Seven on my neck, six on my chest, five on my hands, one on a thigh, and one on each knee.

Scar one; Our voices were cut mid-sentence when you swerved onto our side of the road.
Scar two; For the first time, Time was in slow-motion. You made it possible to count the silent seconds.
Scar three; Seven seconds in, my mum cried a religious code, "Oh my God!"
Scar four; You made me believe that's the last thing I'd hear before I'd leave.
Scar five; ... Will we survive?
Scar six; My heart kicks in gear, blood flows to areas that suspect a mother's worst fear.
Scar seven; We're far from Heaven.

Scar eight; August 29, 2007. You made me remember this date.
Scar nine; The words I manage from my ****** throat that night, "Is everyone alright?"
Scar ten; You showed me magic tricks were real. The bowl in my hands vanished with the help of the air bag, sending pieces to the back for another life to steal.
Scar eleven; Can you possibly imagine feeling, but not seeing your cold, stinging, cut throat singing? Singing red, just pouring your heart into it?
Scar twelve; You set two fires to feed. One in my heart and one on my knees.
Scar thirteen; My brother hadn't seen anything but smoke when he woke from his dreams.

Scar fourteen; I know you're a father, have you met mine? No, you were gone before you could tell him his family wasn't fine, and that you may have had a little too much wine.
Scar fifteen; Like a mother duck rushing her ducklings across the road, you put mine in full-mother-mode.
Scar sixteen; When the paramedics came, they mistaken the taco salad for my brain.
Scar seventeen; The way you leaned on our totalled car, smoking a cigarette, not a scratch on you, not a sign of regret.
Scar eighteen; After the hospital, you made it almost impossible for Nan to get me into her car.

Scar nineteen; My friends waited 'till late, crying, thinking I was dead, and my mother and brother, dead. Have you ever had someone mess with your head?

Scar twenty; July 23, 2012. I got my driver licence. And by now, they've probably given your's back to you. This isn't your first time, this isn't my first rhyme.
Scar twenty-one; Driving at night, every night, I still see your headlights right in front of me. My body is still braced so don't you think you left no trace.

Scars. I had more but they've healed. I have 21 scars that you meant because at that number, that's no 'accident'.

Your hand hides your face

Whenever someone wants to see it

They wonder

Does he smile?

Or does his frown reach the ground.

Does he whisper so no one hears a sound?

I'm using they when I really mean I

Guess that's my way of pretending

That I'm not curious.

I feel it's wrong

Don't ask me why

Because I don't have an answer

And I'm too busy wondering to notice

I wonder

Does he sing?

Or do those hard nights and memories steal his voice.

Does he realize he has a choice?

To leave it all behind

To take it all in

Take in the minds who wonder

... Is he alright?

Or is he just writing out short stories.

Does he know he makes me worry?

A lifetime
In bare feet
on soft nourishing
forest ground
With a warm sweater
of self love and worth

Is what
a year
without you
feels like.

A year that felt like

A lifetime
on tiptoes
over exploding
eggshells
With a hot sweater
of hate for you
And for me

RKT

Ankles and legs always being bitten into
Jabbed by plastic teeth
It's broken my bones and clenched onto my heart
It's tightened my muscles when I've tried my hardest
Too hard
And my body can't keep up with the consequences

It's kicked my skull
to the ground
Bruised my ribs
Clawed at my skin
Claimed parts of my body again and again

It hates me for pushing through it all
My struggling body hates me for it, too
Even if one day it puts me in my place early,
my love for it would remain for all eternity.

It's the drive and adrenaline that keeps me moving
It's practice that's making me better at dodging those harmful intentions
Those magical slow motion moments
When you imagine it,
And it happens.
It's the satisfaction and pride I feel when protecting and staying strong for them

The smiles
The tears
All are worth it
I love it
I crave and desire it like none other

It shows me my limit
So I can overcome it
It puts me in hard situations
To watch what I can do
It treats me unfairly
To listen to my bittersweet acceptance
It throws itself at me
So I can prove to myself I can stand
It tests me at every encounter
Then leaves me to recover with the only feedback being from my own mind

"What's good for the body is good for the mind"
... It might drive me off the edge.

But my love for it would remain for all eternity.

I'm so sick
and you don't even know
feelings uncontrolled
wild, they go

I'm so disgusting
but I'm so lonely
hot and lusting
for you, if only.

While sleeping in the water,

Sea otters may hold hands to keep

From drifting apart.

Holding hands,

Minds sail somewhere between consciousness

And to a sea of thoughts and wonders.

We take to rough waters and

Tighten our grips

And then relax them.

My pale body’s dead cold,

But my hand comes to life in yours.

