You think you're the victim,.
Such a fantasy, please make a schism,.
Match by match,.
You found a way to detach,.
Drip by vapory drip,.
The gasoline that drops from your lip,.
As you speak your words for hire,.
Your volatile saliva splashes onto the pyre,.
Where you tied me down when four words were shared,.
This seems to be the only way to show you care,.
I plea to you, I question you why,.
Do you feel the necessity to let us die,.
You tell me to be patient as my soul burns,.
Preparing a feast out of me for the worms,.
Every excuse you can make,.
For me to bleed fire on the stake..,.,.,

I was dried up,.
My mind was blown,.
By a situation I had no control,.
Why can't people meet halfway,?
Why is trust such an issue,?
Why must we throw everything away,?
See it my way for once,.
Feel the pain I feel,.
I too can be victimized,.
It is not something I take lightly,.
Your situation, your safety,.
But when you told me you trusted me,.
I believed you,.
I opened up to you and held nothing back,.
Now why do we have to be so slack,.
Why do we have to sit here in agony,.
When all you had to is meet me halfway,.
And see what my mind sees,..,.,.,.,

Souls burning,.
Hot embers remain,.
In the long awaited triumph of our nightmares,.
The solitude of our lives dressed in black,.
A concubine that holds the spark,.
I look at the sparks arising from the abyss,.
Where the pyres of our souls lights up the night,.
Stars shudder from such a sight,.
We are all set to fail,.
If we continue to exhale.,.,

I remember the bed I laid beside you in,.
You slept like an angel on a cloud,.
I lie awake, restless and enthralled,.
Your beauty and love I can't afford to miss,.
Every sleeping moment is a moment without you,.
Now irony grasps me and I only see you in my dreams,.
Tracing your cheeks with my fingers,.
Etching memories into my mind,.
In case you choose to leave me behind,.
Soon the sun will rise and we must impart graces,.
Until we embrace again,.
or I could **** it all up,.
Tear the bed into shreds,.
And lie in the aftermath,.
Tears and fear stream the contours of your beautiful woeful face,.
Embed themselves onto your dimples,.
When history repeats itself and remains true,.
To break the cycle is paramount,.
The apex of my life,.
Let me get it right,.
Ill stay awake,.
When you go to sleep in the annals of the night,.,.,.,

She says there is no love,.
She manifests it into something vile,.
I scratch my head until it bleeds,.
Wonder why she cannot see,.
What it means to burn,.
When the sun no longer shines in the heart,.
And a mellow feeling subsides,.
Just remember the feelings of high tide,.
Remember the loss of the sands,.
The fate is in her hands,.
If there was only one thing she can do,.
Is to believe that my love is true,.
When she thinks about something and ponders too long,.
She might as well just pack and leave it all alone,.
She looks for hints that do not exist,.
She looks for syntax and errors,.
Tunes them into binary that breaks the hard drive,.
Hell, m'lady, I am only trying,.
If she pulls back her eyelids and sees the love, she will smile,.
Like she did when we first met,.
When the four letter word was not so tasteless,.
When the times we shared were not bitter and hopeless.,.,.,,

Is there a time of day,.
That pain is relative,.
To the sun rays that beam down in waves,.
As it sets in the corner of the globe,.
That we can only dream to know,.
Will the animals ponder our plight,.
As we make them suffer with our hands painted red,.
Will they have empathy to our mothers,.
That gave birth to us in the dead of night,.
A sound is heard in our breaths,.
It hints at something is impossible to obtain,.
A beacon of hope travelling billions of light years,.
Will you be there catch it in your eye,.
Or will it pass you by,.
Going past you as you stare into the sky,.
Where is the pain when it is needed,.
Where is the smile when we feel it,.
Is there hope for us when we are indebted,.
To the hands that feed us scraps from their crooked tables,.
Will society continue to shape us,.
Into convoluted idiots with narrow minds,.
While we beckon for freedom,.
All the answers we here from all sides are lies,.
The sun will rise hopefully once more,.
And in this night, we can smile, cry,.
Begin to finally release our spirits from our blackened cores,..,.,.

