Ten seconds was plenty of
time for me
to change my mind.
The people I love today
who never knew then
feel the relieving emotion
of how I chose
to stay.
I lost my love,
I got pushed and stripped
of my control.
I grew very strong
I wrote out my heart.
I may have sobbed,
I may have thrown,
I may have sacrificed nourishment
and looked away.
It was time to open new doors
and let some in.
Certain possibilities revoked,
amending for easier ways to remain.
The scissors are now in the trash.
Others found their deserved love.
Moved on from the
threatening gang.
When we all let go,
we know it was not meant to be.
Happy memories
are not to present
what is no longer deserved,
but to put us back in our
best moments.
These moments I remember,
looking into people's eyes.
They fill with tears
after knowing I could have been
gone.
There would be no community of
laughter and love.
Nobody would have ever met
if I hadn't stayed.
Somehow I was stopped,
doesn't matter who or how.
You all made me happy
I stayed.

And therefore,
dreams never come true.
Never the slightest chance
we would laugh together.
Admonishing, threats, and loss.
It didn't have to be
while the clock was ticking.
Nothing meaningful outside
these rude clans.
Only would we cut our teeth as we spoke.
Never knew
bigots
would be able to rule.
And therefore this opportunity was nothing of what
I dreamed of.

It takes a brave being to
walk a bridge and get over it.
They still think as they pace the wood.
Don't jump off.
Let go of the burden not your life.
Things will get better.
Decency isn't too rare.
Letting go is never too late.
We all do it sometime in our lives
relative to the necessities of work and
exercise.
Ignore the iron gates at the sides of the bridge.
They hold us in like our imagination.
Just walk forward,
and be steps away from the bothersome
encounters of the past.
Don't look back.

Today the ocean lost its blue texture.
It appears today gray and
shimmering.
For the sky itself is in control
and the sun can only work so hard to push its way through
the stubborn clouds
and to be seen and needed.
Though rarely wanted.
Desire of a lonely human
to stand still in the moving current
and get covered and possessed by
Poseidon's wave.
Than a cloud to pour out buckets of rain
for display of pure beauty
to be destroyed.
Nature acts up
as a mother who slaps her child.
She, like the sun, cannot push any longer.
Or the young man overpowered with
want, lust, and brutal obsession,
to control the innocent girl he loves.
Ruining a beautiful relationship
like the clouds overbearing the natural beauty.
The child walking by another one
alike at the park
holding in one hand a brown paper bag
scrunched at the top
filled with chocolates and a lollipop.
Notices the alike child crying.
The child crying
looks up
and out of nowhere sees that he is handed
a big, round, colorful lollipop.
That itself replicates the
action of the wave.
Poseidon taught us through the creatures in his sea
to be kind and be brave and strong.
Calls Apollo in the lonely sky
to assist his beautiful fiery sun
that deserves to appear before the world.
For our Gods to create, another wave
for those who must start over again.
For the Gods are to guide us,
and we,
to be human,
and learn from words,
and nature.
From the wave to the sun,
create,
and change,
the anger, hate, and brutality.
For us to learn and let go.
And be happy.

If I ever cross your mind,
make it a circle.
Think of me,
and write me down in the puzzle.
X's and O's,
I was the one you chose.
I'll apply lipstick and plant an X on your lips.
An O you can wrap your arms around my hips.
Just breathe and I will burry my head in your chest,
Feeling nothing but sugar and lemon zest.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
this is now all in my head and you left me, so
*******.

Look,
I wasn’t comfortable with who I was
either.
Listen,
I’m happy you found them but your becoming them
is shattering my heart.
Feel
the way I do one day because you will never be the one
to destroy a conversation because you said
something stupid.
I know you felt sorry for me but it was all insults
you had left to feed me.
I couldn’t believe the person you turned into.
You were at the start of the line driving for the first time
while I sat in the back after every tantrum.
Every tantrum was to get you to not only hear me,
but to like me the way I was.
Look,
you need to be ok with those of us who are not
putting money in the bank and who see counselors
in school.
Listen
to your heart and let it tell you to never put time nor effort into
jerks who don’t care about you.
When I saw you after a few years,
I was devastated as I felt your arrogance scrape my face
and turn it red and embarrassed.
I stayed behind after I was told with you
right there.
Since those days ended I became comfortable and you started
to like me.
I don’t want to trade places with you.
You live in a new country and I can be part of a gathering when I’m at home.
We changed and grew wise and sharp,
and I really do care
for you.

Before they decide they want to take it and go,
suicidal victims need to know:
Peers will be sad,
they will mourn.
They will move on,
you can't be reborn.
Think twice,
don't do.
We will find other ways
after what you put us through.
What you face will be done.
Put down the rope, the knife and the
gun.
Stay and learn,
we won't prepare an urn.
Let it all pass,
don't make us attend your mass.
Help you shall seek,
you are not weak.
Take the time to see you are strong.
There are no prayers with the power
to bring back those who are gone.
Death is not your choice.
Say what you need,
use your voice.
You are not here forever,
life does get better.

Our friendship lasted between you and me
a good, long time.
But of course we got on each others nerves.
And our emotions popped like balloons.
I said mine,
you said yours.
Since you were hurtful
my balloon was popped by your needle.
Yet,
I filled your locker with candy
because I wanted to make it up to you.
We used to share all the colorful, sugary treats.
We had a good, sweet time.
And you didn't like it
when I got sugar high.
Then like a child you would yell at me.
And be appalled like a grandparent.
Remember that I let you have the last air-head.
And your head really did explode.
This distance is great.
Watching you come back into my life
like a stomp rocket.
Stomping the presser
to watch the rocket go in the air
and come back down in peace.
But you come back to make me feel dissatisfaction.
As a friend, your job is to
cheer me up, and be honest but nice.
Now that I think of it,
balloons, candy, and stomp rockets are old and
out-dated.
Guess our friendship is too.
Bon voyage,
and sianara.
Hope to never see you again.
So like a stomp rocket,
don't bother coming back.

I persevere and push aside every stabbing
and chanting thought of seeing something I want
to keep die and be buried in the ground.
Us was one thing that died and the day you
said you couldn’t take it anymore,
my heart was cracking, but why
it didn’t break:
Optimism took over me and I
was right to give you the greif.
Happiness has overcome me and
so many fears that aired inside do not
exist so I am not polluted.
I don’t have to worry about you and
the sneaky and inconsiderate things
you did to me.
If you really loved me,
you would have bent over backwards
to see me.
You just kept me waiting and waiting,
and I let you go, but wanted to be sure
you were not going to come running
back to me.
Don’t.
I don’t want you as a lover anymore.
Friends, fine. I still like you for you,
and I do care for you.
Lovers, maybe not. This got too
complicated and demanding,
I was aggressive,
you were weak.
I’m happy and you better be too.
Now you are free to lay back and relax,
not talk to me, drop out of college,
quit your job, go to bed,
and don’t you dare pretend I am
next to you.
I’m not mad at you,
I am just not at all in desire to
love you like that again.
I let you go,
and I have more of a life itself
than an insular love life.
Hey, you gotta see it as more than
just two people.
Everyone should be
included
too.

They say every rose has it's thorn,
and every baby has it's mother.
They tell me that if the shoe fits, wear it,
and there are two sides to every story.

What if,
the rose makes my hands bleed,
what if the baby lost it's mother,
what if I don't like this shoe,
and what if the story is too hard to
hear?

I am full of grit but as everyone else,
I fear what I don't know.
What will it be like when we are
hours away, I'm here and you are
not?
This love has shaped me into a
better woman,
and has made me aware of how
beautiful and angelic I am.

We can do this together,
long distance,
and still in love.
As time goes and we get closer
to where priorities meet,
I just don't know how it will be.
It won't be easy,
but what is?

You reach out to me out of the blue.
I feel teary after hearing from you.
The sound of your voice
warms me inside.
Remembering how we stuck together
and how hard we tried.
Knowing now you are not gone
despite the fact I haven't seen you for so long.
The past was tough,
only you understood.
Since now you know
you had the heart to be good.
You will hear this
when we meet up again.
We may have stopped talking
but never stopped being
friends.

Remember that girl whom they would all fawn over,
Mistakes were nothing and prayers she received.
She had their back and knew every little answer to all problems so big.
She would bat her eyes and disallow tears.
She would keep her head up high and her shoulders rested.
They wondered why she walked so fast not a footprint to be left in the seeds and grass.
She had to get away.
Popularity was her biggest confusion.
Away she ran God forbid she would be alone.
She was.
She needed the time.
She was no god, nor did she wish to be idolized.
Everyone matters, she felt it in her heart.
As soon as the bad mood came and took its place, she ran, tripped, and cried on the concrete.
The crowd became paparazzi.
She didn't want to trend anymore.
Time was needed to deal but not heal what she couldn't.
They walked away.
That is all she
Ever
Wanted.

You know,
it’s just a game.
If I can’t learn
to hear screaming
over a loss and not
cover my ears,
I can’t play with you.

If you don’t want to
let me in without
clenching your fists
and gritting your teeth,
why ask me anyway?

If we can’t learn to
accept all our differences,
we can’t be in the same
game.
I lose, someone else wins,
I feel no sorrow,
you feel no sympathy.

Who is the winner anyway?
Since I have songs to play
and dreams to fulfill,
I would say the winner
is me.
Your loss, is a chance,
to have a friend who
cares deeply and shows
appreciation,
like me.

I am not your hero,
you are not my rock and roll.
I see your bodies turned away,
you see mine shake and twitch.
I never thought I would be the
loud one,
the oddball,
the ******,
the threat.
This is not the only piece I have
so far.
I wrote many while I was confused
and just praying I would last in
your lives.
I am sorry I ruined them,
and I’m sorry for myself for
coming off too strong too soon.
I was not an interesting subject changer,
I was an attention *****.
I was not the one who played the guitar,
I was the one who knew nothing.
I wasn’t just quiet,
I was the one who didn’t have a word to
say that didn’t make things awkward.
I never thought space was how you
would all respect me.
I see it as sad, and you see it as a gift.
I tried everything to get you to like me,
but I can only be who I am.
I never asked you to change for me,
and there I would sprint to find a tune
that would play the sadness for me.
It’s not about me,
this is how you let me be,
the free and flying bird.
I’ll go back to your nest
when you are ready to
love me the way I am
again.
The best thing I did for us
all was not until now,
to fly away.

Forget me,
I'm through with all of you.
Tricked me into thinking I
was loved and well
thought of.
I understand that what I dealt with
wasn't right for you.
I knew and saw
as time went on
I could not be in the back corner of the photographs
anymore.
I won't burn them
because either way these are memories.
How I can no longer remember
being the one everyone ignores
anymore.
So in a way,
I thank you for letting me go.
I cannot play it cool for you
anymore.

Is it ever enough to see the glitter in my eyes
when I'm right near the ones who took me in for once?
I might as well disqualify myself as this competition is too much of a dual.
We want to know who has the brain,
who has a warm heart, and who has the courage standing by great self esteem.
It's me, him, her, and all of us.
If we are sitting with fingers crossed and our shoulders raised to our necks,
why are we here in the first place?
To care and to give,
or to have and to hold?
Ambiguous is how I felt since two days ago.
My belt was right there but my thoughts were cooled down.
I'm living the life I wanted to, you are not there but you are not missing.
I wait for no kindness and I tolerate no admonishing tone used for a prayer.
You pray I won't exist in your life, no need to ask God.
I hear you loud and clear.
When I am gone I hope that will make it
enough.
Don't worry about me,
You never took away my happiness,
you just don't have any yourself.
Mine is a threat to you,
your weakness is not my weapon,
you just let it be.
It's just never enough with you.
I'm not mad, I feel sorrow with no
guilt.
Learn.

I don’t want to hurt you,
but I have no choice.
You have a better life,
and a hearable voice.
You got it,
and I lost so much more.
I will speak my hostility once,
and pray our intimacy will be
the way it was
before.
It doesn’t work that way
yes I know.
Your being happy is just
screaming to me you have
pride and ego.
I’ll never have the plans and excitement
so I can never dare.
I hope for misery to happen to you someday
and that will get you to put it down
look at me,
and say you
care.
I know you do but you have more
on your mind than I do in
my own.
Let me ask you this,
when is the last time
you were left
grieving and alone?
You’ll find me at
home,
I will never be well
known.

Feeling your face pressed to my shoulder and hearing you breathe as you teared,
I held you close, you held me too,
never did I want to let go of the moment,
or a perfect love like you.
You know my story, my secrets, my struggles.
You know I try, I fight, I continue when I don't win.
I know your story, your secrets, your struggles.
You try so hard, you fight til the end, what I learn from you makes me a better person.
Neither of us are perfect,
but we agree we are for one another.
Even when times are hard and the worst thought comes to mind,
I rest in your arms, you hold me close and tight,
and I think of how long I want to live with you
by my side.
I surrender the thoughts,
and hold on to
you.
I love you.<3

If there is a her
And if there is no other way.
Just leave it like that.
I can always act
Like I don't care anymore.
Wearing off like a raccoon claw
On my skin.
I wore my heart on my sleeve
Countless times for you to know.
Time went from
You being eager to then distant.
I know I was wrong.
So I'm gone.
I hope you're happy
Even if there is another her.
It's fine.

If the person you are phases to many,
think of it as quality and **** the
quantity.
Laughter is good for our muscles and
head.
Seriously “cool” people don’t want us to
be dead.
They want us to bump down as they bump
up to be complemented and fawned.
If God is never here then maybe it is
diversity where happiness lies upon.

To the woman proposed by a married man.
To a twelve year old boy not knowing why
he kicked a beer can.
To a sixteen year old girl who really needs
an older man.
To a father who can’t say yes to his daughter
he’ll always be her number one fan.

Stay dry, be wet and comfortable.
Laugh like the rain and be unstoppable.
Walk away, keep your head high to the sky.
Never wrong with spending a night in the summer
with some coffee and pumpkin pie.
Say what is real, just don’t make it about you.
Let others have their share, and watch dreams come true.

To the parent who gives nothing but complements.
To the girl who **** talks among other boys.
To the boy who **** talks among other girls.
To the family who gives each other the business.

Ok, there’s a limit.
Take your time but never for granted.
Tell the critics to take a break.
They may or may not have lives and that’s
no piece of cake.
Take the computer and turn it into your
guide.
Design graphics and games and let the players
show your pride.
Hear the piano, bass, drum, guitar,
write a song and tell the world
who you are.
Lace up the shoes and run in the rain.
Go as fast as you can and show your pain.

Lets make this clear,
there shall not be fear,
we are not out to get,
we just need to let.
Keep pushing through,
whether you’re in eight grade
or at a college that is new,
look back and know you grew,
but most of all,
you do you.

Don't care what I do or don't
Come off as
To
Anyone.

I'll never be
Blinded by
The
Brightest bulb
In the
Bunch.

Not even the
Sharpest knife
In the drawer
Can slice me.

I have a life,
It's just not
The way anyone else
Would live.

I'm proud,
Unashamed,
Secure,
And
Bulletproof.

Never should I have ignored the
barbaric ediquitt that was represented
at every dinner.
What a fool we were to hold you like
a baby and tell you you were wonderful
as you were.
How dare you take my sympathy and turn
it into your own spider web.
Do you not understand that I have the power
to rip the web apart and make it into dust?
Why won't you ever learn?

Candles are lit inside
then blown out by
I don't know what.
The breath that comes
Out of nowhere
and changes the light.
Darkness becomes everything.
Shown in my eyes with
blood shots and twitches.
Trying to breathe myself and
pictures in my mind are flipped through
as if there are photo albums in my cranium.
First is the picture of the kids who crowded me
at the playground and mocked me.
Second is the teacher who introduced my failed grade and others saw me as less.
The third picture is the most brutal;
All the boy said was we would go for a walk.
Turned into us alone in a stairwell,
He kissed me thousands of times on the lips
with no consent
at all.
I'm not going to let these pictures rule me I dont
care that they are worth a thousand words.
There will be no words once I light another candle and let the fury burn into ashes.
My eyes will watch birds fly and flowers bloom.
Your eyes can see me as a happy woman.
It's there somewhere.

Waking up is harder than it seems.
It's not the hourglass
it's not the dreams.

The thoughts are destroying my
calm.
Never again will I feel my feet
or keep a clean palm.

My hand trembles
it is now four going on five.
In the AM
reminding how I am alive.

Rather unfortunate
the red in my eyes.
Heart pounding faster
than a lover who lies.

A mother who dies,
then her daughter cries.
Knowing how slow
this everlasting night flies.

Going to bed is harder than
I want it to be.
Out of the time in the day missed
and living with
ANXIETY.

Like I said on the phone with you that very upsetting night.
We both saw a dark sky but you felt a cold chill in the air.
I may have been warm but I was nowhere near pleased with myself.
I behaved as a child in front of you due to your honesty that we shouldn't go further.
You were right despite my devastated heart.
It was all you who carried a genuine heart and you were a man.
A man who listens to one he cares for and has patience.
A man who tells a person who speaks of nothing but their life and problems to stop and say something positive.
You were a man who told me I should think better of myself.
Well,
I have tried.
And from then on and today I just don't know how to respond to men like you.
I knew you were too perfect for me, and thus you are the perfect example of what a man should be.
You respect so graciously and have fun in the best ways.
I could never forget you and your attempt to bring me into your life.
Though it didn't work out for us, and it was only one date, I dare say you were the best I ever had.
I don't love you, just remember you and hope you are doing well.
You did not break my heart. It was already broken.
That should have been my own red flag.
Going back to that night on the phone, something was missing in that apology.
Before I hung up, I should have told you something important.
I never really know how to respond to men who show interest in me.
I have a lot of baggage and thus it's embarrassing.
There are not many men who have stepped up to the plate and wanted me like that.
The others are pictures to burn, but you
are remembered in my mind.
I may not have kept in touch but I keep you in memory just love thinking of your smile as you used to gaze into my eyes.
Even if your eyes are in another her and she makes you smile everyday, you deserve to be happy.
I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.
That very upsetting night, we both agreed you were right.
Being in love
Was wrong.
And you pressed the red button
First.

I need you to stay.
One of us should not be the
breaking point.
I've had surrounding folks before,
but none of them were the right ones.
It's you,
and me,
Us,
We,
Love,
Drama,
Over.
The floor boards are cracking every time
you leave.
I don't want to throw away the candy wrappers.
Next time leave the wine here.
Never think we won't do this again.
I'll only suggest.

So there you were.
I had to get away from the kids who sat near me.
I asked to leave and they stared with ***** eyes.
I walked to the guidance office and came out holding back tears.
I limped down the hall,
And there you were.
We lied that the principle had to see me
And you
Took care
Of me.
That was so long ago.
We then fought over another someone who was a mutual friend.
She experienced worse than what I had way back.
And you choose her.
Sometimes things end on their own.
I don't fear independence I fear
This happens to everyone I
Befriend.

They say it is never too late to do the right thing.
Will it be awkward to reach out one last time?
It isn't fair if one is benefited
and one isn't.
Or is it?
What shall I do for the ones I let go by mistake?
Should those who have cut me out of the picture
be aware of my forgiveness?
I never know where to start.
It always occurs that they know
where to
end.
Is one in control of every relationship?
Who is really taking the picture?
Holding a camera
seeing how the image will appear.
The flash representing the moment.
The friendship photoshopped,
the antagonist cropped out by the
protagonist.
Who has the right to cut anyone out?
Where do these rights come from?
How do these images not burn for some?
Is it me
or
the camera.
What am I doing wrong?

I wonder why you're no longer nice to me,
But first I wonder why you feel inferior enough
to show how phasesd you are by your own troubles and sorrow.
And it's me you pick
to reply with vulgarity and stubborn attitude?
All I can say,
It's rather nice to be me, and I'll bet it
*****
to be
you ;).

Oh why, oh why
can't it still be right?
I work on finding the path all day
forget the night.
When I find it, I'll walk and leave footprints in order
to see.
I couldn't let it all go even though
it wasn't right for me.
It's over!
It's done!
My heart is a mess.
Both happy and broken,
this walk is a test.
The fork in the road that's coming near
will side either say come back or stay
clear.
I'm either long forgotten,
or just someone once known.
For now, I'll let it go,
but I'll have to do my part on my own.
I'm going to leave the path and walk back home.
It is dark and the moonlight has grown.
I'll need the night to prove it's right.
For now, just accept, don't make the time
a fight.

I walk over to our usual spot.

I sit down,

Silence.

I get up to get myself a drink.

I leave,

Chatter.

I can't put my finger on it
either.

Not even I can
put it to an
end.

They choose not to live a life
with me as a part
because I live with
something.

Somebody says something rude at the meal.

They look at one another,

Laughter.

I say a point of view at the meal.

They look at one another,

I'm left
Alone.

If you don't have my future and forever
have my past,
I'll never hunt you down,
never stay awake for a whole night when you're not sleeping next to me,
and I'll drive to where I'm only needed I won't circle around where I know you'll be.
Every moment I lived since you've been gone where I laughed so hard I cried and
I felt a rush talking to another someone,
I learned from you.
A bad note doesn't make a bad person though we may end and walk in opposite directions,
If you are walking with tears in your eyes and if you throw your phone and pout,
I'll pick it up for you.
When I hand it back, it will be more than a message.
It will be a sign for you
to know,
I'm not gone,
I'm still searching.
Never will I mind crossing paths where you happen to be.
We're humans not wanderers, and listeners not lovers.
I want to hear how you are and see what you look like now.
I hope you want the same, but if you don't,
I'm safe, happy, and healthy.
That is what matters to me right now., I hope you are the same as well.
Not of the loss, but of the lessons you and I
Learned.
Better things happen in life when we choose respect over
revenge.
I think our situation and time apart is worth it.

To act but to feel,
to want but to be hurt,
to remember so many happy times,
then the truth came along.
Go out and see the city lights,
holding hands despise the ***,
to be thankful of this gift of friends,
then everyone
is
dating.
Insecurity attacks,
I can't feel good about anything.
I want everything to be my way.
It never will,
I always thought I would find
someone perfect.
I thought it was him.
And then,
the truth came
along.

The dreams I have where enemies reside
are killed by the morning light and savored
in my frontal lobe.
I think how they could have hurt me the way
they did in the dream.
She put her arms all over me and she grasped
my neck I could not breathe at all.
He grabbed my hand and would not permit me
to be with my friends though I could sense the
relationship was over.
Waking up after seeing somebody I once was
abused by is hard to do,
but its harder for them to see I am awake and
ready
to let it all go
and live for real,
this time.

You know it's just a label.
Is it really meant to hurt?
Don't bother saying it,
You can just kick me in the dirt.

I lived a lie with you for so long the only way
I could express any truth would be
to humiliate myself.
Every day you would search and search until
you found the perfect reason to admonish me.
It was all because of who I
was.

Excuse me, Miss Princess,
I do not believe you are perfect.
Nobody grows by seeing everyone in
their low brow appearance.
How I told you looked beautiful though
you couldn’t bear to see your own self
in your own skin.

Though the advantages I take and
use to stand my guard will never
be anything you will ever work up to
nor will you accept yourself.
Don’t shame, just work.

Never let anyone’s appearance infuriate you.
Just call yourself beautiful.
I won’t do it again,
you’re just taking every hand reached down for you
to grab for granted.
Thus,
you suffer.
That is all
you ever
wanted
for me.