Abuse beats me.
No, its not really a person. I haven't
Seen the shape of a fist purpled on my cheek in a while.
But Abuse beats me.
Its as if my mind is a dead horse,
It has been mentioned and disregarded and degraded.
When I exclaim again why I am going insane,
I am pushed and tripped,
Crammed into a locker my shoulders cant fit in.

My cheeks cant hold up my lips.  
They have lost their drive unless you string them up like puppets.
That's all a smile is. Hiding from hardships from behind my teeth
Like lies that desperately want to be told.
But no matter how many truths I tell,
They are dismissed as excuses.
What if I did see the beauty in things and
Know what it was like to inflict pain inside myself?
What if I did fight against the one monster we all fear, but
Revived it when I thought I had given up again?

I can bet it was just as unbearable for her.

"Everything has to mean something or else we'd all be nothing,"
She whispered to herself as she put the scissors down and dried her eyes.

Sit down at your table for a second visit
I smile without relent
For I know that I am not wanted here
But this is the mask you asked me to wear

Silent, I stand
You have claimed the kitchen as my new home
I scrub each dish until it is sparkling
But the previous chips on each plate are blamed on me

Still, I am not what you want me to be
He tells me to be myself
But, how can I?
When my very nature is considered a crime

I am not submissive; I do not fall under inferiority
I am anything but subservient
Meek
You cannot teach me to shape my personality

It is time for him to choose
Between you two or me
Hopefully one day he will leave
The two of you and cleave to me

I left my hand print
On a glass door this morning
And thought nothing of it

Just like your mom smoked crack
Like nothing of it
Or your dad walked out
To avoid the fiscal cliff
Of raising you

I left a hand print
Thinking nothing of Jared
The window wiper
Who makes half as much as I do
With twice as much
To lose

My existence to him
Is the effort he takes to hunch
And clean up my disrespect

Jared is seventy two
And has back problems
From "The War"
His wife is dying of cancer
And he stays late
To wipe away
My inconvenience

Jared will never know my name
I will never know Jared's name

Jared will never understand
Why some people
Can't just use the **** handle

I will never understand
How my daily actions effect everyone
Thinking nothing of it

Jared will work late
I will leave hand prints

But someday

I will wear shoes
Similar to Jared's

.
.
i want to pull you apart in sections like an overripe orange
and lick all the juice off of your skin
.

I FEEL THE FURIES DESCEND -
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO SAVAGE A PILE OF MEAT AND MUSCLE
THE STENCH OF IT, O GOD
O GLORY SCREAMING, WHY
RAGING AGAINST SOME BROKEN
DYING THING:
PEEL THE SKIN FLAKING FROM MY BACK,
WEAR IT AS A TROPHY
FASHION MY SKULL INTO A SICKLY CROWN
YOU DESERVE THIS THRONE! YOU
REALLY REALLY DO!
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO DIE
FROM SELF HATRED
PUTRID FIRE AND MALEVOLENCE
REMINISCING LIKE OLD FRIENDS, AND
MY FINGERS LYING AT THEIR FEET
I WAS NEVER ALIVE! NOT IN THE
RIGHT WAY, AT LEAST, SING
SONGS OF MY COURAGE
SACRAMENT AND DUST SENT OUT TO SEA
ON A FLAMING BOAT
NOTHING BUT A SHATTERED URN AND A
DECK OF CARDS
AND A SUICIDE NOTE THAT SAYS SORRY,
WRONG NUMBER
THIS ISNT - THAT IS TO SAY, IM NOT -
I CANT BREATHE, NOT WHILE
EAGLES SWALLOW MY LUNGS, A FLY SWARM
TURNED HOLY SCREAMING
REPENT! REPENT! REPENT! REPENT! REPENT! REPENT! REPENT! REPENT!