I plucked stars from the sky,.
To put them in your eye,.
So the fusion I saw in them would ignite in your heart,.
Yet you never attempt to rip the atoms apart,.
It felt like the ****** was leaving system,.
The day I got clean nearly four years ago,.
This is nothing I wish to explore again,.
I learned more from you than any ******* article in a magazine could preach,.
Where was the day that you said would come,?
That's right, you threw it in the streets,.
To be ran over by the tram that slid by your house,.
When the night was long; stars shining like suns,.
That night I told you about yourself,.
I think healed all of my needle marks and scars.,.,.,

Devour the mindset of truth
Wonder in deserts of lies
Cast arrows into loved ones eyes
Frothing in anguish
You know not how far the torment goes
Smile upon the skin of the burned
Take heed to the silence it borrows
As you walk along the backs of the dead
When nothing is left but shrunken heads
You have but two choices to choose from
Accept your own shortcoming fate
Or kiss the mouth of truth before it is too late

Washing my hands in dirt,.
just a wonderer getting the clean off,.
feel too new to just walk through,.
Without being noticed,.
just a lost soul with a heart of gold,.
punished by the misgivings of suggestions on the billboards,.
how pretty we all must be,.
to live in this artificial world,.
pretentiousness is our God,.
On my hands and knees,.
I worship the land that was wasted,.
By the thoughts and misgivings of man,.
I worship the trees that breathe for our sake,.
Just for us to turn our backs; destroy and take,.
If there was a way to reverse our mistakes,.
I would still wash my hands in the soil,.
Maybe to see a sapling sprout and make it worth while of all our struggles.,,.,.,

Once i wrote words from my heart,.
Now I write them from a different part,.
A darkened crevasse in my mind,.
For all the others were out shined,.
By your glaring impotence of understanding,.
It is the shovel you use to dig a hole where we once standing,.
The future I hoped for is rapidly fading,.
The happiness I believed it would buy is evading,.
Like a lonely inept rat,.
Being devoured by the cheshire cat,.
There is no longer a need for me to cry,.
Keep poking me with your pity stick in my eye,.
I'll save my tears for something worth dying for,.
I'll use them for happiness when someone welcomes me through their gracious mahogany door.,..,

This had to end at some point,.  
Pointed ends of poinsettias,.  
Being eaten by a cat,.  
That has lost his way in some horrible nightmare before christmas,.  
I wanted this to happen more than anything,.  
Now i sit and smile with a ****** up knowledge,.  
That it was all some game,.  
Training me like a lion in a circus,.  
That ate the poinsettias when he was freed,.  
Leave me be,.  
I need to be mentally free,.  
I turned into a monster over you,.  
I sacrificed my sobriety and mental well-being over you,.  
And you laugh on comments,.  
And stab me with your impotence,.  
Of love and understanding,.
Misleading me like a pack of wolves,.
Running off a cliff,.
Into your self-made ignorant bliss..,.,.,

I am undeserving of the opportunities,.
That I am given but never honestly pursue,.
I am an unacquainted gentlemen,.
That hides in the shadows and tombs,.
I am a ******* seed that seeped into the septum of her heart,.
A crucible that is used as God's comedy prop,.
I stand in the doorways of lovers,.
Who never seem to get past my faults,.
I never change, I never get what I want,.
When I am left behind again,
There is nothing there but the rain,.
And the lightning that scorches hearts,.
Perhaps one day, my life will make sense,.
Perhaps one day,.
I will find the one who keeps me going,.
And makes me feel worth saving,.
In the darkness that belongs to me,./.,.,.,.

There is one thing inside me,.
Feel the creative nature of this disease,.

It is all that resides inside,.
Keeping my spirit entangled in a wolf's hide,.

There was something I saw in you the other day,.
What it was, I cannot remember, I cannot say,.

But it faded with the morning star,.
Where you were standing looking at your scar,.

