Colloquially bent
With a positive alignment

Breath without falter
That’s what I put at the altar

Visions of what I wish I could be
But that isn’t me

I’m sorry
And for what I may never know

Failure
yet another failure

with sense
or liquor

it could never
be averted

then again
it was after you

he was a magnum
to my helpless heart

unexpected
powerful

you both set me alight
and watched as I burned

here is my charity
the poem you asked for

perhaps you wanted this
to hurt me to see more

you always did
love to read

these sad lines
these cries for help

The AM feeling
Is always something else

Sleep's sirens sing
A story that tells

Of struggles so far away
Merely the break of day

A yawn only heard by me
Not for another to see

My secret respite
So alone but I don't care

Here there is nothing to fight
This is a time and place so rare.

I made a pact
In the shady part of town

My heart
For an unknown price

They said
“The sun will lose the moon”

I agreed
Because I knew not what he meant

Now I’m cast out of the sky
Watching her dance

Just not with the sun.

Lungs screaming fire
Drooling ****** upon the ground

Drowning yourself in the pyre
Drowning out all other sound

A conflagration in your eye
Turning your will to ash

A blaze so high
It made the heavens crash

An ember so all-consuming
It took your very soul

Do you walk
wreathed in leaves?

Holly, Juniper, and Yew
upon your shoulders

A spectre of the forest

though your dress is fit
for royalty or worse

this dirt will hold
hold your soft footfalls

a siren hunting prey

why don't you stay?

the earth welcomes all

all miscreants
and lovers with smiles

the cavalry
and princesses alike

but you
you were misjudged

you are a gardener

one who looses soil
just to plant a solid oak

and the heart of the forest
shall always welcome you

My starlit blood
Will curse the ground

Awash in a flood
Without a single sound

Galaxies in my eyes
Will fade without trace

The blue morning skies
Will never see my face

A supernova will ring
And death’s icy hand ungloved

Will hear me sing
A song of one that was loved

I tried
to build a house

A fortress
to keep us safe

But you

You had other plans

A sledgehammer
broke the bricks

And concrete
was no match

I still wonder

If he hadn't offered a home

If you would be on the couch
cozying up next to me

But that doesn't matter now

Two saw this broken house
and decided it was home

Refugees
huddled around the fire

Why
Does my bath tub seem so long

So full
Like I could get lost

In this windowless shelter
Unknown to the world

Tucked within
A curling apartment

A cold tub
That was supposed to be warm

Too big
To submerge myself

Could this be where I die?
A voice muses

Alone in a tub?
No, too lonely

Knives and bubblegum
litter my space

But maybe I'm someone
someone you'll miss

Charismatic from the start
but erratic at heart

Scarves and swords
skirts and spears

You say that I'm kind
I'm not, I just look behind

This one's for my spark
my Hollywood sun

She's the song of a lark
with a brunette bun

A barista's style
in a coffee shop

A never ending smile
a resounding POP

A bird of paradise
flying among wires

As soon as I rise
I feel her fires

Oh today
today is my birthday!

there will be no balloons
no poppers or cake

just some time with those I love
something nobody can take

it's almost 6:00 AM
soon I'll get my alert

telling me that I should have a nice day
and maybe this time I'll listen

god these empty pages
that I fill with regret

this pain
that never leaves

maybe they'd be better
burnt, torn, and broken

maybe I would too

how sad
that my sun is dark

that the light I crave
is of a heartless abyss

that alone I lay
wishing banshees would leave

and I'm trapped here

here I blur the line
between poetry
and a cry for help

a broken villain
begging

Many have asked
To be my muse

But those who ask
Shall never receive

But those who see
The broken in me

And still choose
This dying heart

They shall feel
Its shallow beat

They may know
The words I sew

The words I sew
Into silk, the golden kind

And they may drink

The blood from my arteries

You spectre
you wraith!

