I take my skin
unstitching it from my body
ringing it out to dry in my bathroom tub
It’s weary and needs a moment to be laid to rest
All of it is covered in dirt-
After taking responsibility for its mother
apologizing for its brother and for its own feelings
Shame coats it-
only I couldn’t tell you who the shame belongs to
I’m only exposed heart and bone right now
please do not mind the blood I leave at your feet
This is all I have left over as an apology

- when do we stop letting other peoples mistakes become our own
-  I am still trying to figure it out

They call you judgmental yet frown upon you when you are not exactly like them
They try to pick apart any possible reason for an action you take, a mistake that you make
Then boil it down to their own perfect little answer
Their expectations they hold for others can be grueling with how many hurricanes run through your head, though they claim not to ask for much
To act as if they can see right through you can sometimes be their favorite way to pass time, though  of course they don’t know half of it
The strong vibes of arrogance and judging glances they shoot behind your back are enough to suffocate you, but you choose to hold it together with a smile
Until the weakness returns, where you break down and shake
You try to place words together in your mouth, your poems, in your eyes, your soul, anything.. but the largest part of you screaming out remains silent
To expect to be fully understood by another is foolish  
For their selfishness and their narrow way of thinking are evidently highly prominent
And far too many complications are forever involved
The attempts to silent your mind  unfortunately prove to be futile
A cigarette, one drink after the other take away the gnawing pain that will eternally make its presence known
Moments of happiness turn dark as ash ever so quickly
To laugh at oneself, to lose one’s mind is hauntingly easy enough
In a world where no one truly knows your name.

Distant memories I will never be able to go back to, I watch it all fly past through my very own screen in my mind
The moments turning so very fast like pages, yet so very slow
I remember back when everything was simple
When I could truly breathe without an anchor pulling me down, crushing and shattering me with every given second I try to breathe
When the world was blurry, but at the same time so very sharp and breathtakingly beautiful
A dream, a far away dream I will always feel deep down in that part of my soul
I can still feel the breeze
Feel my small and soft feet in the long, lively green grass
I can hear the laughter of my own as I run with the kite in my hand
A feeling of freedom
A feeling of innocence
The twinge of realization always hits
How I will never be able to go back to those days
Ever again
I have learned far too much of this world and how things have drastically changed
Always breaks me more with every passing year
I clutch onto the feeling but my hands slowly slip, the pain and agony of longing to go back as I begin to let go
The screen in my mind disappears

I’m back to the present.

Shards of broken glass across the floor
Mirrors smoking up, my reflection paling as I try my hardest to hold onto my own frail skin
A nightmare I did not expect to greet, a fate that I cannot fleet from
Precious black petals from roses falling to the ground, the twisted thorns painfully surrounding my poor heart
Rain heavily pouring from the sky as the angels cry with anguish
Darling, I have lost you for now, but not forever..
At least that’s what I tell myself
Broken as I ever could feel, I slowly lower my shaking body to the ground
I feel so cold, so empty
Ravenously longing for your sweet, warming embrace
The long curtains swaying quickly as the wind blows violently
The sweet but haunting melodic church bells ringing again and again, reminding me this is all truly and painfully real
Tortured by this grief I shall be, forevermore
Until we meet again.