We stroke each other’s fingers with our own,

Each digit of yours is so smooth

Like an otters silky coat.

I study your hands

Every curve

And every bend.

Blinded by wondrous waters,

Touch will find your promised land.

As you studied me I thought,

“Don’t let me go”

Because I was drifting towards love

And I didn't want to go alone.

Call out for me
Fall out for me
Go out with me?

A little note to you
from me
The you who allows me to see
The me with the amazing view
Of the beautifully non-perfect you

Your hands shake
So I can hold them tight
When sad, your smile's fake
I touch your lips and they're bright

My heart aches
So your laughter can kiss it
When I'm going crazy, I silently hide
You face me with arms open wide

A little note to you
From me
I'm no wheres close to perfect, you see
You're everything I wish I could be

The beautifully non-perfect view
of me and you.

Please rain

Make your long journey to me

Allow my body to be what you rest upon

Please rain

Land on my skin

Ease the burns that leave me weak

Please rain

As I look up, begging to your gray home

Kiss my closed eyes

Make them alert again

I can't stand feeling burned and blind

You shift your weight
to the left
                and as you do
so do they
                                  One crack.
               it surprises you.
                                  A second.
                      A grin,
                it loosens you
                                 The third
             stole your breath.
Your body,
               like a slingshot,
                                 shoots
               back.
                                 No crack.

They say eyes are windows to the soul
But mine have curtains black as coal

To protect seers from glimpsing behind
To a past of a bothered state of mind

Did I see Jekyll or did I see Hyde?
I can't decide

Dead men tell no tale
They only lay behind you and exhale

Another handful stuffing stresses down my core hoping their buried seeds won't grow to cause chaos in my mind's bright and warm sky of daydreams for the dark and cold clouds will destroy the view of a beautiful place.

An envelope that arrived on my door step
A minute ago
Read on the back
                                                            ­                "Everything I could never tell you"

My hands tremble
anticipating the unknown
They slowly raise the paper fold
and remove a familiar blue piece of paper.

                                                         ­                   "Because I was afraid it would scare you away.
                                                           ­                  When I told you one thing, you looked at me
                                                              ­               and decided to run away.

                                                          ­                   I thought about visiting you
                                                             ­                To explain my strong feelings but I knew
                                                            ­                 you wouldn't let me stay.

                                                          ­                   I miss you so bad
                                                             ­                That I can't enjoy our coffee time alone
                                                           ­                  your cup gets cold
                                                            ­                 That I can't find my comfy spot at night
                                                           ­                  when it was my arms around you
                                                             ­                And I feel like I'm missing
                                                         ­                    because before you found me, it's true.

                                                               ­              I've never wanted anyone
                                                          ­                   who would try to make me smile
                                                           ­                  the way you did
                                                             ­                And I never want anyone
                                                          ­                   who might try to replace you.

                                                           ­                  Let me explain my strong feelings for you,
                                                            ­                 Let me explain them slower.
                                                         ­                    I'll slow everything down, I don't want to rush things
                                                          ­                   But I need to ask you about 'Forever'

                                                      ­                       I'm in the coffee shop
                                                            ­                 across from your place
                                                           ­                  keeping your cup warm
                                                            ­                 Please put that smile back on my face"

My hands have soften
absorbing the promise
They slowly raise the folded paper
to my heart
And I rush out the door
wearing his shirt I wore last night

Knowing, I'm no longer afraid to hear           *"I Love You"

The added spark of anger
As your eyes
Speak the words
That your mouth
Isn't given the chance to

The added flavour of salt
As your tears
Slide down your cheeks
And rest on your lips
To mix in with your tea

The added feeling of shame
As you look
Into the mirror
And see a red, shiny face
Of a girl admitting she was weak

The added shade of blue
As your tears
Soak into
That protective blue sweater
Of the one you wished was here

The added sound of silencing
As you hear
him complaining to
Someone else
Like you're not in the next room

The added second of silence
As you t-try
-like you always do-
To hold back your tears
I-in the back of your throat

The reduced state of esteeme
As you believe
You truly are a
Failure.
Because he had a bad day at work

It's much quieter around here
in these once conversational rooms
and in the crackling fireplace
that was lit
to keep our shivering bones warm

It's much colder around here
without the sparks flying between us
and no wandering wondering hands
to keep us smiling

It's much lonelier around here
where the only other hands here
are the ones reflected in the mirror
made up in its shattered pieces
that scatter the floor boards
Shattered and Scattered

Sounds sadly familiar

With red lip stick,
the mirror's edge kisses my hand
then my chest
my stomach
and thighs
and bites playfully at my neck
You loved this colour on me,
you'd once said
But maybe it was the wrong dress?
This one fits me much tighter
almost suffocatingly
to my skin
it flows nicely

Maybe now you'll take me back
into your cold, stiff arms
I'll join you for dinner tonight
in my flowing red dress.