In the darkest of night I erected a kingdom,.
I thought it would allow us freedom,.

Yet deep inside a virus molds onto our spines,.
We look for a cure, yet there is nothing to find.,

If there was a way to correct all of this,.
I would just prefer to stay in ignorant bliss.,.,.,.,.,.,.,

Anger froths from my mouth,.
Boiling onto your skin,.
Depression conjures emotion,.
Projecting from hallow eyes,.
Intruding into my soul,.
I cannot let go,.
Smiles evoke a feeling of safety,.
A fallback security feature,.
Laughter grows as the day passes on,.
Carrying on until we finally embrace,.
As for now, the vision is totally obscure,.,.,.,,

Eradicate the reactor,.  
Twist it it out of me,.  
Look in my eyes as you do it,.  
Make me know it is you,.  
Your eyes spark like fierce shorts in my neurons,.  
Collapsing me into this hole,.  
If you just remove this from my heart,.  
Take it and throw it to the hordes that surround my home,.  
Their anger will be satisfied,.  
Fed like triumphant lions on the Savannah,.  
For they they know you are the handler,.  
If their tongue felt the blood,.
They will go away, you would finally go away,.  
For it is the horde you created,.  
Not to be satisfied until the happiness you created dies,.  
The one you created just to annihilate,.  
And leave me with a meltdown,.  
Poisoning with radiation for miles around,.  
The mutant ******* horde grows hungry, as you grow lonely,.
It needs to be fed much like you do,.
For it was created in the likeness of you,.,.,.,.,

When there is nothing to fear,.
That is when you need to hide,.
Evade the tug of the rip tide,.
You see me reach my hand for you,.
As you slipped away from the shoreline,.
You smiled and told me you would be okay,.
That was the most fateful day,.
Where you washed up laughing in his arms,.
Where the sun bathed your injustice,.
A ******* of such great rays,.
That shined on what was supposed to be a beautiful day,.
You told me we would never die,.
But now I see your tongue split with lies,.
I felt the heavy tug on my heart,.
Another riptide in this inglorious trip,.
When I see you again,.
I hope to look away and smile at the one that truly cares,.
And I hope your mouth falls out while you stare.,.,.,

Everything is falling apart,.
A crumbling heart,.
Held together by plaster decaying from the rain,.
The fear and the pain,.
Is consistent with death,.
A lifeless, last breath,.
That we took when we held hands,.
In the ill forgotten lands,.
That were foraged by giants,.
Holding onto the nothingness of their clients,.
The fall of them is astounding,.
The emotions I feel are crippling,.
When all is going well,.
Is when the other half wants to empty the wishing well,.,.,

With a pen as weapon I'm free,.
To entangle minds with ability,.
To freely excite words,.
To freely extrapolate this herd,..,.,.,

His heart not ready,.
Blotted by the coals of naivety,.
Her pale wings beat anachronistically,.
Blotting out the splintered sun,.
She smiled upon him,.
She penetrated his tainted soul,.
How could such beauty come,.
From under the graciously blinding sun..,?

Where is she,.
I look for her flying behind airplanes,.
I look for her to be lying in the reeds,.
By the ancient lake where we met,.
She caresses my soul like I am a wounded pet,.
I find solace in her flaws,.
Her imperfections make her shine,.
She is afraid I will destroy her,.
Like so many have done,.
The lies she has been told makes her hide,.
Behind the tress, away from the moonlight,.
Where her voice trembles softly,.
As she whispers, "I am over here",..

Feelings tantamount to withdrawal,.
Trickling like lava,.
Onto my skin,.
I look within,.
And see the pain,.
That planned my mind,.
To wonder like a vagabond,.
Through the streets of desire,.
Wishing that before I find her,.
My hope will not expire,..,.

There was a girl,.
Who's tears flooded a warped floor,.
Of a tragic shack built by trauma,.
She erased herself as she stepped through it's door,.
Placed there by dead dreams and meaningless words,.
She plead on broken knees,.
Waiting for someone to hear her pleas,.
Because this house is not her home,.
Yet paralyzed by fear, she seeks not to roam,.

