But I could not pray even for a moment
  my heart is sterile and barren
  there would be the worst insidious lies
  in every word that's to be spoken--

unfit am I on this wide and open earth
how could I aspire for heaven?
the golden rules of good living
every single one I have knowingly broken.

there are tears stinging her eyelid,
so many emotions are whirling round and round,
and her heart clenches as she looks ahead.

but when she looks into her future,
she sees nothing,
and she wonders.

for if she deserves one,
as someone so silent,
who cannot seem to find her voice.

and she ponders,
if she has the will power to influence,
or whether she will fall apart.

My God,
are you here, inside my heart?
or above me putting my tears in a jar?
are you in the sunlight
reminding me to smile at such a sight?
did you knit me together so tightly
I cannot fall apart?
because when I think I might
I simply land in your arms
your quiet voice is my sweet perfume
only your face I wish I knew
you have made me once
and you're making me anew
you are the strangest love
and my only truth

there are so many of you
that i would love to sit down with;
maybe over a milkshake and a plate of fries;
and just talk.
i want to ask you about the boy that hurt you,
about the anger you feel deep inside
over a father who said he’d come back...
and then didn’t.
i want to run with you through pages of words and say
“oh that’s right, what a lovely metaphor.”
i want to see all your smiling faces and
thank each and every one of you for showing me kindness,
for saving my life.
i want to collaborate on novels of poetry
and laugh with you through the tears of our pasts.
so until we sip those milkshakes and eat those fries...
thank you, to
some of the most beautiful people i have never met.