i can see people
like they don't see themselves
i know who you are
that's why you won't tell
a liar is worse
then a killer in my eyes
a lie takes you by the heart
but does not take you by surprise

if you grow up a liar
you grow up a bully
your heart is faint and cold
you don't need breath
you take the breath of others
but it's OK

it's a joke
lying is just a joke to you
it has no meaning
well the next time you think to tell jokes
add a little feeling

i went to a wake
but it was more
i looked at that open casket
and saw a memory of joy
and more
in the audience
at least 100 people
to remember this woman
everybody had something to say about her
everything was positive
and i truly believe

*we saw her up to heaven

sometimes it takes
giving up your right to speech
to settle an argument
so i'll the alone in my mind
while others think i'm ok
to stay in the circal of people who can help me
though no one can help me on my very grave
but sometimes you need to be alone
to stay

One two three four
Turn around and shut the door
Five six seven eight
You say you love me
But now it's too late…
amanda
my never ending story begins here.
when i was in 7th grade
i would go on webcam with my friends
so i could meet and and talk to new people
and the compliments did not end…
then…
someone said
“show me a little more of your beauty”
i was in seventh grade
nieve i didn’t care
then 1 year later
a facebook message told me
that picture is still there
amanda
the man who sent this message to me
new everything about me
how he got that information
i don’t know
but on christmas break
i didn’t think anything of it
it was too late
for him to do anything
my life was great
but a knock knock knock at 4 am
change the way i felt
my picture was sent to everyone
i felt like i was in hell
this lead to anxiety
all the time i tried to hide me
amanda
didn’t want to go out in summer
because i knew that mistake would find me
amanda
and it did
it found me in different substances and alcohol
my anxiety got worse than it ever was before  
a year past and the man sent me the list of my new school and friends
just when i thought the torcher would end
but it got worse
this time it was a facebook page
the picture of my “beauty” was his profile
i
amanda
cried every night
lost my friends and respect again
walked down the hall being called names
being judged
again
i would never get that photo back
it was out there forever
so i started to cut
and i promised myself never
i had no friends
sat at lunch alone
so i moved schools again
just to be alone
but it was better this time
a month later i started talking to an old friend
he was a guy
we texted back and forth
and it was kinda nice
but then it got better
and he said he liked me
but he had a girlfriend
but he still liked me
so one day he said
“come over, my gf is away”
so like the teenager i was
i
amanda
made a mistake
we
got together
i thought he liked me
but just like every other
that mistake found me
one week later he texted me
amanda
saying
“get out of your school amanda ”
his gf and fifteen others came to find me
amanda
her and to other just stood there and said nobody liked me
amanda
a guy said in the background
“just punch her already”
so she did
she threw me to the ground
and punched me
amanda
over and over again
but the worst part was it was taped
and i was left there
alone
amanda
a joke in this world
nobody deserved this
this hurt of the world
i lied and said it was my fault
that i told him to do it
i didn’t want him to get hurt
and it’s no different if they put me through it
because i thought he liked me
amanda
there was one person in the world
who like me
but he just wanted what i could give him
so i just layed in a ditch all day
feeling like nothing was right
until my dad found me
and brought me home that night
i wanted it to be over
i wanted to stop the pain
so when i got home i drank bleach
and thought the pain would go away
it killed me inside but not out
so the ambulance came
and saved me
but i was still dead without a doubt
because on facebook
they said
she deserved it
i hope AMANDA is dead
and i tried so hard but i couldn’t get those words out of my head
and i didn’t want to press charges so i changed schools instead
i
amanda
just wanted to move on
but i was being tagged with pictures of bleach on facebook
how could i
they wanted me gone
i
amanda
a person
made a mistake
and on my story video
the comments
i could not take
the last words i read were
darwin at it’s best
but i’m just amanda
no more perfect than the rest

i give a part of myself to the world and leave the rest to rot inside me
the best of me on the outside
while the worst eats away at my peace
i need to tell the truth
i need to tell them i'm a fake
but my tears fall fast
my breath can't catch up to my lashes
inner scars that break my voice up into pieces

this is who i am
learning how to hide behind a smile
holding hands with the self hate that makes my life worth while
i am broken
scared to look into the mirror and see the monster i've become
maybe i'm going crazy and there's no war to be won

if they knew the real me
they wouldn't give me a second look
all they know is that i'm talented and too loud for my own good

being good was never my intention
being strong was not my goal
all i want is for my apathetic nature
to turn me into something whole

you think you know a poem or two?
you think you know the words of glue
that stick to minds like they always knew
you think you know a poem or two?

