what would a world be without defined beauty as media defines it how would that come to be?
every baby on earth has worth beauty how it should be but nobody knows what beauty means you don't see it in a mirror though your mirror is you that's beauty to you see it in a dream
in the darkest of worlds she stands up tall in each and every fairy tale she is fairest of them all
you see beauty in a pure heart every night going to bed knowing you've play'd your part and she has i'm proud to be me "i don't want you to stand up for me i want you to stand beside me" Lizzie Velasquez
i went to a wake but it was more i looked at that open casket and saw a memory of joy and more in the audience at least 100 people to remember this woman everybody had something to say about her everything was positive and i truly believe
drained into a sewer of numbness an angel blinded by it's own light red walls of purple lining find it and you'll be given sight a meaning hidden in tears a wail of ones reflection a mirror your on the other side to this dream you say goodnight and finally go to sleep for a poet lives in a dream
athiest think that a world without god is a dream come true but if God really left earth what would you do?
day one "finally that holy creature is gone so we can finally have the fun that we want" so they drink steal and do exactly that but there is no drink without a hangover
day two now that partying is through you get back to the life of crime but there is no reason to pretect and serve and there is no way to trust the goverment in nothing we trust
and all those girls better watch out now that there is no pretecting and serving there is no law against ****** and killing begging and pleading praying to nothing because nothing is there
day three a war has broken out nobody knows what to do just have faith in wait there is no faith that went with God so instead of asking God to come back or just be seen the ones who sent them away say **where is your God now?
evil Is the absence of God death* is the absence of life Lies Are the absence of truth you Are the absence of trust in what I can do you Don't believe though I've proven it true that I Do what only God gives me strength to do Even though in your eyes That is an excuse so no It's not hurting me to be there for you Because in my mind that's what friends do and yes Darkness is the absence of light *but sometimes light is hidden in plain sight
sometimes it takes giving up your right to speech to settle an argument so i'll the alone in my mind while others think i'm ok to stay in the circal of people who can help me though no one can help me on my very grave but sometimes you need to be alone to stay
One two three four Turn around and shut the door Five six seven eight You say you love me But now it's too late… amanda my never ending story begins here. when i was in 7th grade i would go on webcam with my friends so i could meet and and talk to new people and the compliments did not end… then… someone said “show me a little more of your beauty” i was in seventh grade nieve i didn’t care then 1 year later a facebook message told me that picture is still there amanda the man who sent this message to me new everything about me how he got that information i don’t know but on christmas break i didn’t think anything of it it was too late for him to do anything my life was great but a knock knock knock at 4 am change the way i felt my picture was sent to everyone i felt like i was in **** this lead to anxiety all the time i tried to hide me amanda didn’t want to go out in summer because i knew that mistake would find me amanda and it did it found me in different substances and alcohol my anxiety got worse than it ever was before a year past and the man sent me the list of my new school and friends just when i thought the torcher would end but it got worse this time it was a facebook page the picture of my “beauty” was his profile i amanda cried every night lost my friends and respect again walked down the hall being called names being judged again i would never get that photo back it was out there forever so i started to cut and i promised myself never i had no friends sat at lunch alone so i moved schools again just to be alone but it was better this time a month later i started talking to an old friend he was a guy we texted back and forth and it was kinda nice but then it got better and he said he liked me but he had a girlfriend but he still liked me so one day he said “come over, my gf is away” so like the teenager i was i amanda made a mistake we got together i thought he liked me but just like every other that mistake found me one week later he texted me amanda saying “get out of your school amanda ” his gf and fifteen others came to find me amanda her and to other