I could quit if I wanted to
But I don't

i chose to be happy
not to hear you clap for me
but to love without fear of the world
i chose to let many things go
and to let little things go without appreciation
because this isn't a time when we need to let good acts slide

catch me before i retrace my steps
start reading between the lines
hold me before i realize your arms
are not safe and warm like i thought
tell me you love me
like you love me
before i realize those words mean nothing to you but
nevertheless
nevertheless...

we still call it love
though you never made me feel like enough
and the truth is i'm over it
lying my way through this
she still calls it love
though pain is more welcome than us
and she never got over it
because that's just the way it is.

but i can't call it love
because i need to feel like enough
and i'm done
i'm over it
lying my way through this
and i finally see
that pain is more welcome than me
and i can't control any of it
and thats just the way i live
*and i'm done... i'm over it.

if you feel to lonely
let me be your friend
if you feel too closed off
let somebody in
if you feel like you’re not strong enough
get some weights and go to town
and smile at yourself
even when all you wanna do is frown

there’s power in a smile
but there’s no weakness in tears
realize that you’re small
but a giant compared to your fears
take small steps towards a mountain
then run the last lap to victory
expect more of yourself than people expect of you
you know goals better than any

what i say

i mean with the kindest of hearts

my love

is often mistaken for hate

because sometimes my visions spill out of my mouth when i see the life you’re trying to create

just take 

a look

but don’t look with your eyes

your eyes can’t see when your mind starts to fly

what i say

i say with an authority i shouldn’t have 

inhibition delivering me to my very well deserved state

teenage dream

but the dreams i have are controlled chaos 

nightmares that twist my rib cage towards the so desired truth

what i say

is the result of you trying to bleach me

teach me the truth that was passed down to greet me

wash me of my secret maturity

because its rude to stand up for what i believe in 
if what i believe in

is on the opposite end of a person over five years older than me

what i say 

is more than an everyday opinion 

i have washed that word from my vocabulary 

and protested it to no end
what i say

is not the result of the lack of thinking

it’s the result of admitting that the lack of thinking created this mess that we call

freedom of speech

and i know a little more of what it’s like

to become an object of a proven point

when your point has been proven by others

and you have to sharpen the edges for it to be seen as the same words

and i don’t know every scripture 
but i know that God is love

so why are those three words seen differently on Sunday morning out of a preachers mouth?

and i’m no republican (sorry daddy) but i know my God given rights
my country given rights
and my self given rights

but i no longer see that integrity in the cops we throw outside

and i dare say 
i am afraid of the american flag

because the fabric is being held against our mouths 
silencing us by giving us freedom

but if i brought these things up to you 

you wouldn’t understand

because you take part in the war

and don’t feel the land and it’s plans

70% of the people i know could tell me i’m wise

but when the time comes to talk i gotta sit on the sidelines
and watch people potentially ruin their lives 

because i’m 13

all i have to worry about are friendships 

and lies

and homework 

and guys

and i’m not downplaying these things

i’m just saying

a lot of adults have signed me up for wars

and told me i’m not ready for the training

but hey

what do i know

i’m only 13

but just because a cut is small

doesn’t mean it won’t bleed

and experience means nothing without integrity 

which is better than anything you could ever teach

so when i speak

someone is bound to listen to me

and to that one random person 

who i’ll probably never meet

thank you
for being a part of the solution

despite the fact 
that we’re only 13

and in case you were wondering about the other 30

in the percentage above
**
it’s my family

their colors light up the sky
after the most threatening storms

they make the world feel safe and warm

but though they bring so many smiles

the rainbow
doesn’t smile

no 

it is the very metaphor for the depressed and the broken

all the rainbow asks for is a token of appreciation

but it’s enough 
just to make you smile

because the rainbow will trade it’s happiness 
for yours

will shake the very floors of your eyes

what a surprise
rainbow is depressed?

but she’s so pretty…

she’s skinny
*
her waist is the size of the outside of her mirror

her stomach is empty

when she breaths in 
she sorta stays there

but she’s skinny

she’s skinny
she cuts 
more than she eats
but she’s skinny

she’s skinny
she pretends her birthday makeup will change

anything

but she’s skinny

she’s skinny

she can barley breathe**

*but she’s skinny

i'm leaving tomorrow
and i won't be back
but maybe if you remember me
loud enough
i'll be stubborn enough
to hear you..

