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Riot Apr 2014
Why can't you just love Me the way I am
Riot May 2014
You'd never know by the way she walked
She talked like there was nothing wrong
Even though life had her by a rope she was still going strong

You never know by the light in her eye
Because her love was so strong
You'd never know she was homeless

Riot Jul 2014
as she takes her first step
into a dream
she wishes to be
in all the clouds she sees
wondering why her
a little sad bird
without wings
but still she sing

in a world of tests and hopeful rest
i believe that i will succeed
in a world of darkness
where hills have been heard
i'll still be here to sing

a caged bird sings for freedom
but i sing so i can sing
about the world that God has given
and i can see it
even with no wings

so she sings on the hills and she listens as the trees go
maybe you could have your way
just go over and ask that eagle

and she smiles as she sores through the sky

so through all the tests
and hopeful rest
she finally succeeds
after all the years of praying to God for the wings

and sometimes you don't exactly what you think you need
but he said that you can fly

**but you're too special for wings
Riot Aug 2014
Is the absence of God
is the absence of life
Are the absence of truth
Are the absence of trust in what I can do
Don't believe though I've proven it true
that I
Do what only God gives me strength to do
Even though in your eyes
That is an excuse
so no
It's not hurting me to be there for you
Because in my mind that's what friends do
and yes
Darkness is the absence of light
*but sometimes light is hidden in plain sight
Riot Apr 2014
i can see people
like they don't see themselves
i know who you are
that's why you won't tell
a liar is worse
then a killer in my eyes
a lie takes you by the heart
but does not take you by surprise

if you grow up a liar
you grow up a bully
your heart is faint and cold
you don't need breath
you take the breath of others
but it's OK

it's a joke
lying is just a joke to you
it has no meaning
well the next time you think to tell jokes
add a little feeling
Riot Aug 2014
i never wanted to say this out loud
my life in so many words
my mind can't be said out loud
no matter who has heard
the mind i'm afraid to put in words

i have a problem
yet to be solved
i do know what it is
but i'm sure it's not a little thing at all

i've had this problem all my life
and still don't know what it's called
but i think i know now
it's called crazy

and i just figured out i'm a victim of accidental verbal abuse
Riot Sep 2014
i meet your high expectations  
just so you can remember my face
*but now what?
Riot Oct 2014
i went to a wake
but it was more
i looked at that open casket
and saw a memory of joy
and more
in the audience
at least 100 people
to remember this woman
everybody had something to say about her
everything was positive
and i truly believe

*we saw her up to heaven
Riot Mar 2014
i feel like this is what i have to do
and please don't worry about me
because even if i die out there
then i'll be almost happy.

