I’m scared because my mind rages against me

I hear the motor ignite with a vengeance.

Hurling towards me.

I’m on the sidewalk. I reason.

Each roar forces me to close my eyes.

I am afraid.

Of a car that will never crash against me.

Slowly I am becoming
the woman with the same name.
The one who is sung to endlessly
in different melodies and languages.
Loved passionately and missed dearly.

I see your eyes flicker as droplets on our skins dance to the ground.
Your smile widens as the water clicks the cement our heels tread on.
For a moment I am suspended in your love.
My soul expands to the sky, the earth, and the water in between.
Perhaps April will be my favorite moment between us.

I am a slave to change.
Eager to finish self construction.
The cobs of familiarity tighten
As I long to breathe fresh air.
Nervousness invites itself.
What part of me will die, transform?
And which part of me will hunger and be born?

Mom.

I miss your strength.

You were the rock
unbudged against my raging seas.

You were the water
that quenched my fire before I could burn.

Endlessly you gave yourself to me.

Becoming the sun when I had none.

In times like these
I call such strength
to be born inside me.

There were days
I remembered
To put my heart on my sleeve.

The other days
I hid it
So deep inside my body
I couldn’t find it for myself.

The terror of anyone finding
Me judging me
Seemed to linger in the air
I inhaled.