who am i?
if i look in the mirror
what will i find?
i take the time
to distroy myself
but not enough to look at the scars
my story hides
in the memories

i am the stars that wish to be big as the moon
i am the maxed out heart that pretends to have room
i am the dreamer who can’t sleep no more
i am the build-a-bear that walks on it’s own
i’m the orphan child thats created a home
i am the one who asks herself what am i fighting for
i am
i am

all i am is my memories
the good and the bad
if i try maybe i can be
the dreams i used to have

i stopped lying to myself and saying that you love me
why can't you do the same?
stop playing this game as if we can choose a winner
eat your dinner in the corner of the room and assume it's my fault
your plate caught on fire
admire love from afar
but with anger
get up close and personal
personally i'm over the whole think
i just want you to admit it
for me
admit that you stopped caring the first time you scream
admit you were wounded in the war for your family
and for gods sake
admit you were wrong
daddy

they've escaped my body
all the thoughts in my head
they went in with my dinner
and out with my sanity
as if you could get rid of a problem by making one
but maybe i'm the problem
i don't even know what i'm getting rid of
i half want to go up to something who purges in the bathroom and ask
"what's your excuse"
the other half of my thoughts go toward telling someone the truth
a conversation i do not want to have
would you?
it's not like i'm being ***** trained
i can't go up to my mother and say
"Look mommy, i threw up on my own."

can you explain something?* why am i not good enough? i know i’m not perfect, but i assumed that you did to. and i know you’re meant to teach me, because thats what parents do. but am i no longer allowed to speak anymore because of my attitude?

So i guess it’s my fault, the reason you come home angry and give me that look at that drop of a pen. And oh my God, that look. If looks could ****, you would have murdered me with nightmares. But I guess i’m supposed to grow up thinking thats what daddies do. Threaten you with eyes, hurt with words,, and deny it when you bring it up, too.

But i guess it’s my fault. I’m the one who “didn’t see” my brothers brain development. Despite the constant warning of your children, your final decision was to deal with it.

But i guess it’s my fault, that when someone says *“your parents raised you well,”

now i have to lie. But i’ll be dammed if i give up and let you raise me.

So it’s my fault, because all these things are true. And the new rule, that only applies to me is “speak when spoken to.” I supposed i raised myself, because wrong and right were always in my mind. True. But mother, with all your excuses for him

**I’m a little hurt by you

i waited for you to see it
i waited for you to care
i waited at your doorstep
to find that you weren't there

i waited for you to hear me
in the deepest parts of my soul
while you waited for me to speak
i waited for you to say so

i waited for you to notice
the smile i'd always fake
i waited for you to see it
i waited til i'd fade

i waited for years and years
for you to look through my lies
i waited for you to see it
everything i'd hide in my eyes

i waited for you to see it
i waited for you to care
i waited at your doorstep
*and found that you moved somewhere

if people were like rain
then i was a drizzle
and she
*a hurricane

he carried her secrets to his grave
she carried his secrets to his grave also

nobody notices how dark we are
until we walk in front of a moving car

Why do you hate me?
did i do something wrong?
just yesterday you were staring at me singing a new song.
i heard your cries from your room
why do a knife you hold?
sweet child
my princess
you don't really bleed gold.

you tell me all your secrets
i keep them to this day
and this is how you repay me?
by breaking me in your memory?

why do you scorn me?
did i say the wrong thing?
did i remind you of the memories your beautiful eyes bring?

is this what you've become?
a pile of scars?
why don't you understand when i show you you i show you art
when you smile it's brighter than the sun
even your frown is like the moon
don't let the voices in your head say "it'll all be over soon"
because it won't
i will always be a constant memory
of the screams of your mother
the bruises of your daddy
and before i ever got to show you your beauty
*you broke me...

little girl
only birthday wish in the whole wide world was to be
perfect
heavy world
carrying it on her shoulders trying to be
worth it

wearing confidence
but skin don't fit
only thing she wants is what she can't get
its to be
perfect

i'm not going nowhere
until you tell me who you want me to be
I've been walking in circles just trying to find me
i'm now trusting no one
until they learn why they can't trust me

**i'm not going nowhere
until i'm everybody's everything

tearing
            myself
                          apart
                                    and
                                       i
                                      
                                    don't

                                    know
                                      
                                    how
                                  
                                   to
*stop

I am a scenery
to be looked at from afar

when you're on a balcony looking out to new york
your eyes immediatly go to the buldings with the pretty lights
not even thinking about whats within them
and you're last glance is to the darkest spots
but if you looked at them closer you'd realize they count the most

and no matter how far to the edge you will be
you'll never be close enough to really look at me
you will never see the inside of my buildings
nor walk the dark spots in the depths of my mind
there was a time when i could call myself beautiful

