You,

call me unfathomable, hard to get, misunderstood but little do you see

The effort. the pain is secondary.

I have stood with my soft heart in my hands forever, so now

if my visage seems like stone, can you imagine how long it truly took

to harden even my shadow?

Like a column poetically placed in the midst of a desert, I simply stand the test of time.

I have hardened this vision to seem effortless to you, and to me. I have given more to this world than one can understand and yet, I will stand now, still as a stone. immovable. unapologetic.

Perhaps there's a reason,
Why dusk remains so short
Dancing between the lips of sunset
And the longing sighs of twilight

It is a silken scarf that comes
Undone in a moment of passion
Weaving threads of desire, colour and rising heat
All in one, to create a maroon thread of light and cloud
Before disappearing between the thighs of the horizon and the stars.

A wall of rain approaches.
As I watch it travel towards the sea
Does the rain in my soul
Cease to watch its cerulean glow
Against the brewing waters.

In this pain that remains silent
Furtive, devastating, and yet numb
I hold my sanity
I hold myself
I hold
I
I hold
I hold no one
I hold no regret
Anguished, angry, and yet determined
In this pain that is no longer silent.

Fear comes a walking,
Not clothed in black, or in plain clothes
but in style...passionate and powerful.
it is in the ordinary disguise that our
senses are thrown and we are caught off-guard
taking it's delicious offers to heart, ceaselessly.
It is easy to spot, but difficult to discern
And if left, will amass a great wealth of its own.

I stand solid, the fabric flows against the folds of my marble skin
I watch the fires of angst burn this beauty away so -
Now I am a black, burnt crust from forces that force my feet into the floor and,
As I sink against the fluid tiles and the trippy nightmare of reality
I ask, have you ever seen a statue cry?


M.

I wish your lungs
burn'd.

For me
like they burn

For the rush of nicotine,

that you don't seem to leave.

We've lost sight of our shadows.
They've merged into us and
no more is there 3-D vision
but a 2D nightmare.

So tonight I'll set fire to,

The hollow chills inside
the drink burns in my larynx.

My thoughts echo deeply,
Against the looming silence.

"let it all die
let it all die
let it all die."



M.

There's jazz playing in the room,
It all sounds far away

I'm floating above the lampshade

I toss amongst the periphery

Of a chaotic mind and room
i've been swimming in moods
so long, that I couldn't just make do.

"You're the only woman I've ever loved"

I knew I was due a heartbreak.

Upon the earth from which you had once sprung,

I now see you, dying in its arms, fluttering

Against the grasp of the soil's embrace

Struggling against its freshly fallen leaves.

You are but a light, taking in
The last moments of air, the last
Feeling, of the way the earth rotates


Around your soft feelers.

I will always be burning.


From those singed
And charred ruins, I


Hold the ashes of anger, sorrow and pain...


A girl forever running through the flames.

I don't care.

and you're afraid of me

Afraid of you, the world and it's many


Complexities.


You don't care.

and that scares me

scares the girl who dreams

The girl who wants to

Believe.


Do we care?

Not for anything but the "we"

this "we" is just "me" and it will all be gone so

Quickly.


So don't care.

for the "we" or "me or anybody

For all the stardust that runs in our veins,


we still remain,

vain, selfish and



Needy.

I couldn't finish my poem


I had no space

For the ink had already,


burnt my page.

Raging through a hurricane
and swirling in the deep,

my ship has lost sight of land

I am pulled out to the sea  



No peace can be found unless
One surrenders to the depths below,


Oh blissful eternity,



I have let go of the oars.

Upon a sunny beach I walked
Particles of grain, sands of thought
I felt the day draw me in
And as I took a breath,
the sea drank the world's din.

I stand here, opaque
and yet the distance grows bold.
I know I'll become transparent
and our memories will grow old.

As I watch from the glorious past,
this uncertain future, unfold.

Soft.
Luscious.
Spicy.
Different.

A sweet bitterness,
Crusty layer wrapped in a bun
My darling...

You are like cinnamon.

In this life I only saw emptiness

Such emptiness that swallowed



Me. Whole.


Even when I looked into a void

It resounded with the truth, behold!


Life cannot imitate the void,

For it is emptier as it unfolds.

my only wish was to see you,
to let you within the reach of my dreams
that realm between limbo and heaven
a nether world, where gravity is in reverse

As I grasp you hands once more
You leave me with dread
and I run flailing onto
the remains of a shadowy curse

I am left feeling
that it was too big of a wish
to ask of the universe.

In a heady perfume of pheromones
Blood flows out in quick streams
This body is hot ember
I am stressed.