just stood there and said nobody liked me amanda a guy said in the background “just punch her already” so she did she threw me to the ground and punched me amanda over and over again but the worst part was it was taped and i was left there alone amanda a joke in this world nobody deserved this this hurt of the world i lied and said it was my fault that i told him to do it i didn’t want him to get hurt and it’s no different if they put me through it because i thought he liked me amanda there was one person in the world who like me but he just wanted what i could give him so i just layed in a ditch all day feeling like nothing was right until my dad found me and brought me home that night i wanted it to be over i wanted to stop the pain so when i got home i drank bleach and thought the pain would go away it killed me inside but not out so the ambulance came and saved me but i was still dead without a doubt because on facebook they said she deserved it i hope AMANDA is dead and i tried so hard but i couldn’t get those words out of my head and i didn’t want to press charges so i changed schools instead i amanda just wanted to move on but i was being tagged with pictures of bleach on facebook how could i they wanted me gone i amanda a person made a mistake and on my story video the comments i could not take the last words i read were darwin at it’s best but i’m just amanda no more perfect than the rest
i'm sorry if my words are true everything i said i meant to you everywhere you went with me people mistook us for family though we are as far from it as a horse and a frog but nobody sees it because our family's a fog the memories are nothing our lives are a mess so go back to England
i give a part of myself to the world and leave the rest to rot inside me the best of me on the outside while the worst eats away at my peace i need to tell the truth i need to tell them i'm a fake but my tears fall fast my breath can't catch up to my lashes inner scars that break my voice up into pieces
this is who i am learning how to hide behind a smile holding hands with the self hate that makes my life worth while i am broken scared to look into the mirror and see the monster i've become maybe i'm going crazy and there's no war to be won
if they knew the real me they wouldn't give me a second look all they know is that i'm talented and too loud for my own good
being good was never my intention being strong was not my goal all i want is for my apathetic nature to turn me into something whole
I can't take it anymore Being myself is too hard Not being able to do anything At the mercy of my heart I would cry right now But it's wrong And my misery is illegal I'm crushed between my flaws At the mercy of the law
i am an unfinished paragraph a song forever meant to be sung by whoever remembers me when i'm gone beyond that i am me a bag of bones a bottle of pride bred to survive on cheap ideas and butterflies a lie that only the fittest survive but i'm about as unhealthy as it gets on the inside and i still have some fight left in my faded eyes surprise i'm not a picture frame you can't put whatever you want inside of my and expect it to stay i'm not a coloring book i am not black and white so you can color me in i'm black and white so you can learn what it means not to you'll never see makeup on my face on an ordinary day because i kinda like my face it's started to grow on me this way my *****, natural hair will never be surpressed by irons because i've grown quite attatched to the way it grows my body is not a trend it can not go out of style my mind is not a notebook you cannot scribble to pass the time i'm so much of a free thinker i could have been born in the ocean because from birth to present day i don't even understand the depths of my mind and i really want you to like me but if you don't do worry i'll survive
she's a writer she writes about pain she writes about how she she is the one to blame
she's an author she writes about the life she never understood and how sometimes her life has less meaning then dying
she writes when she comes home from school she writes about the suffering she writes about her father beating her she writes about the bullies she writes about how worthless she thinks she is her handwriting is so beautiful when she talks about pain it's a shame that she writes on her arm
she's an author she does nothing without inspiration and her inspiration? silent screams beautiful things that wilt like how she was born of a mother who was a victim of **** and she writes because her mother can never look at her the same
she is an author her inspiration? if a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it does it make a sound? more like if a girl cuts in her room and nobody cares will the silence ruin her?