*just look at all the pretty lights
the billboard saying "be who you wanna be"
but even if you're at the edge of your seats
you'll never get close enough to a scenery

i went searching for God
while he waited at the starting line
i thought he left me
when i left him beind

inhale exhale
my God i'm scared to fail
i got to get some things off my mind
sombody spoke of healing with smoke
it'll hurt
but it's worth it for a short time

breathe in the war thinking the fight will fade away
when slowly your lungs start to deteriorate

walking though the clouds for a moment of relief
coming back to earth with an addiction and blacker teeth
breathe in the demons, breath out the light
repeat the cycle when you don't wanna fight

the cigarette smoke, the cigarette smoke
and where will you go when the demons come home
the cigarette smoke, you're holdng it close
and you can't let go

i never wanted this
thought that i owned it
but turns out that it owns me
i'm getting weaker, a heartache
a fever
this is burning down my family tree

breathe in the war thinking you're fighting for the wrong side
turns out you're in the middle of the fight

walking through the clouds for a moment of relfief
coming back to earth with an addiction and blacker teeth
breathe in the demons, breathe out the lies
like when they told you that you had to fight

the cigarette smoke, the cigarette smoke
an where will you go when the demons come home
the cigarette smoke, you're holding it close
and you can't let go

the demons creeping up on me
been so long since i could really breathe
sombody help me before i die

walking through the clouds for a moment of relief
coming back to earth with an addiction and blacker teeth
*breathe in the demons, breathe out the life
repeat the cycle because it's too hard to fight
the cigarette smoke, the cigarette smoke
and where will you go when the demons come home
the cigarette smoke, you're holding it close
and you can't let go

you're words are soft
but cut so deep
they drive a hole into my cheek
your tears are cold
but storms unfold
as we **** ourselves for silver and gold
money falls
burning right through our fragile walls
people on the street fighting for pennys

and we're walking on

singing all about our troubles
in our bubbles
making it rain
but i'm still from the hood in my brain
buying clothes for fun
got 99 problems but a dollar ain't one

walking down the street while angels digging through the trash
hoping for the day they're "free at last free at last"

we **** ourselves
for diamonds
hoping nobody can find them
running marathons for paper chains
drilling it into our brains we need it
the better life
while our souls burn in bank accounts and my dear wife
doesnt believe
money is the root of everything
so she left me
with my family
but i still got my maid
having money troubles
isn't "not having enough"
it's not having it to blame

Love is when I put my head on your shoulder and its as if nothing is missing in my life
Love is when I don't have to say anything before you tell me
"don't worry, we'll get through this together"
Love is when I can rest my head on your lap, close my eyes, and feel safe
Love is when every argument we have ends with "I love you"
Love is when nothing can stand against our two flames
Love is you and me against the world baby

You take her for granted
You take her and slam her
She's a party favour for you friends to enjoy
While you play drinking games on her bones

Her eyes tell her story
Which is why she closes them tight
She never wants to remember that night

And when her baby cries
She remembers her own
Now she has to raise this baby alone

she has miles to go
before she'll be home
even in her house
she still feels alone
but when she walks towards the bridge
it's like she's been their forever
but would she ever be able to walk where she last saw her mother
never
some times she goes their
just to talk to her
"when are you coming back mommy?"
she'd ask with no answer
she could never really come home
her dad wouldn't let her
even though she lived their
she never felt safe their
so on her 8th birthday
the 1 year anniversary
she sat at the bridge talking to her mommy
"when will you answer me"  
said the child with ease
and that vary second she heard in the breeze
"come with me child
it's time that we go
your father's not safe
now that your alone"
and in that vary second
with tears in her eyes
"i'm ready mommy"
and she came to her mother's side.
and what happen's to the father
now that he's alone
he just looks for another house
to call a home.

she walked home everyday
when someone asked her "where you trying to go?"
she replied "i'm off to sing, for i hunger, the hunger of my soul"

she was a poetic little girl
everyday sat in the backgroun of bible study
until one day someone asked
who are you? where do you live?
with that she replied
"i am who i've always been. i live in a box, most of us do, i'm the only one out in the open with a sign"
will sing for food

they admired her for her poetic truth
she was more than just a troubled youth
but she sneaked out the back door
making everyone wonder "what did she really come to do?"

the next time she was seen walking
he stopped her on the street
"where are you headed mystery girl?"

