I tell myself, stop looking at others
And look at the positives of yourself
Subconscious jealousy is what bothers
And I fail to see the positives of my existence, even if they are there
My mind brushes it all off
I know it could be worse, it's just not my fault
I feel ignored even if I don't speak much
Even when I do, they laugh and listen
And even the hugs at the end, that fill me with warmth
Leave my soul empty afterwards hungry for more
For a sustained lifeforce, that lets me be myself
And flourish amidst the success of mediocrity
And loss of value even in those who are not just people enjoying life, but also enjoying what they got
It's not learnable I tried and I cried
And I cried And I cried And I cried
Leave me alone, let me be happy
please don't leave me, oh precious sanity

Several days went by uneventful
Every once in a while she isn't resentful
I cannot find an explanation,
A motive for her motivation

Mysterious, as she is,
There's something behind the scenes
But why is there no consistency?
How is she lonely so casually?

She baffles me, unreprihansible
The only one to me, unreadable
There must be a reason why,
She doesn't try and she doesn't cry

She encloses herself, a princess of ice
Yet when she's herself, she flies
Something is definitely holding her back,
I wonder if one day, she might crack

Remember when you were happy
Even if for a couple of weeks
It might never come back
My mind and my heart shrieks

Only when I'm not myself
Do I feel accepted
Only when I'm somewhere else
Do I not feel neglected

The diseased sees no cure
The end I might never reach
One day my heart might be pure
Stop this, this incessant screech

Long have I climbed
But the way upwards is bent
One thing I have is Time
On these steps of Torment

The fact of the matter is I'm lost. The dense infinite sea has all the power over me. I go where the wind takes me. There is life all around me, yet I'm all alone. I had people back home, but all of them stayed as I set sail into the mist. I'm cold. The only comfort I have is, that I will inevetably come across some sort of land, somewhere I can take refuge, somewhere I feel safe and warm. Warmth. It's all I need right now.
I write to let my mind express itself and to keep my sanity. Of which I have not a lot left. Had I any to begin with? Why must I suffer. Why must anyone? I don't know if suffering together with someone would ease the pain, or would it simply multiply it. Only time will tell. I hope, I think.
Not knowing is manditory.
That is all I have left.
Soon i might know.
If only because of some miracle, the promiseland finds me.
The bottle, the one I set out into the emptiness, hoping it will find the one I sent it to, and return her to me.
I might never know. Know that feeling.
I might never feel again. Im starting to lose it.
I never learned how to sail.
Thought it comes naturally. I could, but it is keeping me from it. This. This one, that is both a blessing and a curse. The one, who promised me the confession will reach it's goal. How will it know the goal, when even I don't? Empty promises. Just like they promised to help me.
What did I expect

Am i blind? What is this? Why have the gods forsaken me? Wait, I see a light. Within the light I see only dark. Where am I? I wake. Thousands of shivers run down my spine as I rise up towards the source. I am alone. The light seems to be moving, does it want me to follow it? The ground beneath me is soft, almost sand like. I follow the light, why is it so dark?
It seems like hours have passed, but time is irrelevant in the eternal darkness, it seems. Even the source is dark, only less dark than it's surroundings. I tire. I reach toward the heavens in prayer, for that is all I have left. No answer. The light beckons. Millions of thoughts run through my mind. Am I dead? Is this limbo? Or purgatory? I shake. I do not even remember who I am. How did I get here? Weird, I don't feel like I'm dead. I still feel pain in my legs and my body from my journey. I pinch myself, what sort of horrible nightmare is this? The pinch hurts. I am sweating. Wake up! I shout, as I bang my head against my hands. It's no use. The only comfort I have, is the presence of this entity, that for some reason is leading me into what seems like oblivion. I become more and more weary of it, yet I'm drawn to it. It is my only hope. But first I must rest. Both my body and mind. Feels like most of the journey is ahead of me. I can't give up. Not now. I fear I will be consumed. It's as if something is watching me, I can almost hear it's breathing. The incessent silence feels louder and louder. It hurts no longer.