she is an author she is a poet she hates herself and only she knows it
they called her *worthless what they meant was priceless
she copyrighted her silent song with blood she wrote because she wanted everyone to know she nobody knew
she was an author she was a bother she was a punching bag for her father she was an angel she was a demon but she didn't know which part of her to dream with
you were her inspiration she wrote about you and now you see everything now that she's shown it to you
now you pick up the glass that she used to write her final story and she didn't copyright it
i made love to the idea of leaving my footprint on the world without looking into the idea of my foot getting caught in quick sand getting lost in dance for a while but i could never dance the urges off of me unsee the things i had to see the insecurities spewed out into my toilet it took me a while to realize bulimia is almost always metaphorical and for a while it became a necessity
i forgot how to fix these things inside of me my rather apathetic way of getting threw things and after a while my father's anger got the best of me there's this numbness in my chest i can no longer think i can't think knowing the secrets of my family i can't think putting all their mistakes on me i can't think knowing my parents rejected my hurting and i can't eat i can't eat with all these pains building up inside me
i made love to the idea of leaving my footprint on the world but i left a footprint on my soul instead right now i'm barely beautiful my urges leave me dead
there is a wall separating you and me a wall that only you can see it's barrier is made of pain, destruction, and misery and you can't get past it if it's all that you think to get past it all you need is to say this isn't me i believe in a better day if you say those words there would be no misery to be seen so break down the barrier come be with me
I'm becoming the person I was afraid I would be The the evil inside that always scared me I'm becoming the person I hated all my life But i don't wanna keep hating me And I know you don't think its a horrible thing But you don't see it from the thoughts I hate myself for thinking The walk i walk isnt very Becoming
I learned that When you wish upon a broken dream You become your very nightmare And nobody is there Nobody is ever there Nobody will ever be there
This is how it has to be? Do I hold on? Do I give up? Do I hate me for who I am?
Do I pray it away? Or rip it out with my own hand?
trapped inside her mind like she was trapped inside her jacket little did they no all those voices were anything but racket "they're calling me again" "they're telling me to give in" little did they know she would never let them win but they were the one's telling her to give up all through the day and finally she thought to herself "maybe it's better this way" and when she woke up again on the 366th day "it's finally over" the guard said "what's over because you still have to stay" "the day that finally made me this way the day that made me think i wouldn't be anything today. the day that sent me here but i was always on my way do my parents no this isn't real no but it's better this way"
people around you don't break because of you i've had my share of broken souls shattered more than a few so please end this silly convo and let me talk to you so i can tell you how strong i am i know what i've been through like when i wasn't able to help the girl who split her life in two to this day she's a memory i thought i broke her too but out of the mess i have handled the things i have seen the stories i held onto the blood that i bleed the strength you see is not mine it's the God that rescued me
that's what i've been trying to tell you my tears aren't all dried up but the God who gives me strength makes sure i don't give up and you could never break me with the wings God gave me the worst that could happen is if you flew with me
sing me a lullaby i want to forget what you told me to admit i can’t sleep knowing you’re near making sure my life is here asking mother why do you let this happen with tears in her eyes she says there’s nothing left for me to do a nightmare taking over you a teardrop on a bed for two the lie that you loved me was never true oh father you were against me all along.
he came home one day with broken ribs his father turned to stare but asking him to care is like asking the air it's obvious there's no one there maybe he died a long time ago he's to afraid to share because deep down inside he wanted him to care. "Daddy are You with me Daddy aré You There" "Go away child" And he West upstairs again how does this story end ask his mother she'd still there and on that little boys grave stone it says "he just wanted you to care" and while everyone was at the funeral he just sat there in his chair and the day he is alone will be the day he cares
it's been a year I've though about doing it again i'm trying not to think about it
it's been four years since my dad hit me it didn't even hurt but you know what they say it's the thought that counts
i hate trying to speak when no one is listening every time i say something all you hear is a whistling that's my father trying to find anything wrong like when i told him i couldn't write a song for the church i do everything for
i saw the look of despair and from that day on it was like i wasn't even there
i did an experiment when i was 11 i would wait until everyone went downstairs and i wanted to see who would notice first
but what once was an experiment turned into something more ever since i stopped i found myself wanting more and for now it's just a thought but i wanna go back
**i really do
i almost made myself throw up at church yesterday (it was a family fit thing) the only reason i didn't was because there were people near the bathroom
carnal chases carnal chases memories of deadly faces ******* after all i believe i can't pretend i know anything inner beauty harvest returns every second burn by burn carnal chases carnal chases nobody remembers the pretty faces