wishing she was dead
didn't get there on her own
she was manipulated by the silence
while love was unknown

left her body without bruise
but her mind was beaten black and blue
so she was left abused
while he stood over her muse

it's been a long year
it'll all be different now
to all who made a change
come up and take a bow
but for the rest of us
maybe this time
it's a new year
don't stay behind
don't change who you are
but don't stay the same
be the person you always wished you could claim

forget the one that gave you life
because santa gives x-box

she's gonna die because of me
everyday i see it
in the broken vocabulary
that angers it's way out of her teeth

it's all my fault
nothing i ever said was right
i used to believe in happy endings
but happy just doesn't sit right
with me anymore

she tells me she's alright
but i never really was able to tell truth from lies
some times i wish i could close my eyes and take her place
because her lips
emotionally purple with my medicine

she's gonna overdose on words
she's gonna choke on all she's heard

her midnight thoughts are darker than the way my father looks at me to this day

she's gonna die if i speak up
and try to save the day

i won't do it
i won't do it
my sowed mouth will stay
i won't let her see the demon that dwells in me today
though every demon started as an angel
this angel isn't made of clay

my broken mask
my empty flask
my silence saves the day
so i'm not gonna finish a thought
unless it would make someone happy

**what i say could mean more than a gun to the head
and i won't let her die because of words that i said

lifting up
breaking down
crying world
i am your clown
making up who i am now
trusting no one
screaming loud
hurting others
by not hurting self
heart on sleeve
memories on shelf
lifting up
breaking down
look out world i'm on my way to town

my life
is that of a butterfly
i flit and flutter
and don't ask why
today i live
tomorrow i die
a butterfly knows
where a butterfly lies

my wings
are that of a dragonfly
pair by pair
i zip on by
today i live
tomorrow i die
a droagonfly knows
when a dragonfly no longer flys

my heart
is that of a honey be
i work my stinger off
for someone elses needs
then something bigger
will one day take it away from me
a honey bee knows
but a honey bee doesn't see

my brain
is that of a fruitfly
nothing more to life
then being hopless
scraping bye
today i live
tomorrow i die
*a fruitfly doesn't have anything to hide

have you ever seen a demon?

their eyes fill with hatred
but they act like saints around other people who don't know them
and i pretend not to see the demon
that has tortured me since i was seven
because they say it's against the bible not to love him
this very dark
thing
that hurts my sister and not me
if she would just keep her mouth shut
we would all be happy
and as it looks into my eyes
and decides to spear me
i wait for him to look away
take a deep breathe
and remind myself
"that's not a demon
that's daddy"

i’m sorry for the pain i cause
but i swear it’s not my fault
i fear that myself
and all I've taught
might not be worth the mistakes I've bought
maybe if i tear the skin
i can keep myself from caving in
long enough to save the world
that we all dare to live in

people around you don't break because of you
i've had my share of broken souls
shattered more than a few
so please end this silly convo
and let me talk to you
so i can tell you how strong i am
i know what i've been through
like when i wasn't able to help the girl
who split her life in two
to this day she's a memory
i thought i broke her too
but out of the mess i have handled
the things i have seen
the stories i held onto
the blood that i bleed
the strength you see
is not mine
it's the God that rescued me

that's what i've been trying to tell you
my tears aren't all dried up
but the God who gives me strength
makes sure i don't give up
and you could never break me
with the wings God gave me
the worst that could happen
is if you flew with me

broken
your worth is in pieces
doesn't mean you can't be healed
this
world we live in isn't worth it
i can breathe it
i can see it
i can see you really mean it
i'm not the angel
i'll act like it
you don't know enough of me to get behind this
lie
it's all so wrong
we're both so strong
you're not holding me back
i gave you a lifeline and i'm holding on
and you're right
you are nothing

nothing more that:
strong
wonderful
powerful
hurt

the good don't shield the bad
but they get you through the night
your worth is in pieces
and as long as i'm alive
i'll help you find it
did you really think you would get rid of me that easily?

