it's so hard for me to start conversations because i'm hopelessly picky.
if i talk to you, i want to talk about something that will keep the conversation going.
i hate when there's silence, and i hate when i struggle to find something to reply with.
i hate when you send "yeah" or "okay" because that means this conversation is over and i have to struggle to start a new one.
i don't want to bore you with my weak attempts at keeping you close.
i want you to talk to me, i want you to want to talk to me.
i want enthusiasm and i don't want to have to rattle my brain to keep it up, because it was never like that.
but it's not as easy as it used to be.
i revel in the rare days that we talk nonstop for hours.
the days where conversation is so simple and never wears out.
but i know that after a day like that
there's only silence until one of us figures out something else to say.

Nameless stranger
Come and be my friend
Let us explore this life together
Let us enjoy it before it ends
Read me your so many books
And I shall read you mine
To explore worlds beyond our reach
Worlds made up by authors minds'
Let us learn about ourselves
Let us learn about the world
A world so divine
Yet somehow brutal and cold
Nameless stranger
Come and take my hand
Tell me all your little secrets
And I shall tell you mine
Show me what are you hiding behind those fake smiles
And the pains you conceal behind pretentious happy eyes
Tell me how they broke your heart
And laughed out loud at your pains
And I will show you my broken parts
All the dreams that went in vain
Be careful from my sharp edges
I don't want to cause you another scar
Or add a new wound to your still bleeding heart
A nameless stranger
Yet you are no stranger at all
Those who have experienced agony
Can recognize souls as damaged as their own.

It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived