usually when i write a poem i take some time to think.
but putting words together to describe you comes naturally.
there arent enough words in any or every language that could capture what i've witnessed.
knowing you for a day has truly shown me what i've been missing.
i cant think of anyone who could compare to you in any way,
you're unique, you are amazing, you are completely different.
part of me is afraid, and feels almost foolish to trip so soon,
but i hold no shame and i will not waste an opportunity to be closer to you.
from here it could go anywhere,
i never know what will happen.
But at least i know
that at least i hope
to be somewhat of something you've imagined.
I wish that technology were more advanced these days
So i could search your heart on a map and begin to make my way.
behind your color changing eyes and your perfectly structured face,
is a mind i'd love to know like a book, from the first to the very last page.
if romance had a reason to not be an option for you and i,
i promise i would still never leave your side
whether a friend, or more, or in between
I'd take any position to be in your life.
you are amazing.

6 minutes til 10.
my hands cradling pills and milk
to chase purposeful death down my throat
and i chase the freedom that has been revoked
when i was born
every day i awoke
i want to take back...
those critical moments...

almost 10 pm
and its over.
i dont want to see tomorrow.
im gonna swallow my solution...
one hour closer...
to death and away from sorrow...

no more poems no more sight..
no more breathing just one big light.

10 pm.
i surrender
good bye.

i dont know how to describe this feeling..

of being lost.
of being a disappointment
being wrong.
an example of why the generation before me is disappointed.

i feel like there is no where i belong.

and as long as i am here i will continue to feel this

but theres nothing to do because emotions are fearless

they dont care who you are or what youve been through

they excite and hurt and completely control you.

no matter what i try to do....

i cant help but feel like i just belong dead with you.

in this generation what happened here?
we got blood and drugs in the atmosphere
we got hatred in our hearts and lust in our wants
kids killing each other and no one gives a ****
the ones that do are in a corner
no one listens so no one bothers
adults giving up like its a profession
students in school aint there for the lessons

im scared of the future but the past is cursed
i dont even know which half is worse
we no longer wanna be doctors and moon walkers
we just wanna be dope dealers and street talkers

always trying to get away from the problems instead of tryna fix it
we dont even care any more we just living
and im afraid for what goes on from here
im afraid to breathe in this atmosphere

Somewhere along the lines of the last 18 years
I became a different person
As i ask myself...
What happened here?
My feelings are naked and always exposed
My  thoughts attack me wherever i go
mostly
when i am alone
Maybe i shouldn't be so nice
Maybe i should buy my heart some clothes.

Lately ive been doing whats right
Thinking that if i dont someone will know
Patiently awaiting an award
From  life
For always being alone.

Somewhere when i changed from human to Frankenstein
I must've lost my heart and my mind
To the pains of the events of every day life
Every sad story could compare to mine
All they'd have to do is combine

That is where
I went wrong
Along the line

I was hurt
I was shocked
I was shaken
I was shot..

Somewhere along the life line...

I was never stopped.

And so i kept trying to end me

Kept reaching for the ending

To this line

That just goes on

And why

Did i have to be so strong...

Im looking for the peace to my rest that i may forever sleep in

Im looking for the key to the door of the room i will forever be in.

Me
Disconnected
From society
You
Catch up with all the media
Know whats going on
Me
The definition
Of anti social
Repetition
Of losing interest without having to let go
It just goes.
You
Texting all your friends and family
Going out but sometimes home
Me
Phones are for music and games
Staying away from the world where im all alone
You
Posting statuses and photos for the public to see
Me
Not one account and always wishing no one ever noticed me.
You
Hold a job and go to school living a normal life it seems
Me
Cant work in a work place because its a real place and i am detached from reality.
Attached to anxiety
Psychotic thoughts and angrily
Dealing with myself and the ones
Who dont understand
The ones like you
Do you understand?
You
Dont understand.
It is hard.
Wanting to have that normal life
Even if i wasnt fully happy
At least I'd function correctly
No one can help me
Ask the ones who tried to help me

Everything is fine and the world seems safe.
Til someone dies and a part of you is taken.
After that life all of you has changed.
You dont want to laugh any  more because it feels wrong,
And your favorite holiday becomes the most  hated.
Try to shower away the pain and the darkness.
Hoping one drop of water could bring back my heart again.
Washing away the clarity and exposing the ***** skin
Scars and cuts from places ive never been.
its hard to look up when im trying to look within
Trying to find something that'll  keep me from remembering
Trying to do whatever gets me by.
Stumbling forward but falling behind.
Its sad when you cant do anything to fix it.
But whats bad about that is it doesnt need fixing.
Death is to come to all of us
In what manner we wont know
Until it does and we have no choice but to let go.
Ive found my peace with my loss of you and i know that you are living.
Just because i can not see or hear or touch  you does not mean you are not present in spirit.
I dont have to see you
I dont have to touch  you
I dont have to hear you
I feel you.
You're in my thoughts and in my skin your name embedded in my pores
And i will never shed a tear of sadness as long as i am sure
That until i get visit of a lifetime that takes me away to where you are,
I know that your death was just humane and my life has grown in the absence of yours.