I had another dream
Well, it's sounds less crazy than calling it a memory
I walked through the public park
on a chilly evening
Orange and red leaves were falling
My favorite season.

I sat on the park bench
which greeted me with a little warmth
Probably from the elder woman
who regularly sat on this park bench
to feed the birds
My favorite animal.

I scanned the park
Its horizontal lines matched the color of the leaves
A coated stranger walked by
His face blurred
but a friendly smile I remembered so clearly

I set a leaf on the bench beside me
It had fallen on my head
and kept me from feeling lonely
I never knew why I felt like that some times.

The wind took my fallen friend
which took my eyes to marked wood
I had to squint, I had to smile
"He said stay in my arms for eternity"

I expected two initials encased in a heart
but this was extra touching
I hoped the bench carver stayed
I hoped they were happy
Maybe I'd remember this
Maybe I've already lived it.

A second stranger walked by but stopped
And became familiar
He had the one smile
The one that I've always remembered

We walked arm in arm
out of the public park
I told him of the bench carver's message
He smiled,
"And She said I will"

It’s been over between us for a long time now

these are my ways of moving on

and I will not be sorry for letting go of these nasty emotions

that you placed in my heart and soul

I’m moving on

and I will forget the things that made me bitter

but not those that made me weak

I am a stronger person now

because you had me ready to cut my last ties to this life

but my soul is an old soul and it helped me see through it all

I am not who you remember me

I am not who you will ever meet

I’ve been enlightened from the darkest crevices of Hell

and that kind of strength will shine in my soul for eternity

To let go of toxicities

is to purify the soul


RKT

I don't know when I'll be back

My time here has run out

And I'm afraid I'm in some doubt


If you wish to read more

Of my sights and feelings that wash ashore

Please, don't hesitate

Like I did

Sat beside you
in the dead silence,
she exhales a long sigh.
It reaches far, to your bare leg, too.
It raises goosebumps,
and a question in your mind.

"You're a little too high,
or a little too low."
They've completely covered your thigh.
She seems so low with such a sad sigh.
Your goosebumps are high from her blow.

You slowly glance her way,
you don't know what to say
because according to her Doctors note,
today's not been her day.

She catches your eyes
and your's meet hers.
Your goosebumps double in size.

Imagining her losing to the sickness within,
goosebumps now engulf your suit of skin

in the dead silence.

It's your birthday
so let's get those candles burning

You've taught me so much
while you're still learning
Things get better with age,
and it's another year you're turning

But don't get me wrong,
you'll always be the best Mum,
if for a second you were concerning

There's no such thing

as pretty people

or ugly people,

Only shallow

and open.

blinking constantly, the Morning Light shines behind her
Her glorious Sleepy Smile, My heavy lids like Camera Shutters

clicking for as many Saved Loves as possible
to cherish your softness and this moment Now
to eternalize it Forever
because there won't be many more Mornings quite like this one
i can't remember for the life of me what was groggily said
or if anything was said at all
i think that's because all my focus
left my Ears for my Eyes that were being blinded by
this beautiful and simple moment of Us
the Bright Light
the Warm Covers
the Tired Bodies that didn't want to move away from this Paradise
i hoped the Light of My Eyes were reflecting into Yours
the heart-felt Message that i felt swelling inside my Chest
prepared to Self Destruct

blinking constantly, the Morning Light shines behind her
Her glorious Morning Look, My Mind's Eyes will cherish forever

If I could say 'I love you'
In every language of the world

I would start off with Sign Language,
Stroking your soft lips with my hand

Then I would go to Body Language,
My body providing you warmth and comfort,
whenever you may need it

I would hesitantly open my lips,
but just a little.
I would whisper in the languages best known to you
Of my unfathomable feelings for you.

If I could say 'I love you'

The butterflies would have to leave,
and my palms would have to stay dry

My heart would have to stay down from my throat,
and I would have to be able to look you straight in the eyes

But that's all half the fun

In falling in love
Feeling in love
Being in love

Being with you here
and now

As I'm giving my warmth to you
As I stroke your soft full lips
As I finally gather the courage to tell you

I love you.

I know we both are opposites, and you do too
But my heart's been set on you ever since I met you
Five years down the road and you're still the one
At the seat of my heart
Driving
Into Confusion
And Unknown.

The hardest part right now is not basking in your sun.