and if something happens
i want you to never forget about me
but move to the next best thing :)
because i want you to be
almost happy
daily inspiration. for anyone with a relative in the army.
Riot May 2014
a person who feels alone is a brain without the confidence in tears
Riot Oct 2014
sometimes it takes
giving up your right to speech
to settle an argument
so i'll the alone in my mind
while others think i'm ok
to stay in the circal of people who can help me
though no one can help me on my very grave
but sometimes you need to be alone
to stay
Riot Apr 2014
One two three four
Turn around and shut the door
Five six seven eight
You say you love me
But now it's too late…
my never ending story begins here.
when i was in 7th grade
i would go on webcam with my friends
so i could meet and and talk to new people
and the compliments did not end…
someone said
“show me a little more of your beauty”
i was in seventh grade
nieve i didn’t care
then 1 year later
a facebook message told me
that picture is still there
the man who sent this message to me
new everything about me
how he got that information
i don’t know
but on christmas break
i didn’t think anything of it
it was too late
for him to do anything
my life was great
but a knock knock knock at 4 am
change the way i felt
my picture was sent to everyone
i felt like i was in hell
this lead to anxiety
all the time i tried to hide me
didn’t want to go out in summer
because i knew that mistake would find me
and it did
it found me in different substances and alcohol
my anxiety got worse than it ever was before  
a year past and the man sent me the list of my new school and friends
just when i thought the torcher would end
but it got worse
this time it was a facebook page
the picture of my “beauty” was his profile
cried every night
lost my friends and respect again
walked down the hall being called names
being judged
i would never get that photo back
it was out there forever
so i started to cut
and i promised myself never
i had no friends
sat at lunch alone
so i moved schools again
just to be alone
but it was better this time
a month later i started talking to an old friend
he was a guy
we texted back and forth
and it was kinda nice
but then it got better
and he said he liked me
but he had a girlfriend
but he still liked me
so one day he said
“come over, my gf is away”
so like the teenager i was
made a mistake
got together
i thought he liked me
but just like every other
that mistake found me
one week later he texted me
“get out of your school amanda ”
his gf and fifteen others came to find me
her and to other just stood there and said nobody liked me
a guy said in the background
“just punch her already”
so she did
she threw me to the ground
and punched me
over and over again
but the worst part was it was taped
and i was left there
a joke in this world
nobody deserved this
this hurt of the world
i lied and said it was my fault
that i told him to do it
i didn’t want him to get hurt
and it’s no different if they put me through it
because i thought he liked me
there was one person in the world
who like me
but he just wanted what i could give him
so i just layed in a ditch all day
feeling like nothing was right
until my dad found me
and brought me home that night
i wanted it to be over
i wanted to stop the pain
so when i got home i drank bleach
and thought the pain would go away
it killed me inside but not out
so the ambulance came
and saved me
but i was still dead without a doubt
because on facebook
they said
she deserved it
i hope AMANDA is dead
and i tried so hard but i couldn’t get those words out of my head
and i didn’t want to press charges so i changed schools instead
just wanted to move on
but i was being tagged with pictures of bleach on facebook
how could i
they wanted me gone
a person
made a mistake
and on my story video
the comments
i could not take
the last words i read were
darwin at it’s best
but i’m just amanda
no more perfect than the rest
Riot Jun 2014
you cannot teach ignorance
when the ears are deafened by there ego
Riot Jul 2014
i'm sorry if my words are true
everything i said
i meant
to you
everywhere you went with me
people mistook us for family
though we are as far from it
as a horse and a frog
but nobody sees it because our family's a fog
the memories are nothing
our lives are a mess
so go back to England

**i'll try to miss you
i guess
Riot Jun 2014
i have done everything to please
even got down on my knees
and asked you to stop giving me my insicurities

i look into the mirror
and see all you've said to me
pound by pound

but i look unto the scale
and only see **103
Riot Apr 2015
i give a part of myself to the world and leave the rest to rot inside me
the best of me on the outside
while the worst eats away at my peace
i need to tell the truth
i need to tell them i'm a fake
but my tears fall fast
my breath can't catch up to my lashes
inner scars that break my voice up into pieces

this is who i am
learning how to hide behind a smile
holding hands with the self hate that makes my life worth while
i am broken
scared to look into the mirror and see the monster i've become
maybe i'm going crazy and there's no war to be won

if they knew the real me
they wouldn't give me a second look
all they know is that i'm talented and too loud for my own good

being good was never my intention
being strong was not my goal
all i want is for my apathetic nature
to turn me into something whole
Riot Jan 2015
you think you know a poem or two?
you think you know the words of glue
that stick to minds like they always knew
you think you know a poem or two?

you think you know the hurt and pain
that rymed its way through fire and flames
you think you know a poem or two
that you tried to translate as "i love you"?

you think you know a poem or two
because your family won't give to you
you scribble by scribble
babble and babble about the pain that comes with scrabble

you think you know a poem or two
that talks about me not telling you
you think you know a poem or two
because you take pictures
of ****** "***** yous"

