I hate whoever gives you drugs, I hate whatever drives you to do them and what makes them so special. I miss the old you, the person who wasn't coming around high and smelly. I miss the adventures we used to have during the summer, spending the nights together, eating pizza in your car in front of the lake at 2 am when you'd wake me up and take me out of my apartment, spend the night at your house and wake up next to each other. Now I just lay around crying and worried you'll end up dead in a ditch somewhere or in a jail cell. The only thing I have left of you is your baby kicking and you may not be around to see him come out because you're too busy getting baked in your fantasy world not giving a **** about the important things. The worst part is that if I told you any of this you wouldn't care enough to hear it when you're too far gone to hear me plea.

i woke up today, yesterday was what it was
another day of living my life for a buzz
i'm always surprised to see the morning light
when will i ever live my life right

what tomorrow brings is never on my mind
i search and search, then find what i find
eye to eye with the devil isn't a fair fight
when will i ever live my life right

stuck in a pattern that's set to repeat
with demons closing in and feeling the heat
my life ends up another day, another night
when will i ever live my life right

black skirt climbing up her shining thighs…
she pulls it down and the excitement dies

from the men around her: “****, she’s fine!”
looking up from her phone- she’s next in line.

“may i see your id?” asks the giant,
she shows it to him- acting compliant.

female, black hair, brown eyes, twenty-one.
everything checks out- “stay safe, have fun.”

once she steps through those guarded doors,
she puts her pvc plastic back inside her michael kors.

no ‘x’ on her hand, but an ex on her mind-
she steps onto the dance floor and begins to grind.

many men manage to embrace her swaying hips,
bite her beautiful neck, and kiss her thirsty lips.

from their mouths flows a river of lies,
while hands below swim up sweating thighs.

she’s feeling ecstatic, but he wants more,
her “friends” watch as he carries her out the door.

to say “yes,” she’s in no position,
so he advances without a proposition.

the next morning when she wakes,
in funny places her body aches.

next to her he’s fast asleep,
her phone rings: bleep, bleep!

texts from her “friends” fill her screen-
things they typed, they did not mean.

“we’re worried…  where are you? text me the address!”
she gathers her things and pulls down her black dress.

tiptoeing through his apartment, she quietly closes the door.
she’s quiet in the car still, afraid of being called a “*****.”

when they asked her to come out that night, she said: “i don’t like partying anymore.”

I put apart the yellows and the blues
fix my blemish, curl my hair and got new shoes
zip the skirt up and on my tiny waist
with trimmings of white and some expensive lace

I wore grand mother's pearls and a diamond ring
I wore a smile and a purse with a sling
My lips red and sparkles in my eyes
I wore a voice so sweet it never dared to tell lies

"she's really a beauty " they whisper and say,
"I think it's cause she lost all that weight."
nails all polished, clasped hands to pray
"I really hope they will love me this way."

I've  gone too far to be something of your fancy
I've turned into pretty but it's me you can't see
those days carefree, those days i miss
but you will never love me like this.

you will never love me when
the yellows and blues I can't seem to put apart
but I pride myself for having a bigger heart
when my curls have faded and my shoes are broken
and the trimmings and lace run loosely unwoven

I want  you to love me  when
I speak of  pieces I hold
the stories and truth  from surface unfolds
like pearls that held memories of my dead grandmother
and a big diamond ring from an unfaithful lover

Cause it's hard to love me when
my lips are dried pale mumbling rude curses,
and  I only really buy second-hand purses
my eyes only sparkle cause I'm holding  back a tear
and my voice may be sweet but it could lie too, I fear.

So i guess im back to putting on a pretty dress
Stitch up the laces and clean up my mess
Keep a sweet voice with something nice to say
Cause maybe you'll only love me this way.

Tired of waking up to pain,
Weary of thinking whether I’m sane.
Tired of sleeping too hard,
With my head in the clouds.

Dreaming of warming faces, beautiful sounds.
Only to wake up with sweat on my brow.
Dreaming of hidden treasure being found,
Dreaming of the earth’s final renown.

I dreamt of two faces,
Who held beauty in their hands,
Making magic dust rise with their golden strands,
Spreading it everywhere as they started to dance.

I remember their names,
Olivia and April.
Waiting for the one day,
When they're seen from a windowsill.

I know they are out there,
They must surely exist.
There is no possibility,
My mind made their face with mere wind.

They were both perfect,
Flawlessly flawed.
They knew I was hurting,
Never failed to call.

They made life easy,
Transformed my heart.
It melted into pieces,
Just fell and broke apart.

When I met her for the first time,
Smiling back at her in life’s line,
She smiled back and knew my true thoughts.
Don’t know how, but I knew we could bond.

I don’t recall her face,
Although it was pure magic.
Gold-toned skin wrapped in fate,
Smooth red lips that always lasted.

Her sun-kissed hair glistened in the day,
She’d sweep me up in it and I would just faint.
Never curled or fixed to look its best,
I loved it fully along with her blue dress.

She’s out there somewhere,
I just have to start searching.
I’ll look too long, I don’t care,
If it means I’ll start learning.

I can see her in their eyes,
I know it was too long.
But I still don’t regret it,
Even if I am wrong.

She reveals her eyes,
Through strangers I see.
Don’t want to miss her walking by,
Like in my sweet sounding dream.