I implore with the word's strength
in front of the empty throne
all the Gods that I know. No one
answered me. I hope that is not too soon
or too late to enter into the Autumn's secrets.

I'm closing the window, my heart
falls down within my chest and I try
to conjure the Moon's light to come closer
so I could reborn from your body and soul.

I remember my mother's face... The tornado
is getting closer and closer... The sky
is above me, the water plays with my feet
beneath the Earth's crust... Torches are burning,
going through the endless night.

Silence is waiting, my soul is waiting,
bitten by love, I sprinkle blood on everything
that still breath, on everything that has been
a part of you. On the hills only the horses
stay still, without fear.

I can't do this no more, my eyes are closing,
I'm falling down and the wind's fury swing my being from side to side and above me a hole is growing till no sky remains. Suddenly I wake up.

Open my eyes and I see the Blue Angel's grotesque face. I'm not afraid, I'm ready for this sacrifice. He screams and swallows me.
P.S. Nothing is better than a new beginning!...

You bring the blade onto the cold surface of your skin
Drag it across
Just one more cut
Blood slowly dripping
drips off your arm and onto the floor
You start to cry
tears distorting your vision
screaming on the inside
Why wont it end
The pain hasn't gone
Another cut should do it
Why wont the pain leave
Maybe the only way to end then pain
is to end me.

If I turned around and walked away, would you notice I'm gone,
Would you even care?
When you look at me, do you see the smile on my face,
Or do you see the tears I fight to hold inside?
Do you see a strong, willful woman I portray,
Or the scared little girl who never quite goes away?
If I broke down and lost all control,
Would you know how to handle me,
Would you hold me 'til I stop shaking,
Kiss away all of my tears?
Would you know how to lift me up
From a place far below recognition?
You see a ****, loving woman,
But I'm so much more.
I'm sad,
I'm lonely,
I'm unpredictable,
I'm broken,
I'm irrational,
I'm complicated.
You say you want me,
But you don't even know.
You see who I let you see,
Who I've always let you see,
But what about the real me,
The everyday me,
The girl who never seems to get anything right
The one who could break down at any given moment
And have no clue why.
I try so hard to fight away my doubts
For a while they bury themselves away,
So far away that I think they're gone forever,
But I guess nothing lasts forever,
Because the pain and tears always find their way back to me.
Can you handle me,
Can you handle ALL of me?
Am I worth the time,
Do you really love me enough
To stand by me through all my troubles,
Or am I just too broken for you?

Can’t run from it
Always a step behind
The worst is I’m trapped
In my own mind

The end is near
I can’t keep trying
Stop asking if I’m okay
I’m tired of lying

My fake smile is getting heavy
Eyes can’t hold back
My mind has won
Done living in the black

Going through the motions
It’s almost time to quit
Most fear death
But others pray for it

You've had those feelings... you wish your life was done.
You're broken, defeated, and overcome.
Each day more challenging than the last.
Moments of weakness...emotions consistently masked.

There is sadness built up, stirring within,
Reflecting on where your life has been.
You feel alone... all you feel is pain.
Each moment a struggle masked by crying in the rain.

The storms of life will thunder, shoot lightning 'cross your face.
But get up, chin up, and win YOUR race.
You can take charge...refuse to feel defeat.
Just get up, walk out... first step's to move your feet.

Get out of the trench that you've dug for yourself.
Change what you are to improve your mental health.
There's no shame in admitting that life is harder than you can bear.
That's what friends are for...to show comfort and to care.

Don't take the world on all alone; the challenges are real.
Be willing to accept the help you need, friendship, and you'll heal.
Days will get easier; life will cease to be a strain...
Before you know it, you'll be DANCING in the rain.

She stood on the bridge
In silence and fear
For the demons of darkness
Had driven her here

They cut her heart
Right out of her chest
Making her believe
That the demons knew best

They were always there
Sometimes just out of sight
Waiting in the background
Till the time was right

These demons were destructive
Knocking down the life she knew
Hating everything about her
She hated herself too

These demons can't be seen
But they're far from fairy tales
They live inside your mind
Their evilness prevails

So on the bridge she stood
About to end the fight
Then she stopped and thought
I'll fight them one more night

Whisper it, don't let them hear.
Be careful; it's them you should fear.
Follow them, do what they say,
And for your sake, don't run away.
Their hearts are as black as black can be.
Their souls chill you to the bone, don't you see?
They'll lure you into their arms and tear you apart.
Then they'll **** the blood out of your heart,
Leave you gasping for air that surrounds you.
I know it sounds unreal, like it's not true,
But don't look at them, don't ask who they are.
Their darkness surrounds us from afar.
Don't provoke them, don't make them mad,
For if you do, the outcome could be bad.
The demons will rise through the land.
The darkness will clasp your cold, icy hand.
You'll remember all your darkened power,
And the demons will rise in the night's darkest hour.
They'll lead you to a darker path,
And you'll be the one to unleash the demon's wrath.