you think you know a poem or two
because you scar yourself with posters of blues

you think you know a poem or two
but i don't know me
and you don't know you

you think you know a poem or two
because you can't seem to find your bruise

i think you know a poem or two
but you don't know me
and i don't know you

i think you know a poem or two
just because you displayed that bruise
Riot Apr 2014
drained into a sewer of numbness
an angel blinded by it's own light
red walls of purple lining
find it and you'll be given sight
a meaning hidden in tears
a wail of ones reflection
a mirror
your on the other side
to this dream you say goodnight
and finally go to sleep
for a poet lives in a dream
Riot May 2014
taken by your words i promise
you said that before
Riot Mar 2014
I can't take it anymore
Being myself is too hard
Not being able to do anything
At the mercy of my heart
I would cry right now
But it's wrong
And my misery is illegal
I'm crushed between my flaws
At the mercy of the law
Riot Apr 2016
i am an unfinished paragraph
a song forever meant to be sung by whoever remembers me when i'm gone
beyond that
i am me
a bag of bones
a bottle of pride bred to survive on cheap ideas and butterflies
a lie
that only the fittest survive
but i'm about as unhealthy as it gets on the inside and i still have some fight left in my faded eyes
i'm not a picture frame
you can't put whatever you want inside of my and expect it to stay
i'm not a coloring book
i am not black and white so you can color me in
i'm black and white so you can learn what it means not to
you'll never see makeup on my face on an ordinary day
because i kinda like my face
it's started to grow on me this way
my *****, natural hair will never be surpressed by irons
because i've grown quite attatched to the way it grows
my body is not a trend
it can not go out of style
my mind is not a notebook
you cannot scribble to pass the time
i'm so much of a free thinker i could have been born in the ocean
because from birth to present day i don't even understand the depths of my mind
and i really want you to like me
but if you don't
do worry
i'll survive
Riot Sep 2014
she's a writer
she writes about pain
she writes about how she
she is the one to blame

she's an author
she writes about the life she never understood
and how sometimes her life has less meaning
then dying

she writes when she comes home from school
she writes about the suffering
she writes about her father beating her
she writes about the bullies
she writes about how worthless she thinks she is
her handwriting is so beautiful
when she talks about pain

it's a shame that she writes on her arm

she's an author
she does nothing without inspiration
and her inspiration?
silent screams
beautiful things that wilt
like how she was born of a mother
who was a victim of ****
and she writes because her mother can never look at her the same

she is an author
her inspiration?
if a tree falls in a forest
and nobody is around to hear it
does it make a sound?
more like
if a girl cuts in her room
and nobody cares
will the silence ruin her?

                        she is an author
she is a poet
she hates herself
and only she knows it

they called her *worthless

what they meant was priceless

she copyrighted her silent song
with blood
she wrote because she wanted everyone to know
she nobody knew

she was an author
she was a bother
she was a punching bag for her father
she was an angel
she was a demon
but she didn't know which part of her to dream with

you were her inspiration
she wrote about you
and now you see everything
now that she's shown it to you

now you pick up the glass
that she used to write her final story
and she didn't copyright it

*because she wanted you to have to glory
Riot May 2014
What is awake?
A heart attack that you chose to take
An earthquake
Shakeing your mind into a sleeping state
But stay awake

Awake is keeping your mind from your lake
Your lake being the world you step into
Too late
Stay awake

Awake is a tear holding you back from free
Awake is abusing you
Beating you out of clarity
Awake is a chain
So come on
Go to sleep
Riot Jun 2014
athiest think that a world without god
is a dream come true
but if God really left earth
what would you do?

day one
"finally that holy creature is gone
so we can finally have the fun that we want"
so they drink
and do exactly that
but there is no drink
without a hangover

day two
now that partying is through
you get back to the life of crime
but there is no reason to pretect and serve
and there is no way to trust the goverment
in nothing we trust

and all those girls better watch out
now that there is no pretecting and serving
there is no law against
****** and killing
begging and pleading
praying to
because nothing is there

day three
a war has broken out
nobody knows what to do
just have faith in
there is no faith
that went with God
so instead of asking God to come back
or just be seen
the ones who sent them away say
**where is your God now?
Riot Apr 2014
it's easy to stab you in the back
when you turn around
Riot Jul 2015
i made love to the idea of leaving my footprint on the world
without looking into the idea of my foot getting caught in quick sand
getting lost in dance for a while
but i could never dance the urges off of me
unsee the things i had to see
the insecurities spewed out into my toilet
it took me a while to realize bulimia is almost always metaphorical
and for a while it became a necessity

i forgot how to fix these things inside of me
my rather apathetic way of getting threw things
and after a while
my father's anger
got the best of me
there's this numbness in my chest
i can no longer think
i can't think knowing the secrets of my family
i can't think putting all their mistakes on me
i can't think knowing my parents rejected my hurting
and i can't eat
i can't eat with all these pains building up
inside me

i made love to the idea of leaving my footprint on the world
but i left a footprint on my soul instead
right now i'm barely beautiful
my urges leave me dead
Riot Mar 2014
there is a wall separating you and me
a wall that only you can see
it's barrier is made of
pain, destruction, and misery
and you can't get past it
if it's all that you think
to get past it
all you need
is to say
this isn't me
i believe in a better day

if you say those words
there would be no misery
to be seen
so break down the barrier
come be with me
Riot Apr 2015
maybe it's so hard to breathe
because life is such a beautiful thing
and beautiful things are meant to be fought for...
Riot Sep 2014
I'm becoming the person I was afraid I would be
The the evil inside that always scared me
I'm becoming the person I hated all my life
But i don't wanna keep hating me
And I know you don't think its a horrible thing
But you don't see it from the thoughts I hate myself for thinking
The walk i walk isnt very

I learned that
When you wish upon a broken dream
You become your very nightmare
And nobody is there
Nobody is ever there
Nobody will ever be there

This is how it has to be?
Do I hold on?
Do I give up?
Do I hate me for who I am?

Do I pray it away?
Or rip it out with my own hand?
Riot Mar 2014
trapped inside her mind
like she was trapped inside her jacket
little did they no
all those voices
were anything but racket
"they're calling me again"
"they're telling me to give in"
little did they know
she would never let them win
but they were the one's
telling her to give up all through the day
and finally she thought to herself
"maybe it's better this way"
and when she woke up again
on the 366th day
"it's finally over"
the guard said "what's over
because you still have to stay"
"the day that finally made me this way
the day that made me think i wouldn't be anything today.
the day that sent me here
but i was always on my way
do my parents no this isn't real
but it's better this way"
Riot May 2014
plastic smiles and denial can only take you so far
*but then you break when the fake facade leaves You in the dark
Riot May 2014
another year goes by
where you are growing
in a good way
not another day goes by
that i don't look up to you

not another second goes by
that i don't admire your inner beauty
for 15 years of being strong
your doing good

happy birthday Chloe
Riot Sep 2014
since she was 11
she knew
being abused isn't a punishment
it's a birthright
Riot Jan 2015
wishing she was dead
didn't get there on her own
she was manipulated by the silence
while love was unknown

left her body without bruise
but her mind was beaten black and blue
so she was left abused
while he stood over her muse
Riot Aug 2014
welcome to the world
where blindness is but a shadow
Riot Apr 2014
in bold i say
take the pain away
in black i say
one more and i'll be OK
in shame i say
i'm not done with this game
in desperation i say
**please take i t away
Riot Aug 2014
we stripped down the walls of humanity
we saw things nobody else could see
we held our heads high in material things
while we drowned in the bath of tears and wings

we stripped down hell and made it good
we broke out of jails nobody else could
we stripped down walls of you
and me
now we're both naked
Riot Nov 2014
people around you don't break because of you
i've had my share of broken souls
shattered more than a few
so please end this silly convo
and let me talk to you
so i can tell you how strong i am
i know what i've been through
like when i wasn't able to help the girl
who split her life in two
to this day she's a memory
i thought i broke her too
but out of the mess i have handled
the things i have seen
the stories i held onto
the blood that i bleed
the strength you see
is not mine
it's the God that rescued me

that's what i've been trying to tell you
my tears aren't all dried up
but the God who gives me strength
makes sure i don't give up
and you could never break me
with the wings God gave me
the worst that could happen
is if you flew with me
Riot Jul 2014
i hold this knife in my hand
wondering where you went
i hole these thoughts in my head
broken and bent
i'm not a hero
so i can't see the stars
but i watch the moon go by
wondering where you are
Riot Jan 2015
i clench my fist hoping i've grabbed the last inch of air i could put behind my broken jaw

breathe in, breathe out

my mind attacks my memory like it's a world war with no allies

breathe in, breathe out

i remember you
i remember you?
since i was 8 i've tried to play God
and ended up admitting i'm a sinner

breathe in, breathe out

i brought you back from the dead
only for you to sit in your grave

we all did
we prayed for you

breathe in, breathe out

my memories don't lie
and i remember a change in you
and i thanked God with all my might that i could no longer blame you


breathe in, breathe out

if i could pray i would say: God help my dad so he doesn't die in a puddle of his own rage

