I know I've come a long way
so if at least once you'd say
"I'm proud of you" instead of "try harder"
I'd at least once ask you to stay.

The strange feeling of floating,
dissociating from my skin,
sliding between this world
and something beyond.
I'll keep it together until I'm alone,
I'll ignore the clarity, for now.
I'm detached from my past,
present, whatever is to come.
Well this feels good,
but at the same time it's wrong.

Passionate, bloodthirsty... Oh, so mean!
Meaner than the meanest high school bullies you've seen.
A particularly evil mindset, to a certain degree...
Because I don't hurt with punches, I hurt with words.
How can this be?

A blow in the right spot can make one faint,
a line in the right place can put one to shame.
From a blow they can recover just fine,
but from shame? Trust me, that takes waay more time.

If everyone around me read what I write,
they'd understand, at least a little, what tore me apart.
The people would feel what I felt and I'd laugh
as they bathed themselves with tears. Such delight!

Jimmy learned that gay was bad,
unnatural, the pastor said,
his friends were all about girls,
so Jimmy played along.
At some point in high school
Jimmy realized
a very hidden desire of his,
he liked a guy.
Jimmy was desperate,
how could it be?
He had been with girls,
never with guys,
but how would he know?
He never tried!
He kept the secret to himself,
a shameful burden of his own,
until one day Jimmy boy came across a term: BI.

The sun looks brighter,
the people look better,
the sky looks "bluer",
the world looks like heaven.
If you ask me about my state of mind,
my drinking status,
I can only say
my "shot count" is way more than seven.

I've seen that side of you,
that side you don't always show,
the side not even you can control,
that part buried deep inside.
And even if I saw your worst
I don't think I'd ever forget
the truthful look in your eyes
that convinced me that was you.

I want to do more, and feel less
I want to be better somehow.
Yes, I'm working on it
but this is what I'd call relapse.

I'm collapsing under this weight,
my burden is the past on my back,
also doubt, fear for the future
and what the present means.

I wouldn't say this out loud
but after all, I'm kinda scared.
I pace around and beg myself
for an answer I'm not sure I have.

Yes, laugh young ones!

Laugh as loud as you can.
Be sure of yourself,
make fun of everything.

Laugh, young ones,
laugh like a hyena
as you run down the streets.

Laugh with your friends,
enjoy this teen years of yours
for when you see what's life
you'll see no fun anymore.

Waves going up then down,
as coconut trees dance to the wind,
and the sun sets on the orange sky.
The Jeep slides along the coast,
I feel the salty fresh air
easing the stress in my disguise.

Two rocking chairs on a front porch,
they watch the sunset,
lips curled up on perm smiles,
satisfied solely in each other.
Shots fired in the distance,
police cars and ambulances,
screams and loud pleads,
their vibe won't change.

The moon is round in the sky,
both of them are,
don't ask, there's two.
The moons are full,
seemingly close
hiding their apparent ******
behind a black bra made of clouds.

Waking up from a good dream
is a terrible way to  start the day,
imagine having a good time
and then being carried away.

And as soon as I realized
I was back to real life
I tried desperately to fall back asleep
but there was no going back.

I used to believe
in the fairytales you told.
They used to take me back to you
and your sadistic desire
to fool me some more.

I want the buzz
of being proud.
I want to dance of pure joy;
And overall feel satisfied
that I've done what I've been doing
and forgiven what I have not.

A thousand pairs of judgy eyes,
grey, blue, brown, green,
all colors spinning around me
attached to bitter faces,
expressive frowns.

Somewhere out there right now
someone is getting married...
someone's child is being born,
but someone else's dog died.

Somewhere out there right now
someone lost a loved one...
someone is being murdered,
but it's the best day
of someone else's life.

In these lonely afternoons
roaming around the streets,
sunny or rainy sky,
I always find what I'm looking for
and I claim it in no time.

I'm tired of saying:
"I'm tired."
Tired of sounding tired,
while looking exhausted.
I'm tired of being tired,
I want to write about something else
but when I scan my mind for topics
I realize I'm tired.

I'm here to tell y'all sad news,
so brace yourselves for the lines to come:
Everything is okay
disappointed sigh
How has my life come to this point???
Yes, you read this right,
I don't like to feel so good, I shouldn't feel so fine,
I need problems in my life
or else... what the f* will I write about?

Good morning, my dears,
miladies and sirs,
good morning, brothers and sisters,
saints, sinners, you all.
Have a nice day at work, school,
wherever you go,
have a wonderful evening,
afternoon, night and noon.

How can you look into someone's eyes
and tell them they have a whole life ahead
when the future is so uncertain,
life is so random,
and tomorrow they could be dead?

Desire... maddening...
...destructive inside.
What a waste of a healthy body
designated to be mine.
These healthy limbs have no use
under the command of my crippled mind.
My head spins in disgust for my own kind,
for myself, for my equals, for my life.
This need is like acid, corroding my every cell,
leaving me cornered on my own edge.
My skin is burning... and it's desire,
a primal urge haunting me at night.

Yet again the moon rises,
indifferent to daily stress,

despite all doubt and pendency,
it hits the hammer,
and demmands you to accept.

It brings much needed closure
so before you move on, friend,
you can take a rest.