Depression is a dark sky, but my star’s still shining baby
life is filled with dark corners
Dark corners that twist and turn, as to break a bone without pain,
but what can you do?
As a rose, it’s beauty unmatched..
But the thorns are all you fear.
My sight is clear, but empty faces,
Empty faces that scream threats with sharp eyes and piercing thoughts that cut me ever so gently as to hide the scars from sight.
It’s my ocean, it spreads across all I know,
But the touch is all that matters
It’s the warmth of the sun on a face on a warm summer day,
It’s the smell of the wild flowers blanketing the beautiful mountain scapes hugging the sky, with gentle arms.
The touch, is all we really want.
But some can’t face it.

When night falls
the suns last rays are too soon forgotten
and the temperature drops
just like my heartbeat

Smiles quickly turn into tears
unspoken words and broken promises
the streets are almost as empty as I am

Try to drown out everything but the sound of the rain
loneliness is my only real best friend
my thoughts are darker than the night sky
and I wonder if I'm still alive

Cut my arms but I still can't feel
maybe reality is the dream
dead but breathing
I'm the ghost of the person I used to be

Wrapped in a blanket of sadness
my tears have become all too familiar
the rain sings me a lullaby
and I pray to never wake up again under this long dead sky

What is more deadly a gun or a thought?

A gun gives an opportunity
But a thought pulls the trigger

Which do you think?

In times of trouble and insanity
I carry masks to disguise
the pain I carry
secure behind my eyes

I can never let out again
the misery I hide
to hell with my dignity
to hell with my pride

from this day forward
and for ever more
I will mount this mask
that will be my lore

No reaching out when I am weak
no solace will I seek

when you look for answers
when you say your prayers
all you will see is masks
and no pain that I bare

I haven't been able to post cause I have been occupied with other matters. I will post more as soon as I can. BTW if you haven't noticed my poems are deeper or darker than most/some. K THANX BYE!

Tear out my guts,
Smash in my brain,
Claw out my heart,
But don't leave a stain.

Break all my bones,
Rip all my veins,
Drink all my blood,
Give me more pain.

Slice me to shreds,
Drown out my cries,
Stab all my wounds,
And watch while I die.

Freeze all my arteries,
Burn all of my skin,
Cut out my tongue,
Deepen your sin.

Carve into my flesh,
Flood both my lungs,
Pick out my eyes,
Now go load your guns.

Shoot at my skull,
Fracture my ribs,
Dissect my spine,
Mutilate my lips.

Hack at my neck,
Dislocate my hands,
Pull out my fingernails,
Scatter them across the lands.

Shove me in the furnace,
Cover the crime,
**** me again,
In another lifetime.

I’m crying tears of blood. It’s just like tracking in mud. I thought we had a truce. But then you handed me a noose. I’m lying here in pain. Slowly going insane. You handed me a knife and said cut a nice slice. You said I’ll just feed you to the mice. You say this is the end. It looks like it all blends. If there was anything more you could do. I know it’d be true. That I’d be totally *******.

Other Person - I really wish I was there with you.

Me - I do too, but only if you knew. That I have already driven the *****.

Late at night I can feel the emptiness
Close my eyes for a second, and there it is
Slowly killing me on the inside
It's everywhere; I can't hide

I'm running from something invisible
I tried to **** it but its invincible
When its shadow claws reach out for me
I cannot breath easily

My silent screams
Are worse than bad dreams
It's tearing me to pieces
It's desire to hurt never ceases

I avoid looking in the mirror
Because then I can see it coming nearer
Even the comforting sound of rain
Could never take away this pain

It was sad
Depressing
Doing something bad
Watching the blood gush out
Room spinning, body shaking
I am just filled with doubt

Pain replaces my depression
My tears pour out
I start to question
End me out now
I can still feel the inadequacy, the depression
How?

My heart clenching
But I managed to fake a smile, and a feeling
Who will come to entrench?
My cries of plea comes from my soul
It shows throughout my dull eyes
My life has no true goal

Every time I make a cut
I go deeper and deeper
Pain is what?
My positive expressions would just be full of lies
Don't you cry
Now is the time for my demise

Who will hug me
Hold me
Knowing of what I do
"Don't do it too"

Everyone says that if you try hard enough
You have a chance of making it,
Well these people are very lucky then
Because for me I’m just a misfit.

You try and you do your best
But don’t reach your goal,
There’s no point in trying
So I’ll just go hide in a hole.

When you don’t make it
People give you pity,
Back off and leave me alone
I’m not some little kitty.

I’m constantly being compared
To the one person I really hate,
Everyone thinks she is so perfect
She’s a ten and I’m a negative eight.

