I'm disgusted by my capacity to feel.

She ran away from her hometown
to make her dreams come alive
The city  ,with many famed success stories
a place with endless opportunities
they have their doors
closed for all the outsiders
And struggles start , after city's lure dies
Then dreams seem far thing
And survival becomes tiring
Odd jobs and odder bills
do not appreciate your skills
All her knocks , remained unanswered
Her ambitions discarded ,
The difference between
reality and dreaming
becomes far more clear .

Dear heart you are leaving
You are leaving me behind
And I forgive you because I left you, and we both remember how much that stung, although you hide your pain better than I do
You hide better than I do
You, better than I.
You are leaving, dear,
You are leaving our world of peach juice dripping down arms
Of midnight whispers
And the overwhelming drone of cicadas.
I watch from across the street
And I realize that you have already left.
You have already left me in my palace of memories
For I left you
I left you, dear heart,
In the actual physical world we built together
So every day you walked the hallowed halls of our youths
Seeing all the places we weren't together.
You are used to it now
The years have taught you that this space is no longer ours
It is yours.
You in your space have earned your right to devote it how you please
You have earned the happiness of young love
You, love.
I wonder sometimes as the childhood between your eyes fades
If you and I belonged to some other world
If once you and I were keepers of some great key,
You and I.
Now we are off once more
Into the breach
Into our wild worlds, so apart.
I wish I could have brought you with me.
I wish I could go with you now.
Instead we have only words with which to hold one another.
Dear heart, I am holding you.
Dear heart.

all these words are spiderweb tangled in my head
I can't seem to string them into a coherent strand of letters
spelling out how much i love you

I can write all night
at every place you like
as an attempt to revive
the corpse you left behind
in hopes to bring you back
as I look for comfort I lounge
on love seats oh how soft is every
chaise I sit on all I touch is made out
of dust bunnies my timeline is a string
of people saying I'll be back

My heart lunges out of my chest
Over and over and over again
Its getting harder to breathe
And even harder to think

My bodys been taken over
I’m possessed with obsession
And over thinking

Please just stop

The thoughts are like spiders
Crawling in my brain

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

I curl into a ball
And try to go to bed

There's a giant reel or a giant wheel on
a giant combine harvester
and it's moving closer to you
and then its sharpened blades
cut through you,
as if you don't exist and you
don't exist.


I dream of Armageddon
wrapped in
my lead lined coffin
and in here
I will be no slave to
an alien radio wave.

If it's a nightmare then you
wear it well.

I wear a silver dollar
if I have to go
I'll let the ferryman know
that I can pay.

I seem to be losing my mind.

I hear faint screams,
In the middle of the night,
They sound like my mother's,
Everyone says I am imagining it,
I seem to be losing my mind.

I see bruises, marks and scars,
On the face of my mother,
Dad says it's because she fell down the stairs,
Mother must be very clumsy,
Or I must be losing my mind.

I was supposed to have a sister,
But we lost her,
T'was fate, tells grandmother,
And no it wasn't she, who pushed mother,
I am just losing my mind.

I don't know,
I died a year ago,
I said things I shouldn't,
You see, I lost my mind after all.