Like an old friend inviting you to come inside.
Familiar. Comforting.
It will grasp you in its arms and hold you close;
And when you're ready to leave, it wont let you go.
You will beg and plead to be happy,
and it will put up a fight.
It will make you think that the only way to escape it is to take your own life.
If you are lucky, you can break free;
and it will sit and watch you from afar.
Calling your name.
Welcoming you back into it's arms.
It will intrude your thoughts.
Make you think you are worthless.
That you're better off dead.
Just keep telling yourself that it's all in your head.
Keep moving. You will get far.
Depression is not who you are.

It arrives,
Unnoticed, unannounced.

Quiet,
At first.

Slow,
Seeping, dripping.

I put it down to a few stressful weeks.
I carry on.

It unpacks,
Worries, anxieties.

Gently,
For now,

Tiptoes,
Whispers, creaks.

‘It will leave soon’ I think ‘It always does.’
I keep going.

It settles in,
Getting comfortable.

Getting louder,
And louder.

Banging thoughts,
Insomnia.

‘Please don’t be happening again’.
I shuffle along my daily routine.

Claws in,
Insidious.

Screaming,
24/7.

Shame, worthlessness,
Hurt.

‘Please go away’.
I’m barely coping.

Growing roots,
Into my brain and heart.

Blossoming pain,
With every beat.

Emptiness, loneliness,
Abandonment.

Silence, Stillness,
‘I can’t move, I can’t cope.’

Do you ever sit and think of me,
how our “love” was so tragic,
how our “love” should have never happened?
Do you ever get flashbacks?
Do you ever wish you could take some things back?
Do you ever regret the abuse?
Do you even have anything to say to what you’ve been accused?
None of this bothers you?
Do you remember the hate you used to spew?
I guess it doesn’t affect you because you don’t have my point of view.
Well let me give you some clarity,
you laid down the abuse with such intensity.
Nothing you did had any integrity,
You treated me like a stranger,
but to the verbal abuse you we had familiarity.
Lying on the floor dead didn’t seem to move you,
you lacked any empathy.
Do you ever wonder why you degraded me,
why you hated me,
why you messed with my head,
why you messed with my heart,
why you sought to destroy me from the very start?
As much as it pains me to say it,
I loved you.
But your “love” was killing me,
I begged you to stop hurting me,
but on deaf ears fell my plea.

Cuts on my wrists
hands curled into fists
will i even be missed

Writing a note
i wrote
i love you and it wasn't your fault

That's a lie
i want to die and
its partly your fault

I can't tell you that so i
Sit and i cry

Why do i
Live like this

Will i even be missed