*breathe in...
Riot Sep 2014
i walk onto nothing
and make a bridge
**but it's burning behind me
Riot Jun 2014
sing me a lullaby i want to forget
what you told me to admit
i can’t sleep knowing you’re near
making sure my life is here
asking mother why do you let this happen
with tears in her eyes
she says there’s nothing left for me to do
a nightmare taking over you
a teardrop on a bed for two
the lie that you loved me was never true
oh father
you were against me all along.
Riot May 2014
Tell all
Or tell nothing
Go home
Or go back
Go back to your room

I can't be what you want
I can't cry for me
I can't be sad for nothing
And unfortunately nothing is me

Tell me one time
When I could have been perfect
I don't know what else to do
Except go back to the broken mirror
And pick up a piece or two

I love to paint
I'll paint my pain
On my arm
A picture of you
But all I can do
Is go to my room
And pick up a piece or two
Riot Mar 2014
he came home one day
with broken ribs
his father turned to stare
but asking him to care
is like asking the air
it's obvious there's no one there
maybe he died a long time ago
he's to afraid to share
because deep down inside
he wanted him to care.
"Daddy are You with me
Daddy aré You There"
"Go away child"
And he West upstairs again
how does this story end
ask his mother
she'd still there
and on that little boys grave stone it says
"he just wanted you to care"
and while everyone was at the funeral
he just sat there in his chair
and the day he is alone
will be the day he cares
Riot Jun 2014
it's been a year I've though about doing it again
i'm trying not to think about it

it's been four years since my dad hit me
it didn't even hurt
but you know what they say
it's the thought that counts

i hate trying to speak when no one is listening
every time i say something
all you hear is a whistling
that's my father trying to find anything wrong
like when i told him i couldn't write a song
for the church i do everything for

i saw the look of despair
and from that day on
it was like i wasn't even there

i did an experiment
when i was 11
i would wait until everyone went downstairs
and i wanted to see who would notice first

but what once was an experiment
turned into something more
ever since i stopped
i found myself wanting more
and for now it's just a thought
but i wanna go back

**i really do
i almost made myself throw up at church yesterday (it was a family fit thing) the only reason i didn't was because there were people near the bathroom
Riot Nov 2014
my life
is that of a butterfly
i flit and flutter
and don't ask why
today i live
tomorrow i die
a butterfly knows
where a butterfly lies

my wings
are that of a dragonfly
pair by pair
i zip on by
today i live
tomorrow i die
a droagonfly knows
when a dragonfly no longer flys

my heart
is that of a honey be
i work my stinger off
for someone elses needs
then something bigger
will one day take it away from me
a honey bee knows
but a honey bee doesn't see

my brain
is that of a fruitfly
nothing more to life
then being hopless
scraping bye
today i live
tomorrow i die
*a fruitfly doesn't have anything to hide
Riot Mar 2014
Never to be seen
Never to be heard
I'll do what you want
But I'm not a caged bird
Not aloud to speak
At least not with my words
I'll let you hear me cry
Even when my chains hurt
Riot Jul 2014
carnal chases carnal chases
memories of deadly faces
lusting after all i believe
i can't pretend i know anything
inner beauty
harvest returns
every second
burn by burn
carnal chases carnal chases
nobody remembers the pretty faces
Riot Sep 2014
i spend everyday wondering why i live
knowing there's nothing more to give

i live off of the face of the crowd
living life
laughing out loud

i'm nothing more than a "party girl"
who would care about me?
my friends show up in the middle of the night
knowing i'll be there waiting

i try to scream and tell them how i'm feeling
but all that comes out it is "lets get another drink"

123 123 drink
123 123 drink
123 123 drink
throw em back till i loose count

as reckless as it seems
who knows what i could do to myself and others

another sun comes up
who's in my bed this time?
does it really matter anymore
since i no longer have the courage to look in the mirror
i run and shut the door

123 123 drink
123 123 drink

123 123 drink
who cares to count anymore?

you won't recognize me in the night
i'm a bird that fly's
straight into the window
because that's all i'm capable of doing
wrecking everything
so i'll swing on the chandelier

until you can't recognize me in the daytime*

just hold on for tonight
Riot Sep 2014
If you had 1 hour to change the world
Would you rather fail
Or die in the process?
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