the anxiety was like hooks in my body
digging into the edges of my organs
cramming everything to the sides
and leaving a gaping emptiness behind
it was all day, consuming me

i feel like that again, sometimes
my organs shift inside my body
my bones begin to ache
and the only solution seems to be
to open my skin and set everything right
to hurt

but i stop myself
i stop myself
and again, i realize
i can handle my own pain
i can handle my own anxiety

i've finally started taking care of myself
i've finally gotten rid of the toxicity in my life
and sometimes my lungs still feel like ten-pound weights
and sometimes it still seems almost easier to tear into my skin
but i don't
i fight through it
and although somedays feel impossible
i fight for my future
i fight against my own anxiety and fears
i fight against what other people have told me
i fight for myself
because i deserve to be happy and loved
and that's a long battle, indeed
and to make this happen

i will never ******* give up

some people hate me
that fact pushes down on my chest
chokes me
it’s an excuse for my anxiety to creep in
it’s a simple fact that threatens to destroy
my fragile self-love
however
i cannot change that fact
some people i will never meet will think of my name and disgust will paint their face
some people will only know the worst of me, the person i have sought to change
some people i have met will dislike me
for no other reason than that i was annoying to them
and there’s nothing i can do about that
so when the hate tries to consume me
i just have to let go