yesterday a seventy year old man
named Stan slid a crumpled receipt
across the teller counter and asked
me out--and James from Faricy had
his manager give me his number
on the back of a deposit slip

and I told Ryan that I was positive
he had caught me off guard, that anything
more than friends is not doable so he
thanked me for my honesty and
stopped responding.

and a whole slew of other men,
other apologies, other dancers
and sweaty palms, all lengthy,
wordy paragraphs ending in
too quiet or christ, just take
a break but -

i am falling asleep. upright, at
the bank, to the sound of cashiers
checks sliding out of the printer
an angry little girl knocking at
my door, a child from too long
ago who's never been in love
slipping in and out of a
subdued conciousness
I give up my idea of
the perfect man,
I give it up


i give it up.

Death is forever
Perhaps life is a dream
The prize we savor
Is the place in-between.

Loss is forevers
But everything dies
Even the moon
In indigo skies

So stay with me now
Take hold of my hand
Kiss me me for always
In our magic land

I seized the heaviness of the Earth upon myself while you floated to the moon on your on accord.
I guess we were never to share the same fate or be mates.
Before we could even be acquaintance
You cut that umbilical cord at the earliest convenience.
Leaving me to handle the discord.

I was taught that twins are supposed to share everything not just a handful of DNA.
I thought we were raised the same but I guess you were absent that day.
I know I shouldn't impose on to your qualities you don't possess however I never really asked much from you - just a little help to ease this heavy load on my shoulders.

As we got older, you grew colder
Detaching yourself more and more
I attached myself more more
To fill in the vacuum
A job that should've been shared
Became my full time job

Not that it would matter as at the end of the day we both share the title "Loving Sons"

We are not twins.
We are not brothers.
We are not siblings.
We are, as you told me on Christmas Day,
Simply two people who grew up together in a single house for a long period of time and that's it.
I know that I do not know you.
I should accept this and not expect anything from you.

Soon - I will collapse under the weight of the earth and you'll find a new home on the moon.

i.

the grass in the meadows
has grown high,
it melts like an emerald
sea under the sun.

ii.

summer stretches
robotic and angular
everything larger than life
sunshine and the childish rains
pouring stormy drops
on the window.

iii.

the sky is perfectly white
the cloud is an unbroken
line, no dots or dashs,
no hyphens or metaphors.

iv.

i dress in the morning and
undress at night let the
pools of the night tether me
to the sky.

Not really sure what do do
Guess I’ll just sit here and think of you
Waiting on old memories to fade
And new ones to take there place
Not the the best thing for me
Wishing for something I’m not sure we can be
But just the same I’m hoping for a change
One with you to move past the pain
Hope you’ll be what I need
Even though love has often meant greed
You seem to have the right state of mind
The kind that can excite and still unwind
Hope you’ll be the one I need
Erase the memories this hope precedes

I like your ink on paper perminance
The hard line of intensity
In your hand writen notes
Around the house
Even the grocery lists
And the way your hands shook
When you zipped my dress
I take it you are not shaken often
And the way you hang out
around the kitchen
While i sit on the counter
And look at you
I watch your lips when you speak
Wondering if that passion exsists
In your kiss
And wondering how often
I can sit on your bed
Without you laying me down
I wonder if you can read my eyes
Like story books.
I wonder if you know
I wonder if you know
I see you too...
And the way you look at me.