I crave communication but I want to stay quite
I would love to spend time together but I want to be left alone
I desire to be held but I want my skin untouched
I need someone to care but I want to keep my wall up
I look forward to helping but I want to hide in my home
I enjoy smiling and laughing but I want to cry
I rejoice in feeling alive but i want to feel numb

I want this fog of darkness to end
I want to get lost in my husband's touch
I want to show my love without limits
I want to feel the gentle breeze moving through my curls
I want to sit and listen to all your words
I want to feel like me again

-Shelly Ramos

I cant wait to fall asleep to join the world of dreams

I get to join the fairies as they dance in the meadows of the forever blooming flowers

I get to run with the wolves through the forest and never ending unbound lands

I get to jump up the mountains with the mountain sheep to admire the radiant full moon

I get to fly high with the eagles to indulge soaking up the warmth of the sun

I get to swim with sea turtles in the vast ocean waters looking for treasures once lost

Oh how I can't wait to fall asleep to join the world of my dreams

-Shelly Ramos

I hear the sweet songs of the birds deep into my heart
The sweet fragrant smell of the rain rejuvenates my soul
The beautiful flowers blooming reawakens my mind
The warmth of the sun brings my body back to life
Spring has come oh so lovingly

-Shelly Ramos

"I'll be a better friend this time".....

Was my beautiful life to much for you
Like a snake you snuck behind my back
Wearing the insidious mask of envy
Always hiding behind your lies
Like a plague you came back and killed me
As if you haven't taken enough from me
You've taken the last bit of my happiness
The last bit of hope and trust i had in humanity
You destroyed me
You burned all the bridges in my life
Why did you have to tread on my territory?
Why couldn't you just stay in your lane?
You open your mouth just to hear all your lies
the lies that want to bury me alive
What kind of friend are you?
You're more like a demon in Disguise

-Shelly Ramos

I can see myself in the mirror
through those eyes
Those are my red lips
My brown hair and eyes

I can hear the lyrics being sweetly sung
As my body moved to the rhythm of the song
The warmth on my skin from the sun

She uses my body and lives my life
She wears my clothes and my shoes
She makes love to my husband
She mothers my children oh so lovely
She fits in so perfectly
But, she isn't me

Can someone hear my screams and cries
Can someone notice that she isn't me
Can someone rescue me from inside
Can someone notice I have no control of my body
I'm locked away in my mind

I can't stand the sound of her voice
Dont listen to her words she is an imposter
I can hear her words over and over
"I am Emily"
But that isn't me

I want out of this imprisonment
I don't know this Emily
I want my life back
I don't know this Emily
I want my husband and kids
I don't know this Emily

I can't stop hearing her torturing voice
"I am Emily"
I am not her, she isn't me
I'm not Emily

-Shelly Ramos

I want to slip into a deep sleep just for a moment
To take a small break from all responsibilities
To be able to hear my breathing
To dream in my own fantasy
Just 5 minutes for a deep sleep
that is desperately needed