In apple growing-warmth,
I found oceans between eyelashes and Pacific air.

Ligamented with smoke, skeleton hands crafted cigarettes of honey and curling floral sweetness.

For soft-haired royalty, I bowed my heart and washed my skin in space and rainy wishes.

I drowned myself in polish remover, to show the stripped beauty of love and life
to a sun who lives off alcohol and notions of wouldn't it be nice?

But I, the noiseless patient spider,
who has flung gossamer after thread,
am reaching for nothing but an earth flower,
One who I thought loved me,
or at least that’s what she said.
((one who sees through rose-pink eyeglasses,
and speaks in feathered song.))

Still, I sleep well under starless skies,
where urban northern lights burn the dark,
charred there by city windows and boundless passing cars.

Here, I wrap myself in a cloth galaxy,
and I paint the sun with blackberry juice,
trading gold and diamonds for the simple hope
that someone might live up to you.

I wonder what awaits me
If I'll take this pavement instead of the other one.
The lamp posts are brightly shining on this side
And fireflies begin to lit the darker end of it.
And I am now taking steps on this pavement with doubt,
With my feet, left and right.
I am now across this lamp post and I looked up
To notice it is brighter for me than the stars.
And I am now taking steps on this pavement with confidence,
With my feet, left and right.
And at the middle I can see someone
Walking towards me.
As our gazes meet, I notice him smiling at me.
I said "Hi!", and he said "Hello!".
And that bit of a moment makes my heart skip a beat.
And now, I am walking on this pavement with an endless smile.

and here are the reasons why no one tells you to go be a third cultured person:

its not easy.

When you are one of us,
different and foreign are not even a blip on your radar,
(because my life has always been detachment - meeting and smiling and beginning to say "hi", only to have to wave goodbye.)
you will always be different and foreign, belonging to a place is a wish and not a reality, home has always meant people as opposed to a place (not that people are at all constant).
leaving is normal too, just pack your bags and go go go, doesn't matter if you never come back, onto a new place now, and goodbyes are hard -- but seldom unexpected.

when you are one of us, you are shifting and turning and never never staying, always changing and moving forward, frighteningly frighteningly fast, all impermanence and hopeful, but broken promises-- you will perhaps stay in one place for some period of time.
(you will never belong)

I clasped my hands
Got on my knees
Closed my eyes
Took a deep breath
And started:

"Dear Lord, hear me pray
My days are going in grey
With nothing more to say
As people have turned away
Am left with grief and pain
Mostly depressing insane
I have no one by my side
So I clasped my hands to abide
And talk to you as you are my guide
I may have done wrongs and lied
But I am your child and for me you died
I ask for forgiveness for the sins
As the dark angels gained their wins
For I confide in you my savior
Please forgive me for my bad behavior
You are the only one that I trust
Others cause my brain to rust
I ask for your blessings
Dear Lord, so the dark angel can stop messing
My life I surrender to you
You are the one
You are my guru
I ask thee for guidance
Amen!"

I kept sitting in the position
And thought of my situation
I smiled away
As my savior showed me the way...


©sim

I fight for my sisters
The ones whose own voice was ripped away

I fight for my daughters
The little girls who risk their lives for knowledge

I fight for my mothers
The women who gave up everything

I fight for my grandmothers
The ones who fought for me