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Thinking so much feeling numb
Not able to sleep feeling restless
Wanting to go outside the heat is overwhelming
From cold to needing a jacket
Now facing a heat wave
Staring at the glowing screen
Thinking what to write
Missing the old way of life
Need to embrace the new and change
Noting changes.
Nothing grows.

Empty highs.
Empty lows.

I can't feel the warm,
And I can't feel the cold.

You try to make me happy,
And I try just for you.
But other than our trying,
Nothing else is new.

I worry I'll upset you,
If I can't make a change.
It's not fair of me,
To make you stay the same.
Don't let me drag you down with me.
She was just walking by,
Walking by the street, At night.
With her messy hair, Smudged eye,
Unbalanced walk, And blurred sight.

Not romantically,
But she'd have fallen on her face.
If he was not walking on the same lane.
This story would have been the same,
If in her eyes, He wouldn't have seen the pride in pain.

Few nights went by,
Him thinking of her blackened eyes.
And she?
She happy in her world of pride and lies.
He waiting for her on the same way.
And she?
Shen shivering somewhere on the month of may.

Months later,
On a cold night, On the same street.
She came swaggering, Firm on her feet.
He stopped and told her,"Hey you look pretty and better."
She after a sly smile, Replied,
She was high on *******
The last time he met her.

She asked "Would you mind joining me?"
Joining me for a walk.
He was already halfway,
Before he would have asked "What?'

She kept talking, laughing and talking.
And he kept asking, listening and asking.
On the way, They departed,
She turned around smiled and left.
He smiled back, Walked away,
Layed on his bed and felt.
Felt the truth in her lies,
And the heaviness in her smiles.
When she told him about her *******,
He thought of those shining eyes.

He smiled and remembered,
How he thought she was insane,
Crazy about her human *******.
How he asked if he could help,
And how with rudeness she replied,
I need HIM more than myself.

After that night,
He could not take her off his mind,
Her eyes, Her walk and her laughs.
Where as,
She tried to recall his name,
That as always she forgot to ask.

He often went back to that street,
In a hope to see her and ask.
If they could be friends,
And walk together through the dark.
If he could just be with her,
Without any demand and question mark.

She never went back to the lane,
As if she knew he would be waiting.
She never tried remembering his name,
She rather kept drinking, smoking and writing.

Going sane and insane,
In Love and hate with her *******.
Her human *******.
When no one else ever seemed to care,
My Demons have always been right there.
Each time I've lost the will to fight,
They've promised to hold me all through the night.
Though they may help for just a while,
Without them I could never smile.
No longer do they wait to be invited,
For we have bonded and can't be divided.
On the lonely nights they keep me warm,
Sheltering my mind from a perfect storm.
Full of lust and full of greed.
Growing stronger each time they feed.
My Demons are keeping me from going insane,
They help to numb me from all my pain.
If reality requires some quick evading,
There they are so patiently waiting.
I never wanted them to hold on for so long,
But their grip is tight, and their grip is strong.
So when my world becomes something I fear,
My Demons whisper softly into my ear,
"We are here my dear, we will help you cope,
All you need is a little more dope... "

Been ridin' through hell.
My mind locked in a cell.
Who am I? Its getting harder and harder for me to tell.

Don't like the way I'm feeling.
Smokin' my issues instead of dealing.
What am I doing because I know what this is stealing.

Fantasy and reality have started to blend
Still I so foolishly pretend,
My greatest enemy was not once my treasured friend.

It should come as no surprise,
He fed me so full of lies.
He was no saint, just the devil in disguise.

He painted false illusions.
His promises were only delusions.
All my problems started out as solutions.

So much of myself he helped me deprive.
There's no guarentee he'll let me out alive.
I'm starting to grow cold, and only the strong survive.

As I draw in my last breath,
For he has finally led me to my death.
But what do you expect when you're heart has fallen in love with ****.....

You start telling your friends, you have this under control.
You say you can walk away anytime.
Your friends start telling you your getting out of control, it's starting to control your life.
You tell yourself you won't let it happen but the withdrawals start and your brain only thinks of one thing.
Just one more hit to keep from being sick, then you're done. The drug starts telling you you need another hit to not be sick.
You find yourself giving in to the drug. Your friends slowly fade away and it's just you and that dope. You can't calm your mind anymore, your life is fading right in front of you but you are blind to your surroundings. All your money is gone, your friends are gone, you life is gone. Just one more hit you say. You open your eyes and see strangers, clueless of what is happening to you. Then it hits you all at once, you chased everything good away and left yourself in the company of the devil, only wanting your soul. You almost died and it was nobodies fault but your own for thinking you could control the devil. Addiction is a bad disease that will take every life it touches. Wake up before it's to late and the devil takes you down laughing.
Addiction is the hardest thing to recover from
You wanted to escape, you did sadly. You traded your soul for something so *****.
"Have fun" they said. "This one time won't hurt"
But they lied, you got addicted & almost died.
Why am I like this

I’m attracted to poison

If it could hurt me, I want it

I’ll crave it

Desire will burn in my veins

Because I need it

Something deadly

Something toxic in my blood

Just... just let me try it...
Grew up being “perfect”... I guess at some point self destruction was always inevitable...
Tonight I am scared
I hear voices
They dont like me

Tonight I think about all my insecurities  
The things I’ve done to be loved
The lengths I would go to feel wanted

Tonight I soak myself in hot water
Hoping to drown out the regrets I hold
Blinding myself from reality with steam

Tonight I pull the covers over my head flushing out the rays of light that are supposed to comfort me

Tonight I look at the moon
I wonder how many people are like me
Whoever is just know I’m sorry

Tonight I took one step forward
And a million steps back
I took my pills to sleep

Tonight I relapsed
Mr Himel
Don't know why do I love rain
Maybe 'cause it takes away my pain
Don't know why do I love you
Maybe 'cause you gave me something new

From now on, you are my desire to live
From now on, my heart is there to give
From now on, only you will give me hope
I love you most, 'cause your love is so dope
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