you think you know the hurt and pain
that rymed its way through fire and flames
you think you know a poem or two
that you tried to translate as "i love you"?

you think you know a poem or two
because your family won't give to you
you scribble by scribble
babble and babble about the pain that comes with scrabble

you think you know a poem or two
that talks about me not telling you
you think you know a poem or two
because you take pictures
of ****** "***** yous"

you think you know a poem or two
because you scar yourself with posters of blues

you think you know a poem or two
but i don't know me
and you don't know you

you think you know a poem or two
because you can't seem to find your bruise

i think you know a poem or two
but you don't know me
and i don't know you

i think you know a poem or two
just because you displayed that bruise

maybe it's so hard to breathe
because life is such a beautiful thing
and beautiful things are meant to be fought for...

another year goes by
where you are growing
tremendously
in a good way
not another day goes by
that i don't look up to you

not another second goes by
that i don't admire your inner beauty
for 15 years of being strong
your doing good

happy birthday Chloe

wishing she was dead
didn't get there on her own
she was manipulated by the silence
while love was unknown

left her body without bruise
but her mind was beaten black and blue
so she was left abused
while he stood over her muse

in bold i say
take the pain away
in black i say
one more and i'll be OK
in shame i say
i'm not done with this game
in desperation i say
**please take i t away

we stripped down the walls of humanity
we saw things nobody else could see
we held our heads high in material things
while we drowned in the bath of tears and wings

we stripped down hell and made it good
we broke out of jails nobody else could
we stripped down walls of you
and me
now we're both naked

people around you don't break because of you
i've had my share of broken souls
shattered more than a few
so please end this silly convo
and let me talk to you
so i can tell you how strong i am
i know what i've been through
like when i wasn't able to help the girl
who split her life in two
to this day she's a memory
i thought i broke her too
but out of the mess i have handled
the things i have seen
the stories i held onto
the blood that i bleed
the strength you see
is not mine
it's the God that rescued me

that's what i've been trying to tell you
my tears aren't all dried up
but the God who gives me strength
makes sure i don't give up
and you could never break me
with the wings God gave me
the worst that could happen
is if you flew with me

sing me a lullaby i want to forget
what you told me to admit
i can’t sleep knowing you’re near
making sure my life is here
asking mother why do you let this happen
with tears in her eyes
she says there’s nothing left for me to do
a nightmare taking over you
a teardrop on a bed for two
the lie that you loved me was never true
oh father
you were against me all along.

it's been a year I've though about doing it again
i'm trying not to think about it

it's been four years since my dad hit me
it didn't even hurt
but you know what they say
it's the thought that counts

i hate trying to speak when no one is listening
every time i say something
all you hear is a whistling
that's my father trying to find anything wrong
like when i told him i couldn't write a song
for the church i do everything for

i saw the look of despair
and from that day on
it was like i wasn't even there

i did an experiment
when i was 11
i would wait until everyone went downstairs
and i wanted to see who would notice first

but what once was an experiment
turned into something more
ever since i stopped
i found myself wanting more
and for now it's just a thought
but i wanna go back

**i really do

my life
is that of a butterfly
i flit and flutter
and don't ask why
today i live
tomorrow i die
a butterfly knows
where a butterfly lies

my wings
are that of a dragonfly
pair by pair
i zip on by
today i live
tomorrow i die
a droagonfly knows
when a dragonfly no longer flys

my heart
is that of a honey be
i work my stinger off
for someone elses needs
then something bigger
will one day take it away from me
a honey bee knows
but a honey bee doesn't see

my brain
is that of a fruitfly
nothing more to life
then being hopless
scraping bye
today i live
tomorrow i die
*a fruitfly doesn't have anything to hide

Never to be seen
Never to be heard
I'll do what you want
But I'm not a caged bird
Not aloud to speak
At least not with my words
I'll let you hear me cry
Even when my chains hurt