me on your lips.

Your only cure for me is you,
You have to get that in your head,
Learn to love your imperfections,
Only then you’ll make me dead.