She looks down on me
Watching as I continue to fail,
She notices my mistakes
But not my skin, completely pale.

I’ve given up on life
No point in trying anymore,
Leave me in the dark
Let me die alone on the floor.

She will always be better
Better than me at everything,
Let me die with this knife
Cutting my skin, it doesn’t sting.

I’m done trying and living
I’m done pretending to be tough,
She’s the best at everything
While I was never good enough.

You know my name
Not my story
You see my smile
But not my pain
You notice my cuts
But not my scars
You can read my lips
Not my mind

Watch me bleed out until there is nothing left inside of me.
A flood pours out and the blood beings to seethe.

There is no turning back, you know what you've done to me
My bleeding out, is that what sets you free?
If so, then I have a job for you-
Under the hanging tree.

They're coming for you, and they will catch you one day you'll see.
Feeding off our body, your a monster who disgusts me.
Blood slips onto the roots, boiling underneath.
Now an endless hell awaits you, as far as the eye can see.

Blood red petals fall from the sky
Like the deceased who never got to say goodbye.

I tried to catch them in my arms, I tried to catch them as they fell.
But I was too weak...

And so with them I fell.

Here on my arm lies a mark that I made.
When I was so low, I cut with a blade
To punish my body for being a mess,
Though here is my testament, I must confess...

That seeing these scars left on my arms, legs, and chest
Makes me realize I was in a place of no rest;
I feel guilty inside for leaving this token.
Now I will see and remember that I was so broken.

But seeing these scars helps me see
That I survived so much trauma and now I am free.
So I ask you now to stand with me and fight,
To show all these demons what they're doing is not right.

You won the battle of good versus bad.
You are still alive and are no longer sad.
Here on my arm lies a mark of survival.
I got through my hate and beat my self-rival.

It first starts as a small cut,
Or missing one meal.
And who would notice?
But then you find yourself tumbling,

Tumbling down a rabbit hole with no way to stop,
People ask you to 'quit it' but what do they know?
It's not that easy. It's never been easy.

Suddenly death seems like the easiest solution,
But is it? Leaving one hell for another?
Then it's all about whether you have the guts.

The guts to end your life. But how?
Slit wrists? Hanging? Overdose? Jump? Car?
So many ways to take a life
And fewer ways to save one.

Imagine standing at the edge
No more reasons of anything in life to pledge
Looking down as the wind bleeds your eyes dry
When you fall you have seconds to say goodbye to the sky
Adrenaline causes the mind an instant rush
Anticipating freedom until you become crushed

Now a coward alive would say this man was weak
Yet this man in life couldn't imagine thinking deep
Instead of jumping for problems, you take a jump for power
I'll live more in 10 seconds than you do in a million hours
So as your standing at the edge giving life your last salute
Remember your brave, realize most wouldn't jump even with a parachute
Most would run as they saw death screaming 1000 feet down
A brave man would dig is own corpse into the ground

So as you read about another suicide statistic being
He did it because of strength, something your not seeing
When life screeches to an end and you want to be saved
This 'coward' was brave, this soul was brave

What do you see when you look in my eyes?
A freak? A nameless being?
Or maybe simply another face in the endless sea of people
What do I see when I look at myself in the mirror?
I see pain, laughter, tears, smiles, fatigue, and endless energy.
What do I do
When the world I live in
Doesn't know I am suffering?
I feel the scars
On my heart
My arms
My wrists
And I think back to a time when I was truly alone
Wondering the streets at night
The sky dark and stormy,
With the cold rain falling down on me
It was like the sky was crying
All the tears I was too afraid to shed myself
That was along time ago,
but still I can feel the sharpness of the blades upon my soul
My skin
My heart
Sometimes at night I sit up
Stare at my window
And cry, for all the pain I still sometimes feel.
I wonder if life is meant to be more then this,
This town
These people
These feelings
I am like a caged animal,
Trapped inside bars
Locked in, with no hope to escape
I scream
Yell
Cry
But no one hears me
I stand alone
On my own little path of life
That I have been on for as long as I can remember
With a broken heart
A broken soul
A broken mind
Still I struggle on
So that I can maybe see beyond this world
Of darkness and despair,
So I can see the world beyond,
Of love and life and happiness
So here I stand,
A smile on my face,
Even though I am being torn apart on the inside.
I will continue to smile,
And feel
And love
And I will survive; survive to tomorrow
So I can learn to trust again
And this sweet agony
That has been with me all my life
Will be dispersed
Become nonexistent
Gone
No more.
And I will finally
Be
Alive.

