Do you ever feel like you just annoy everyone?
Like they are secretly wishing you would just go away?
I try not to feel this way.

I try to tell myself that i am just imagining things
That it is all just in my head,
But its too late.
The anxiety has already kicked in
My thoughts are already spiraling.
Like a chain reaction, one thought sets off all the others.

I don't know what to do.
I just want to cry,
Because there is this loneliness.
Like i can never really trust anyone or what they say
Because i don't know if they are sincere.
I don't know what has caused this mistrust
But it's there.

I have never really been lied to or betrayed.
So why do i feel this way?
Why do i feel so defensive?
I'm not closed off, i tell people my life story,
But i never let them know how I really feel in the present.
It just shows I'm more insecure than i thought, even though i thought i was past this.

I think that is why i like stories about romance and love.
I wish i had that special someone.
Someone whom i could trust and tell them what i was really feeling.
Because then i know that someone really loves me.
That i don't have to lie or pretend with them.
Someone who could hold me up and be there for me when i need it; and i would do the same in return.

I wish i could lean on my friends, but they have enough of their own problems, i don't want to burden them with my petty feelings.
I know i could tell them anything, but i still feel the need to put on a smile and fake the fact that i may not be okay for once.

I guess i just don't want to make it seem like a bigger deal then it really is.
Maybe I'm afraid to show how broken i really feel,
To show how weak i am, that i actually hurt and have problems.
Even if i have only been cracked, not shattered, even if i have no reason to hurt, its these **** "emotions" and "feelings".

It hurts when i see friends of mine out having fun together on social media,
then comes that one triggering thought...
"why wasn't I invited?"

Even though i am included, I still feel excluded.
And it's not like i am not social enough,
i make the time and effort,
And yet i am still on the outside looking in.
Screaming through a window for someone to hear me.

I crave that unconditional love. To know that someone really loves me inside and out despite my insecurities and quirks.
Someone that i could trust wholeheartedly.
I have never felt this,
But i can only imagine how addicting it must be.

It's days like these,
I get stuck in the past,
These sinking feeling don't last.
But then i go back to the same old routine
I'm happy again but is it real?

A tragically beautiful space
Constellations telling secrets of the universe.
Always giving, waiting to be known.
Stars years away, slowly dying
In a sea of darkness, shining through the drowning.

I peer into the infinite space
A graveyard of lights in their final resting place.
How insignificant am I?
A grain of sand in a vast desert
What was important is not
As I rest in my creators hands.

Our oceans unexplored
How far can we stretch these arms?
We are bound by our limits
We are not bigger then we are.

The moon does not glow
without the help of the sun
The oceans do not move
without the help of the moon

Depths unobtainable
Distances too far to travel
Left to my imagination
As I stare at the sky