"it's best that you don't follow me"

he went against her wishes
what else was he to do?
so he witnessed her sitting in her little box
with a sign

*will sing for food

i'm a child of extraordainary things
brought up in a church that wants to train me
only at the expense of my sanity

my words are silenced by those who "know"
they throw my name around because God says so
i'm gonna be a good little gift and not say a word
not that i will ever be heard
my confidence is fine
but God forbid the choice ever be mine
this is how passion is lost in life
offering my body as a living sacrifice
one question would safice
"are you alright with us planning your life?"

i'm not trying to be ungratful
but i cant breathe
and talent isn't a good reason to bully me
choking me with my own hand
they don't understand
i would never cut it off
but i would like to use it by my own demand

lost in praise you might mistake me for a slave

this ocean isnt live enough to catch me in it's waves
these lives aren't fast enough to learn to behve
everybody drowns in their blue eyes and irony
nobody will blink when they find out you're wearing contacts
ironic
this ocean is turning green with envy
maybe without me
it'll be better
but this ocean isn't big enough to catch me in it's waves
and i'm not good enough to teach it to behave

i woke up with a smile
my first word was a laugh
i don't deserve that

6 people in my family and i'm the only one who likes to make them mad
this is the first day i haven't woken up sad
i don't deserve to smile
i deserve to cry
all my life i've been living a lie
and i can't change even if i tried
i'd probably make things worse if i tried

living under your torture
i couldn't do anything but believe it
walking
into your trap
saying i didn't belong here
i'm just too different

you won't steal my light this time
but you can try and try  
broken a thousand times
i guess now i'll bend
after all that you've done
thinking you're number one
in my eyes
i've won the prize
and i'm still alive

facebook:** let there be friends
twitter: let there be procrastination
youtube: let there be popularity
tumblr: let there be identity
myspace: let ther be new beginnings
google plus: let there be attention ******
skype: let there be real connection in a fake world
news: let there be war
blah therapy: let there be hope
hello poetry: let there be you

i clench my fist hoping i've grabbed the last inch of air i could put behind my broken jaw

breathe in, breathe out

my mind attacks my memory like it's a world war with no allies

breathe in, breathe out

i remember you
i remember you?
since i was 8 i've tried to play God
and ended up admitting i'm a sinner

breathe in, breathe out

i brought you back from the dead
only for you to sit in your grave

we all did
we prayed for you

breathe in, breathe out

my memories don't lie
and i remember a change in you
and i thanked God with all my might that i could no longer blame you

I WISH I COULD SCREAM IN YOUR FACE BUT...

breathe in, breathe out

if i could pray i would say: God help my dad so he doesn't die in a puddle of his own rage

*breathe in...

eric garner says: i can't breathe

the black community says set my people free

travon martin says: stop following me

his gravestone is all the history we need

a little 9 year old sends a message to the man who shot her daddy

rumain brisbon says: i was just trying to get to my family

slave owners say: we're generations away
but we still have the memory of what we instilled in our family

slaves say: our childrens children will march in the white world and protest their meaning of "protect and serve"
we now have to take what we always deserved
freedom
equality
life

life without fear of man

are you up to the task america?
black america
white america
us america
are you ready for the war?

**these chains are our past
and we will not let these handcuffs be out future

fingers crawling
whispers stalling
eyes balling
you're not falling

the fowl smell of broken halls
i wanna see you crawl

my father
slave owner
broke my family
wrapped around his thumb
mother stung by his mastery
sisters and brothers in cages
and then there's me
the ******* fire
fired by who i'm supposed to be
not doing my job by not letting him hit me

my father one day decided to teach me
and i knew that would be the day he kills me
and he did
for a songwriter
to force me to write a song
is like putting a gun to my head and saying dance
and thats when you've crossed the line into hell

**you do not teach a poet how to write
thats just it

i can't describe a smile on a summery day
i guess thats why sadness is most of poetry

this is my facebook
real facebook
instead of connecting with fake friends for numbers
i'm connecting with friends i never knew i had
people here pick me up when i'm sad
a community that breaks hoplessness and fads
a place where beauty doesn't mean perfect
my facebook is right here with everybody
theres no santas list
everybody has been naughty
and i don't put my life on display
i display my feelings
because no matter what
i know you won't judge
so i'll be the first to say

*i love you facebook

new year
same me
because god didn't make me to change annually

poetry isn't poetry anymore
it didn't always used to be about artifical ink on a screen
it was about the paper stained ink
the paper that makes you think
the blank page seen as a challenge to those who knew about storms
a blanket on the cold nights you thought you'd freeze to death
ink was a super power
now turned into a machine
automatic
artifical
when it used to be just art
memories that started with a pen
a treasure hunt
all through time square
times there were ink stains in the bathroom on the floor
bike riding in your mind leving a trail behind
but screens go treasure hunting for you
ink staind
be sane
report button when you don't filter who you are
i don't need to filter my blood stains
machins don't poetry for you