The lines that are etched in my skin
don't signify that I'm not right, not okay.
To me, they're a sign that I'm here and alive,
that I lived through a whole new day.

I made a place for myself
in my skin, not some medicine-cabinet shelf.
Yet, you still try to offer me help.

I get it. You're disappointed.
I'm fine. I get your point...
but you still tell me to change my ways.

If I'm suffering madness,
please don't mistake it as sadness,
I've got it all under control.

I'm remarkably glad
for the moments I've had,
I'd never think to trade them away.

So don't look at my skin
and the way that it bruises,
or the cracks that form canyons within.

Please, just look at my soul.
It's under control.
I wear these wounds proudly, I'd say.

Alone
That’s all I am
in this open empty state.
And exhausted.
                                  So fricking tired.
Physically,
mentally,
emotionally
exhausted.
     And the glass feels half empty.
Though the sky is so full;
I can’t help but feel alone.
Because no matter how much love
is handed to me
faked
for my benefit,
for their gain,
it’s nothing real.
There’s nothing gained
only lost.
One more broken piece
of myself
handed away.
               One more wasted day.
useless.
And wasteful.
But hopeful, at least.
Maybe…
      Am I even     progressing?
Or am I moving
backwards?
to the crap that used to be…?
I can hold myself up,
but after so long
my strength goes slack.
     because I know what I lack.
I feel so dang alone
          and can any of us
                                  really,
                    ­                       make it alone?

my life fits into boxes now
sealed off with masking tape
I’m leaving half a world
behind me
for new dawns and new days that lie
ahead
I am afraid
I just want to remain stationary
long enough to take it in
I want the time and the space to take an actual breath of air
to feel my lungs fill
with the warmth of the summer that here never ends
I want long enough to dwell
on that warmth that will soon elude me
these memories that will soon fade
Soon I will take in shallow breaths of ice
and only hope that I can make it through the next day
but what the heck
take me away
to the new dawns and new days
just let me say goodbye
oh, life
as I minimize.

It’s been so long
and distance
does it change things?
And
have things changed?
Time
seems to me
the epitome of change
and I let it pass
so freely
so selfishly
not really so willingly..
But explanations are
weak
pitiful
and mirror how I feel
about it all.
Because oh dear
I miss you
and I love you!
And though I wish
I could take myself back
to when so much time
had not passed,
I wish, now,
it would pass
a bit more freely.
I wish the clock
would tick a little quicker.
Because I want you home
and I want the familiarity
of your hand in mine
and your arms around me
playfully.
You mean so much to me
I’m waiting