Yet she seeks peace,.
She seeks a release,.
She is stronger than she knows,.

Then along came a stubborn soldier,.
Together they erected a furnace,.
That stands on a promise,.
But when the fire gets bright,.
It seems to inspire a blight,.

He seeks her redemption,.
He seeks her to be free of attrition,.

Now is her time to fight,.
Now is her time to throw light,.

Onto this tainted house.,
And dry her beautiful tears.,.,.,.,.,.,

She bleeds the fire from her eyes,.
She plucks the stars from her lonely skies,.
Places them in pockets of her soul,.
Forever longing to fill the rust lined holes,.
This systematic destruction of her esteem,.
The end result of the liars' horrible dream,.
She believes her path is lined with coals,.
Burning their mark between her toes,.
Replacements for the stars she takes away,.
That lose their glory the next day,.
Forever seeking out a happy future,.
Ironically pulling out her beautiful sutures,.
Bleeding upon the liars' harvest floor,.
With nothing but hatred and their seed, they return for more,.
She smiles and says it is okay,.
When the one she loves wants her to stay,.
He throws the stars back into the sky,.
As she walks toward the men that lie,.
Once again she will try to believe,.
That she is is all right,.
That these men that take her as a sacrifice,.
And leave her in the bed,.
Sobbing while she looks to the sky,.
And takes down the stars that fill her eyes,...,.,

When does it end,?
I wish it would end,.
I want it to all disappear,.
In a supernova,.
A gamma ray burst gone astray,.
Catapulting it's hate,.
There will be no more pain to regulate,.
Why do we suffer still,?
Throwing dead rodents from the window sill,.
When will we realize we are unfit for this life,.
That they laid for us,?
It is time to take it back,.
It is time to go on the attack.,.,.,

I try so hard,.
To erase, to discard,.
This feeling of incredible angst,.
Long awaited trials that are never tried,.
Twisted rivers of your lips leaving me tongue tied,.
Everything I do seems to pertain to you,.
All I see, even in the brightest of day, or the darkest of nights,.
I see you standing there with questionable invite,.
Please, I beg of you,.
To just begin to see this through,...,,

I have nothing to write,.
My mind has become liver mush,.
Eaten by some fat man in Russia,.
I have to say that it was more ******* than anything,.
To have gone what I went through,.
Being treated like a pet,.
Stuck in the closet only to be petted when wanted,.
Never on my own time was i accepted,.
Now I just wait for something like a treat,.
But my mind is blown,.
Scattered inside my cranium,.
Like the 1980s drug propaganda commercial,.
Let the Russian man have his fun,.
I have no idea what any of this **** I wrote means,.
I am just pressing my fingers onto the keys,.
Waiting for the leash to be let of me,.
So I can go to the kremlin,.
Take pictures and make sense of what the fat man sees,..,.

Don't patronize me with your *******,.
If I was so good then stay,.
Yet you say something more is at stake,.
You fed me too much, then made me puke it up,.
You ran like they all do,.
Into the ocean, into the riptides,.
I took your hand and pulled you to,.
And you ran back in,.
Like some deranged drug addict,.
You must have been high when you said you cared,.
When you crashed all those mornings after, there was nothing there..,.,

I spoke unfairly,.
As I slipped into insanity,.

My emotions are not capable of truth,.
I am but a pathetic youth,.

A naive young mind,.
That cries at the worst of times,.

I see you crying,.
Because I am the one lying.,

After all you have done,.
I destroyed the beauty of a gracious sun,.,.,.,

I am forever grateful,..........

Rusted catacombs move my skin,.
Crawling like fleas on a rabid dog,.
Cobwebs stretch from wall to wall,.
***** traps and nothingness all intertwined,.

A perfect place to preserve her darkness,.
Her evil is her gravity that draws me in,.
I seek the magic that holds her eyes in place,.
When she looks at the sun dial that shows nothing,.