the judge of fair
is the God of mercy
the God that stands with you and me
don't make excuses on why you can't be with me
because the only thing between us
is a computer screen

k

my friend jayden
i used to love him
but now...
i don't know who i'm loving
this person changed
somehow
i thought it was just a mood
but now he's sinning in his anger
i don't know my friend jayden anymore
i wish that i could help him

my friend jayden
needs all the prayers in the world
i pray for him
but it doesn't matter if i can't see his hurt
my friend jayden scars me with the amount of hurt that's going on inside
i just hope and pray
that he will be free from his hurt
in time

this old man
he played one
he  played nick knack with a gun
with a nick knack patty whack
give a dog a bone
this old man has no more hope

this old man
he played two
he played nick knack oh so blue
with a nick knack patty whack
give a dog a bone
this old man has no more hope

this old man
he played *three
he has no more family
with a nick knack patty whack
give a dog a bone
this old man has no more hope

this old man
he had four
parents kicked him out the door
with a nick knack patty whach
give a dog a bone
this old man has no more hope

this old man
he played five
he hangs with this ol' bee hive
with a nick knack patty whack
give a dog a bone
this old man has no more hope

this old man
he played six
he killed all his friends with bricks
with a nick knack patty whack
give a dog a bone
this old man has no more hope

this old man
he played seven
he forced himself into heaven
with a nick knack patty whack
give a dog a bone
this old man has no more hope

this old man
he played eight
just found out his girlfriend's late
with a nick knack patty whack
give a dog a bone
this old man has no more hope

this old man
he played nine
let's just say he learned to fly
with a nick knack patty whack
give a dog a bone
this old man has no more hope

this old man
he played ten
never played nick knack again
with a nick knack
patty whack
give
a
dog
a
bone

**this old man has cut his throat

I've got a bad case of mistreated
i don’t know what they need me to say
i won’t stop bleeding till this war has gone away
this is my cause
this is your loss
i’m wounded
in every palace i pay for with favors
i’m rich
i’m listed as a talent
but is it only me that dies for wounds
that define sanity?
tell me a story
that doesn't start
and end
with a beating

a man prayed for a car
and got a horse
he was so mad
"God you know i want a car!"
but God had a different plan
despite this mans prayer
God wouldn't give him a car
because to get a car
he needs you ride through the valley

sometimes real pretty
gets a little ugly
sometimes clean
is a little *****
sometimes you die
for life
you break for healing
so break honey
break

sometimes doctors are the ones doing the hurting
and we all now that strangers
are the ones doing the flirting

what you want
you won't find where you want it

pretty isn't in the magazines
it's in the little things
it's in the broken wings
it's in the rainy clouds
it tells a story
without a whisper
without a mumbling

*you're really pretty

the itsy bitsy spider
went up the water spout
down came the rain
and washed the spider out
out  came the sun and dried up all the rain
*and the itsy bitsy spider
has amnesia

a very high praise
to an unending god
too bad it's the wrong one
you stretch your hand out and bleed
and scream for what's to come
numb
a heart out of place
it's all morbid to me
a very slow race

sometimes it takes
giving up your right to speech
to settle an argument
so i'll the alone in my mind
while others think i'm ok
to stay in the circal of people who can help me
though no one can help me on my very grave
but sometimes you need to be alone
to stay

pretty little girls
making it in the high heeled world
picture of health
when they’re really starving themselves
pretty little girls
looking at the scale and cry
perfect on the inside
makeup on the outside
pretty little girls

i went to a wake
but it was more
i looked at that open casket
and saw a memory of joy
and more
in the audience
at least 100 people
to remember this woman
everybody had something to say about her
everything was positive
and i truly believe

*we saw her up to heaven

i remember when it used to be
just you her and me
pretending that we all were alright

but now that i see what i see
it's impossible for you and me to be
i almost let you manipulate me
because you tried

i remember when i first heard
the things you said about
the one you said you loved without
consequence

now i'm here and you are there
and maybe if you bothered to bare
the thought of a church without holy water
we could all be in a room without drowning

but still you stand in you're golden chair
never in need of us meeting you there
so now i say goodbye to you
remembering all we used to do
but there's a wall between a mental saint

*and her grandchild

give me my heart back
i’m desperate to feel
desperate to be something more than a mask
i’m out on my own
and you think you know but at last
i’m accepting i’m a monster
but when the heroes are gone
i’ll put on my good guy armor.

you won't except me into your world
i'm forced to be nothing but
the bad guy in a book

would you be able to comprehend
if i saved you yet again
*what if the hero is a monster?