Why does it matter anyway
If at the end of the day,
I'm not okay

This isn't the first time
Is it such a crime?
To be going through a hard time

it feels like you are too much,
and I haven’t decided if that’s good or bad
my mind is so full of you
it feels as though I must hold my skull together
with nails and plates of bitterness and anger.
there is no such thing as a new sky
nitrogen and oxygen react to paint the same colors every time.
that is the stability of science
and the doom of a heart that has been broken.
there is no new love.
uniqueness is addiction.
am I allowed to be afraid now? this late in the day?
who would grant me permission,
the flash of lightning that stops my heart
the same way your gaze does?
you’ve replaced my blood
it is now you who decides
how much oxygen reaches the tips of my fingers
and the back of my neck
and everywhere else your touch could grace.

It was always you
Lovers have come and gone
But I always hoped for "us" in the end
You don't think the same

I know you don't
Because you've never paid attention to me
Ignored my every glance, hello, and wave
It's okay honestly, I've become used to it

Maybe if I changed, then you would like me
Maybe I would finally feel what it's like to be by your side
To hold your hand, and wear your letterman
At football games

All these years, and it was you
I wrote this poem not for myself
Or for past lovers
But for you.

Thought it'd never end
this continuous descend
Into an undesirable hell
rather be in a jail cell

Your grasp, it was so tight
gave up my will to fight
Someone new came along
And for once, I was strong

I barely think of you anymore
Never wish you were at my door
Don't dare pick up the phone
Even when I'm alone

Oxygen is what I needed
To ensure that I have succeeded
That this war is finally over
And I've got a new lover

I can breathe.