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Ciel Mar 2016
I need to find a place
Where I can scream so loud
My lungs will sting,
Where the darkness arises
And swallows me whole,
Where the wind will embrace me
And hide me away,
And comfort me,
And whisper words that no other could,
And let me fall asleep in its dark and calming hold.
not edited
Ciel Feb 2016
Zombie
Zombie,
Walking through life
Blindly,
Aimlessly,
Empty
Empty,
Feeling nothing at all,
Mind thoughtless,
Blank,
Like the chalkboards
Rendered useless
By the projector
And the small screen
In your hand.
Don't bother me,
Don't say a word.
It goes in one ear
And out the other.
The passage simplified
By an empty canal,
A boat waiting for your words
To be carried across,
To be left unprocessed.
Staring blankly out the windows
Whizzing,
Unmoving,
Landscape,
Portraits
Of youth outside
Laughing,
Foolish.
You come to me with
Arms wide open,
But
The only arms I want
To hold me are the
Outstretched arms of my warm
Welcoming bed
That will hold me forever
Like the dirt
Embracing the dead
In a coffin,
Like a zombie.
Ciel Feb 2016
I keep falling
In and out
Of sadness.
Will the cycle
Never
End?
Will I constantly
Have to deal
With these
Emotions?
With these little
Whispers
That won’t let
Me think clearly?
These whispers that
Won’t let me sleep?
These whispers
That make
Me want to
Stay in bed
until the time
for bed
comes around
again?
These heavy
Thoughts
Keep me pushed
Against the mattress,
Sagging,
Like the teddy bear
Staring at me
From the ground
Near my bed,
Where I’d thrown it once
But I felt so weak
That the bear didn’t go very
Far.
It sits there
Staring at me
With it’s blank eyes
That I’d coloured in
With a black
Sharpie
Childhoods ago
When their colour started to
Fade.
Now their darkness
Pulls me in
And drags me into
Another cycle of
Depression.
I’m trapped again
In this colourless void
Where I float in the
Centre
Of my mind
Feeling nothing
Seeing nothing
Being nothing.
Ciel Jan 2016
Do you ever wish

The bus ride would never
end,

So you could continue 

To stare blankly 

At the boring

Bland

Scenery passing by

On the other side

Of the horrid
scratched up

window

And not have to deal

With all the ******

Depressing

Empty

Thoughts 
in your mind

That contemplate 

Everything 
and
Nothing

All
at
once
?

Because,

Right now
,
I certainly don’t
want this
 boring 

Quiet bus ride
to end.

It’s much
better
than
the 

Noisy

Tedious 

Thoughts
that
keep

flitting
through
my brain.
Ciel Jan 2016
I bare such useless emotions:
Sadness,
Loneliness,
Annoyance,
Jealousy,
Boredom,
Empt­iness,
This terrible feeling that I’m feeling right now,
This feeling that wants to rip me apart,
This feeling that’s clawing at me,
Tearing me to pieces,
Pulling at my flesh,
Pulling at my skin,
Pulling at my bones,
Trying to break me .
My soul wants an escape from this
Terrible
Useless
Useless
Useless
Prison that holds it captive.
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