That's where I dream

The blood of my heart bleeds dark
My soul is the mark
The pain I feel is deep
Death is steep

That's where I dream

I got a bottle of pills
It gives me the thrills
I got a gun to my head
I say "Go Ahead"

That's where I dream

I'm in pain
My mind drains
I silently scream

Because I realize now...
It's not just a dream

Nobody really cares
It is terrible when they stare
It is a terrible burden to bear
Don’t try to tell me that somebody cares
You say that it is unfair

This burden is big
It loves to dig
Straight through my heart
It gives me a head start
At the beginning of this burden
I know that for certain
Nobody really cared
I am like a Hare
Being hunted by a bear

It is the darkest, deepest place one can travel to alone,
A solo journey filled with struggles and groans.
Every day is a new battle against the same foe,
But the enemy fights back with psychological blows.
It creeps up on you in your most vulnerable state,
Especially when there's no one around who can relate.
Thoughts in your mind begin to swirl and swell.
Which drag you into your own subconscious hell.
Figments and entities from your past
Serve as the pain which you can't outlast.
Finally sleep always comes as a welcomed friend,
But it the morning the ceaseless battle begins yet again.

Do you remember when you were a child
And you thought
That when you became a teenager
When you became older,
You would party every night until 4 AM

It’s quite ironic
Because little did you know
That at 4 AM
You’d be hysterically crying
Debating whether to take your life
Or not

Dark is the dragon that eats my insides
Devouring what's left of the man I am
Hidden from the public is a tiny thread
Pull it the wrong way and I am dead

I am lost soul
No where to go
Darkness all around
Like the cuts on my skin
The blade sits before me mocking me
i need it i want it
i long to see my skin swell and bleed
i slowly take the blade
First cut will be my last
As i cut into my vein
My blood drips
i dont scream or cry
My Final Cut kills me tonight

I see it in your eyes
You try to disguise
The smile on your face
But there’s fear inside

Fear of not being good enough
Not giving 100%
Fear of losing
Not being the best

Just be happy
In all you do
Living life is more of a challenge
Even if you don’t show
The fear on the outside

We are all hurting somehow
In many different ways
It’s how you take actions
To climb to the top of the mountain

When night falls
the suns last rays are too soon forgotten
and the temperature drops
just like my heartbeat

Smiles quickly turn into tears
unspoken words and broken promises
the streets are almost as empty as I am

Try to drown out everything but the sound of the rain
loneliness is my only real best friend
my thoughts are darker than the night sky
and I wonder if I'm still alive

Cut my arms but I still can't feel
maybe reality is the dream
dead but breathing
I'm the ghost of the person I used to be

Wrapped in a blanket of sadness
my tears have become all too familiar
the rain sings me a lullaby
and I pray to never wake up again under this long dead sky

Days of endless struggle
More hopeful pills today
Trying to appear 'normal'
In some sort of way.

It seems that the struggle
Is always here with me
And I wouldn't be here now
If guilt would leave me be

I know there's been many
Who've had it worse than I
But that doesn't always mean
That I wouldn't say good-bye

People say I have a lot going for me
I'm sorry, but I just can't see
I can't see because my worst enemy
Is not my life, but inside of me.

Always on a roller coaster,
Not much consistency
I'm nothing if I'm not up or down
I'm nothing if just 'me.'

Very little energy
Wanting to stay in bed
Wishing to be enthusiastic
Instead of feeling like I'm made of lead.

Wanting to be excited
Wanting to care for more
But when nothing makes sense
It's hard to focus on the poor.

Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking
It's hard to keep in touch
With what is happening around me
And not to worry too much.

I feel that everybody is better than me
And that I can't do anything right.
This is how I've felt my whole dang life
It didn't just start last night.

No confidence, no self-esteem
Everybody else is right
To speak my mind is to be a fool
So I just try to 'sit tight.'

Any one of these problems
Would be a heavy vice
But when you have them ALL
Living seems like a roll of the dice.

you are trapped in a cage..
no one sees it.. not even you..
you don't know what it's made of..
you don't even know where it came from..
but you feel it.. it's all around you..
it is full of strength
that it forbids you to move freely..
it separates you from your wisdom
and it strangles your thoughts..
you are robbed
but you don't know what was taken..
you're in a place
but you don't know where you're heading..
you don't even know how you got there..
or who has brought you there..
you know you've been through a lot
but your memories are distorted..
it is seizing you little by little..
you can't stay but you can't go..
you are trapped but no one sees it..
NOT EVEN YOU...

I slit my wrist to erase the pain,
you look at me, and think I'm insane,
my eyes turn red, bleeding my tears,
and still you try to protect me from my worst fears.
Look at my scars then you will see,
why I can't seem to go around and fake happy,
yet you tell me you love me, that you'll forget,
for I'll soon be gone, and I'll be your greatest regret.
So let me die, broken and scarred,
I can't deal with life, it's getting far to hard,
everything's gone wrong, it's not worth trying,
so leave me alone because I feel like I'm dying,
I don't want you to worry,
because my life is ending in a hurry,
I'll be fine, and happy you see,
for death is what I wished for and soon it will be.