Her beauty is her darkness,.
She is a survivor of the sins of others,.
She is the strength that holds the fabric of night together,....,,.

Split, torn,.
The colors blind me,.
I have lost my way,.
The universe folds unto me,.
The burdening weight of my fate,.
Novas and wormholes,.
Strip me naked,.
I stand before you reborn,.
A lamb,.,.,.,

If you were near,.
Would there be as much fear,?
  
If I could get into an Uber and see you tomorrow,.
Would you be mine to follow,?
  
If the fabric of Einstein's space could fold,.
Would I be there for you to hold,.
  
If the very ground between us impacted like nature's fists, tectonic plates,.
Would we be able to find a place,.
  
To lie on a grassy knoll, staring at the stars,.
And wonder how we got this far,.
  
To take a chance is to risk it all,.
Yet there never would be anything,  
if everyone was crippled by fear of fall.,.,.

To give up on love,.
Is to give up on the world,.
The wishes and desires for peace,.
The vanishing of happiness is tantamount to fire,.
Burning through cars and hospitals,.
With children crying inside,.
Love is tough, it is almost impossible,.
But with an honest heart,.
Integrity and honest intentions,.
Mistakes can be reversed,.
And a broken heart can become mended,.
Sapphire eyes I miss,.
My ulver I will always love,.
She is my everything,.
I wait for her to return,.
Because I love her, and I had to let her go,.,.,.,

Why don't you want to be held in a light,?
Standing in velvet with sapphires so bright,.
Why must we bury the sunlight,?
Why must we dance in the night,.
With no hope in sight,.
To ever seeing the end of the blight,.
Why do you hide in such fright,?
When will you sit in an Hawaiian park and fly a kite,?
I understand your plight,.
I truly have empathy and insight,.
But why must you let the world fuel your fear of heights,?
And let someone love you for who you are,...,?

One day my friend,.
We will remember how it all began,.
Until then,.
I have your back,.
True friends rely on one another,.
To get through the worst of times,.
Even if we were the ones who created it,...,,.,

Take time to believe in yourself,.    
Never douse the flames and allow them to die,.    
When the cold makes you cry,.  
When you tell yourself you are nothing but a waste of time,.  
Hold your head up, know your worth,.  
Know that how you feel is not your fault,.  
The evil that has shaped your mind,.  
Needs to begin to be destroyed and left behind,.  
Like the worthless ***** they were,.  
When you deserved so much more,.  
    
Now we both have inadvertently obtained what we were seeking,.    
Some enigma you see as lies,.  
Something too good,.  
LOVE,.  
I only see them as truths and relevance,.    
When we finally can begin to dance,.    
When you can tell yourself you are worth the chance.,..,.,.,
YOU ARE WORTH THE WORLD,,....,.,.,
YOU ARE THE FIRE IN THE EYES OF DARKNESS..,.,.,.

My wings clipped,.
My body trembles on the cold ground,.

Incapable of flight,.
My willpower left me so long ago,.

My mind races to death,.
The hands that clipped me the only things left,.

They set me free when I lost control,.
By the grace of the cold spirits, I am found,.

On the frozen ground a serpent slithers toward me,.
Finding warmth in my escaping intensity..,,.,.,

A peculiar light brightens my eye,.
Twinkle forming in time,
With words structured elegantly in my mind,.
Arranged to nullify romantic crimes,.

In one ironic instant you stole it,.
My eyes violently shattered,.
My mind's levee corrupted,.
This once beautiful home is but a house floating on our vulnerable river,....,,..,

There was a word spoken in the present tense,.
It spread into the future, it impacted the instance,.
Now it spreads like wildfire smiling in the wake of its grim decay,.
A mockery of what could be here today,.
It needs to be lead away,.
Out of the this inept night,.
Into the relief of the lantern's light,..,,.,.,

I need...to find...
A way...to leave it all behind....
Release me...
take the knife out...
Spill my blood onto your floor,.
so i can beg for more..,,.,

Will we ever learn,.
To put aside differences,.
or will we stay persistent with hate,.?