Sometimes I can't stand it
I lie here beside you
Puddle of pain and fear
And you're like the lighthouse guiding me to safety

I didn't ask to be saved
And I don't want you to save me

I wish I was healthy enough to save myself
I wish I was more than this
And I wish more than anything I could be something to you

But i'll cry into my pillow again
And count the days till I'm home
Maybe just maybe I'll silently wish I was dead

Sorry I won't let you save me
Because I know what it takes
Driving into cold water after a corpse
And I do it because I love you
As hard as that is to explain
I wont let you jump in the water just because I'm sinking
because then I'd be the reason you got wet

Wrapped tight in a grey blanket
Staring for what feels like hours
Dead inside
And the soft fabric slowly sleeps as minutes pass
Until it sits around my waist
I stand up to readjust
The only movement in hours
The blanket falls from the chair
A puddle of sadness on the floor
I scoop it up and let it hug around me one more
Returning to my staring it does it once more
My grey puddle of sadness on the floor

I remember a time when I loved you
When you were my world
When you were all I loved
I remember your kisses and hugs
I remember the way you said my name
And the way you walked away
I remember the tears I wept
And the pain I felt
The emptiness you left me in
Cold words and colder eyes
They just don't suit you
Or at least the boy I used to know

Looking back
When you said those words they held some weight
And I laughed it off at the time
But I went back to my bed that night
And my mind began to race
I know you've painted a target on my back
If I was more oblivious to people like you I would not have seen it
But it's bright red like blood
And rather noticeable

I should have known better
Every laugh and smile comes with a price
And it's never cheap
So when you said those words
All I heard was the price

I will not pay your ransom
I am not interested in those words
And while you were technically correct
You were also very wrong
So believe me when I say this
If you ever feel so bold as to use those words on me again
I'll make you eat them