The flowers bloom again.
we are but only,
growing apart.

i'm standing by the bar
like a light, you're beaming
i find my phone to check
as though concealing
the excitement i feel
and the thrill of the chase
running through my mind
chasing through the maze
of a meeting perchance,
thoughts, feelings and other plays
we're talking, you smile
are you deceiving
the true woman inside,
the romantic seeking
and yet I push the thoughts,
aside, sealing
the thoughts that I am Cinderella
at midnight, you're my prince, kneeling.

You are vile, cruel to women and callous,
This is not my country...this is not my home.


Your men fight battles over themselves
Cowards who wag tails for authority
and are not ashamed to beat up the weak
This is not my country...this is not my home

You who have silenced so many
On the topic of ****, ****** harassment and other crimes

You who have given me no choice as a woman
but to cleave my way through your vile judgments

Your insolence is all I can see, and I don't wish to return

I don't wish to be loyal to one who cannot hold any respect


For me or my fellow women


this is not my country.


this is not my home.

You must see those fires that burn so close
And yet they seem to echo their glow to the skies
I know you're afraid of how much you've lost already,
and I blame it on a pair of evil eyes.

Beautiful Cape Town, I mourn for you today

You were my haven to come back to
and a place I once called home.

I know I don't live there anymore,

but if I could, I would help everyone too.

Those fires still burn now, and it's hunger not satiated



Hear my prayer God of fire, pity their lives
Please don't destroy the town,
I once called home.

stuffed up
ruffed up
muffed up
rough enough
this cold, it never goes.

I'll wait until I see you again
I'll call you name, as it echoes
In the depths of my soul
You were my perfect everything
Not completely perfect,
But close enough, nonetheless.

Horror binds my body in place
I'm struck by the height of your ignorance
Facing the hateful comments from a race
That uses religion as it's weapon.

Help me cleanse myself of this
Of evil thoughts of destroying them too
For I will not take their place.
I wont become you.

I wont spend sleepless nights
venting my frustrations on the innocent
Poisoning my ideals and my future
With fools who have no aspiration

i wont bow down to your demands
And i wont speak to you either
For your brain doesn't have the capacity
to understand this: society is evil.

Keep my body as an example
Of a girl who dared to try,
Who stood up for true morals,
And fought for what was right.

you are a fire,
and I, a small flame,
darling, it's your passion
that puts me to shame.

Illusions of friendships
They toy with my mind
They say I'm insane
Do they know who I am inside?

I'm reeling from pain
My brain hurts to think
I can't do it anymore
And I can't stay still

I'm shaking with rage,
Pain and anger all combined
I need to restart this life
But then I'd have to **** myself

I understand now my friend
How lonely you felt then
When no one really cared
Or pretended to see this

I rage against this world
So callous and unconcerned
So deeply wounded upon itself

Until I see something that shakes you
Like the way it shakes me to my core
Until I see you reel from the intensity
This heartfelt burst of emotion

Until you see that you need to care
Because we're all a little short of love,
I'll burn and rise time and again
and I'll curse you to burn with me too.

This pride will be selfish
Until it is burnt to ashes,
And thoroughly washed away
By the tears of pouring rain.

Nothing on the outside
You cannot hide
From the light within

From a well of war, blood and thirst,
I, upon an iron cross have been cursed.


This land is parched of freedom, it's full of debt,
I find death my only best bet.

Bandaged upon the table, it's bedrest,
I bet another bullet in my head would be best.


Darkness closes in and around,
I know not until another body is found.


Jagged shrapnel cuts into my heart,
The war never ends, I am torn apart.


My love, my life has been ripped away,
The silence closes in, tis' but another day.


Faces of dead people upon my windowsill,
Fires of hell have looked nicer still.

Swirling notes of earl grey and red
Tinkering bells of vermillion
Voiceless silhouettes of sea green
Silky fountains of chromium
Shining chimes of turquoise
Swirling thoughts of silver
Roars of violet
Shivers of peach
Footsteps of twilight
Shouts of mango
Kisses of the sun.

Your smiles tear me apart
You know I don't have a heart
So far removed from sanity
I've got nothing left within me.

So do me a favour

Forget me.

Forget we ever shared kisses
On that sunlit hammock
Between sighs of passion
You whispered "I had to have you"

The moment, and in that moment
I lost and yet found you
You joked that I would leave
A trail of broken hearts, around the world

In my fernweh, in this restlessness
Your memories linger like smoke
But so do those broken hearts
I fear that you're right about this.

So, forget me.

I speak from my heart, and the heart speaks true
But my soul that rejoices at your voice, at you
And I see upon your smile, a million memories stored in it
A million words, a million kisses
Is  it enough? no, not yet...
But I wish this distance to disappear
Let down your defenses, come near.

And as you do, you will hear the beat
Of a heart longing to move and dance with it's feet
And in the whirl of chaos and music inside
It prides upon saying, finally..."You're mine"