Feet poised and legs steady
I can feel the fibers of a tightrope beneath.
I can hear water,
As waves of anxiety splash against jagged walls,
Echoing up from under me.
Sometimes I wonder if the water is rising
But thoughts like that will **** my focus.
It happens sometimes,
Where my knees shift and
Buckle beneath me,
Rope burn ripping across my bare skin,
My hands searing as I grasp this thin lifeline.
By the power of luck and determination
I raise and right myself again.
My muscles are tingling and I beg them to still.
I know this doesn't feel like safety
But
At least I'm out of the depths.
The depths of erratic emotions.
The depths of pain.
This sea of fear flows ruthlessly.
She will consume me with no hesitation
Inhaling me deeply
Where, within her,
I am blind and
The only sounds are
Raging train cars,
Eradicating all else.
Up here I am not safe
But I know I am stable
So long as I am focused,
Deliberate in my movements,
and
Mindful of my thoughts.
Above,
The sky is unapologetically blue,
Reflecting back a childlike innocence
That lives somewhere inside that sea.
The air is gentle and calm,
Holding space for peace within my lungs.
One day I will learn to float
Because
Some days I can hover,
Just above the ragged twine,
Embraced by a limitless sky.
I am weightless and without fear
For those moments, I am painless
In those moments, life is breathtaking
And while I would love to always feel free
I know, right now,
Balance is all that I need