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 Jan 2018 Leila Whitney
c
Day One:
Fresh Cabernet threatens the coffee table
Two seats too far to suggest anything

I fiddle with the idea of you
Muscles drawn in, eyes strained back
But can only imagine
from here

Night, then day
careless, shift about
like two sheets of ice on water
and now
I see you

Striped shirt stretched, worn jeans fidgeting the edge of your seat
Imprinting bits of flash left lingering on retinas

I wish to be in, on, around
Heat protruding chest and breath

I wish to be near, new, but am left
Beating hard
Fast


Day Two:
Light to dark running overtime
Occasion breeds conversation

You want to come over again
A buzzing
“I’m here”
and suddenly
you don’t seem so far away suddenly
heat and breath and chest and all beat and accord mine suddenly
timelightspace in between are irrelevant to how we measure skin suddenly
I see you except this time it’s all of you.

Every particle prodding upon my very reality
‘Tis a luxury,
Wild nights like these, and
I wish upon every length of being
that you
see me
too

--
c
Written as a reflection to a Tinder (yes, Tinder) date that took longer than expected to get started. There was a crazy amount of tension, but immediate attraction.
 Jan 2018 Leila Whitney
md
Untitled
 Jan 2018 Leila Whitney
md
In a four wall room
She feel so small
She feel out of place
Cant walk alone inside and roam

Everytime she's alone
Sitting and prentending is all she can do
She sits like no one's there
Pretending that she is okay

Her mind overthinks oftenly
slowly being eaten by all her insecurities
Insecurities that she is so small
And compare to others that she is too low
my compassion keeps me
grounded, if I didn't have that
I don't know who I'd be.
I live my life through empathy,
through story and heart and
breath, I try my best to listen more
than I speak. but it's hard
sometimes, because there's so much
that I need to say.

if I could, I'd take with me
everyone who loves me, and
I'd bring there somewhere warm
where we'd all be safe. I forget
how strong I am, that my arms
can hold in all the worry and
desperation escaping from
someone I love.

my eyes can see past the superficial
and right down into the deepest secret
place. it helps me feel more human
to help others.

but sometimes I'm scared
I'll lose myself in them, feel myself melt
into someone else's world until
I can't find my own anymore.
I bring that quiet courage here
to you, to teach you how to love
so deeply that the other person
becomes an extension of yourself,
feeling what you feel and
laughing as you laugh. finding beauty
in others helps me find
the beauty in myself.

I had to travel a long way
before I got this far. I didn't fall
into a well of strength by accident,
I had to pull it out from within
me, from a place I didn't know existed.

if I had only one thing to say, it would be
to trust yourself beyond anything
you ever thought possible. believe
your own story and the things you've brought
from your hometown to here, wherever
you've settled. allow yourself
to be as scared as you feel, but step forward
anyway.

through telling my story, I hope
that every shy kid on this planet
finds their voice, and that every
courageous mouth finds the ears
to listen.
You can’t give up so easily
‘cause now is not your time
You wish that things were better
But for now you’ve got to lie
Deal with life today
And tomorrow will be better
Put a fake smile on your face
And hold yourself together

You wish you could
Figure it out somehow
But you can’t leave
The walls are crashing down
You’ll have your time
It just isn’t now
Go ahead and scream
Please someone help me
Someone help me now

You feel the walls are closing in
But you’re not even scared
You just want the pain to end
Want somebody to care
You never thought it’d be so hard
To just get through today
‘cause you’re about to give up
And throw everything away

You wish you could
Figure it out somehow
But you can’t leave
The walls are crashing down
You’ll have your time
It just isn’t now
Go ahead and scream
Please someone help me
Someone help me now

You never wanted to be here
Now it’s all that you’ve got
You’re hanging by a thread

You wish you could
Figure it out somehow
But you can’t leave
The walls are crashing down
You’ll have your time
It just isn’t now
Go ahead and scream
Please someone help me
Someone help me now

Someone help me now
Someone help me
This is one of the first songs I ever wrote. I hope you enjoy it! :)
I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love—put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.
It is not a word spoken,
Few words are said;
Nor even a look of the eyes
Nor a bend of the head,
But only a hush of the heart
That has too much to keep,
Only memories waking
That sleep so light a sleep.
I am not sorry for my soul
That it must go unsatisfied,
For it can live a thousand times,
Eternity is deep and wide.

I am not sorry for my soul,
But oh, my body that must go
Back to a little drift of dust
Without the joy it longed to know.
Since there is no escape, since at the end
My body will be utterly destroyed,
This hand I love as I have loved a friend,
This body I tended, wept with and enjoyed;
Since there is no escape even for me
Who love life with a love too sharp to bear:
The scent of orchards in the rain, the sea
And hours alone too still and sure for prayer —
Since darkness waits for me, then all the more
Let me go down as waves sweep to the shore
In pride; and let me sing with my last breath;
In these few hours of light I lift my head;
Life is my lover—I shall leave the dead
If there is any way to baffle death.
I would live in your love as the sea-grasses live in the sea,
Borne up by each wave as it passes, drawn down by each wave that recedes;
I would empty my soul of the dreams that have gathered in me,
I would beat with your heart as it beats, I would follow your soul as it leads.
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