I'll love you like you never knew you could feel loved
I'll make you think you died then went up above

With the sultry gaze i shot your way that went right through your eyes and into your brain
And all the kisses i blew to you pierced your body like a heavy rain
By holding you like you're the one treasure in my world
So tightly that your chest rests still and your smile rests curled

I'll love you like you never knew you could feel loved
I'll wake you with my voice
And you'll hear mourning doves

RKT

If I ever say to you, "Stop saying that" gently with a smile yet a sad expression, I really mean "I believe you, that could happen, but I don't love the thought of you not being in my life, because I love you. I care about you. I'm not prepared to not have you for the rest of my life."

He told me,
"when I see your pretty hips
I want to be in between them, looking up at your pretty lips"
              I told him,
"I'd rather **** myself,
So go **** yourself"

RKT

I want to breath new air
I want to see strange sights
I want to go where it's not fair
I want to stop every fight
I want to experience new tastes
Understand beauties and their grace

There are an infinite amount of pieces
that create a person,
and an infinite amount of pieces
within those.
A person could spend a lifetime
trying to put all the pieces together.

I placed your brightly shining smile
between your cheeks coloured rose
and your lively forest eyes
above your nose that is so smooth to kiss.
Your thin strands of hair run through
my fingers before falling delicately out of place.
When you really pay attention,
you can learn a lot from her pretty face.

I found Ambition and Simplicity,
a Dreamer and a Planner
and placed her in my arms to hold
my soul relayed to my body, heart and mind
a message anew for this lifetime,

"You can smile brightly with her
Until your cheeks turn rose
And travel to different forests and linger.
You can share delicate kisses and
Hold her as tears run through your fingers.
So place all these pieces of this piece
close to your heart, mind and body.
Because she is a piece
that could make your lifetime
seem Infinite."

This ship is sinking
but we're floating in life savers
floating in the arms of sirens
This ship is sinking
but we're floating towards the land
floating in the arms of sirens

We knew it from the start
but just didn't have the heart
to make them walk the plank
after drawing a blank
when we asked them why

{Chorus}
This ship is sinking
but we're floating in life savers
floating in the arms of sirens
This ship is sinking
but we're floating towards the land
floating in the arms of sirens

Feeling the tentacles on my leg
they wrap around, pull and drown
all the hope I had sunk
to the deepest blue's ground

And all the shimmering light
at the water's surface
never looked so white
never felt so bright

{Chorus}
This ship is sinking
but we're floating in life savers
floating in the arms of sirens
This ship is sinking
but we're floating towards the land
floating in the arms of sirens

You have grown up but Baby, you ain’t no man.

I want a man. I’ll be fine on my own if you don’t wanna be mine.
I can manage the bills, fix the car, and cut the lawn.

I want a man. Who wants to be mine and hold me when I’m not fine.
He can help make the bed, fix up dinner, and cut the crap.

I want a man. Who’s honest and not afraid to speak his mind if
my hair looks like a dead animal and my dress, a garbage bag.

I want a man. Who gets as excited about what I’m doing as I get
with what he’s doing. Even if it may just be over a silly poem.

I want a man. Who doesn’t need me. But wants me.
He isn’t a mess and can take care of himself without me, yet allows me to care.

I want a man. Who I can punch in the arm, and he tackles me to the floor.
Someone to make me laugh, to make sure I’m never serious all the time.

I want a man. Who respects what I see is beautiful, as I see in him.
He must understand we can love one another, as well as other beauties.

I want a man. who’s my best friend. So when we have disagreements,
we’ll find ways to satisfy all intentions. And to treat me like ‘one of the boys’.

I want a man. Who will lay with me, all warm in our bed, arm in arm,
and listen to the rain outside. Because I love these silent moments.

I want a man. To read this and realize this man is him. I feel I need that man.
To be you.

On August twenty-ninth, two-thousand and seven,
Marks the night my mother will never forget.
The night that had headlights for a moon
And air bag smoke for a cloudy sky.
The night she lost a part
Of her daughter.
For paranoia sets in every night,
I would rather the moon, than those head lights.

Rest In Peace,
To the trusting girl in me
Who got lost in the night’s cloudy sky
On August twenty-ninth, two-thousand and seven.

Being woken up by the sound of rustling, it's about 10:20 am. I poke my head out from underneath my blankets, "Ey... is it raining out?" The curtain is pulled back and there's a grumpy sigh, "Ugh, yes." I smile and pull the blanket over my shoulders again, "It's another rainy day, great start to the weekend!" She agrees sarcastically. I smile amusedly. I love this weather.

My lips chill from the rim of my traveller's mug that had been bathed in cold rain on my way to creative writing class. As I tip it back, my lips are steamed by the hot, chocolatey liquid contained inside. I fix the hood of my sweater and sit back into my seat. Rainy days, hot chocolate, and sweaters.