You evade my arms
my helpless mortal limbs

To be haunted
but not by hate

This is truly
the unknown

The void
that is spoken into existence

This heartless limbo
it's the space between

My throat
and your bared fangs

and my curled form
and your lap

Perhaps this is what
would cause Houdini to drown

The comfort of your currents
and the warmth of your tendrils

Pulling me under

deeper

deeper

deeper

but I will not fight

for death has never seemed so kind

This poison
that you blew into my lungs

A saccharine kiss
hiding cyanide

Let me stay
in a rose gold palace

At night we'd fall
never looking back

In the day we were artists
painting pictures of each other

We'd walk in rose gardens
discuss anything we wanted

Till one day
I plunged my knife
into your defenseless chest

You looked into my eyes
and gave me a final kiss

one with blood
and with death

Things you burn
On your porch at night

Watching the fire churn
Until it all feels right

Preparing for tomorrow
When you’ll try to be enough

Drowning in your sorrow
Nobody said it’d be this rough

Watching the things you’ve lost
And things you’ve tossed

Into the fire

Burn

This is suffering
this is silence

to pierce my ears
like a sine lance

skin is paper
for the universe to burn

I will not
ever ever learn

God will it go away
this infernal pain

let me stop writing
writing away the pain

no longer is there meaning
only feelings

please someone
this is a cry for help

please someone
this is a cry for help

please please god

anyone

LET THE MUSIC STOP
LET IT GO

PLEASE

THERE IS NO ANGER
ONLY ANGUISH

PLEASE
HELP
HELP
HELP
I AM NOT A POET
I NEED HELP
I AM STRUGGLING
I NEED HELP
I AM FIGHTING
LIKE I WAS TOLD TO
NEVER ENOUGH
PLEASE I'M CRACKING
PLEASE I CAN'T BLEED
I CANNOT BREATHE
I NEED YOU
I NEED A RELEASE
I NEED
A SAFETY FOR THIS TRIGGER
GOD IT NEVER STOPS
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE
let it end
let it go
let me live
among the snow
that forest
of lies
is so repulsive
please
never go back
I won't
I never will

but it's coming after me
security in trees
the cracked walls
that hold my insecurities
please
god
it isn't going away
it's been so long
it doesn't leave
it doesn't form words
not real ones
I can't structure
in this muffled padded room
let me out
LET ME OUT
I WANT OUT
NOW HELPhelphelpnowgodhelpmenowhelpmenot losehelpmelivehelpmeliehelpmediehelpmelivehelpme diehelp me drive off a cliff help it go help it all help it all die die die leave leave leave shut the door shut the door SHUT IT SHUT IT NOW SHUT SHUT NOW NOW NOW I NEED HELPTHERE IS NO HELP NOT FOR ME NO PLEASE HELP IT'S GOINGgoinggoing control gone is here control is here please lock it away these scars will fade and you will live today

sedate me
with sweet melody

deprive me
of words only we see

with you
sleep left too

my eyes don't function
not like they did

where there was hope
there is abyss

you destroyed our world
with one fell swoop

you
could never be mine

could you?

I was the French
and you the Ardennes

Tall peaks watched gently
as howitzers fired

But there in the grass
among the trampled flowers

as I lay bleeding
I smiled

Because in the earth
I am finally with you

Peroxide on the wound
bubbling blood on my nails

Burning tears and hands
scouring ravaged tapestry

Fight it
fight it they all say

Fight what
fight what other than me?

Fight your chlorine
seeping into my lungs

Setting fire to my throat
as I puke blood

Help me
help me I scream

Someone please
someone please save me

Otherwise please
leave me to die here

Leave me to wither
a **** among roses

In lonely rooms
the end comes too soon

But hey,
not such a bad way to go

With a bullet in your head
blood splattering your pet succulent

At least it's not suffering
in the pale sunlight

Watching it glint
between the panes

As they tell you
that there's so much to live for

When you know
the opposite is true

here one day
gone the next

just like
summer morning dew

beautiful and flourishing
until burned by the sun


it's like a knife
cutting daffodils

brutal, efficient
uncompromising

******


gasoline
poured on embers

embers
that hoped to die


I'll burn it all
all of it

and watch the flames


watching it all
slip hopelessly


into oblivion

Golden like the sun
and beholden to none

We should've danced
around the graveyard

But I pranced
into the wrong yard

Now it burns
molten amber in my veins

As a fool learns
that death holds the reins

And smells smoky pine
as he claims to be fine

I thought that we had
something special

that we could be friends
just nice and simple

no pain
no rain

but my tears
must've muddied your dirt

you said
that you never wanted to part

YOU SAID
SO MANY THINGS

now yet again
I'm here

where you told me
I'd never return

but I suppose
it's my fault

I never should've believed you
my trust was misplaced

you should've just left
so I don't have to watch you go

so
so
slowly

A creeping black
destroys me from within

I'll never go back
to our wandering sin

You command me
to destroy it all

I'll always see
the result of your call

In my corner I suffer
with the coroner I'll rot

My hair
floating as though in water

This charge
This alien charge

Puts a buzzing
ringing in my ears

This tongue of mine
is it made of copper?

No, this is not rain
pouring down my brow

this is it.

In a flash, I'm struck
pierced to the ground

And yet

Over me you stand
arm extended

While warm rays
caress my now scarred skin

In this summer morning
you dab my forehead

Gently with a damp cloth
you say you're sorry

That you never meant to hit me
but I'm oh so glad you did

Please,
never let this dream end.

Just another attempt
to scrub myself

of these regrets
of pain

Just another attempt
to end this

the suffering
the pain

Am I crazy?

Am I stupid?

So much time I've wasted
on pretty things

the dazzling lights
before the curtain call

Here we are
yet again

the longest night
under clear skies

too long
have I sought the sun

I missed the mushrooms
searching for daffodils

yes, the fruits
of unending night

a hearty stew
instead of salad

truce
between wanderers

as we sit
sipping on ambrosien dirt

This is it
the end of the high

The start of the low

I can see it
Through death's sullen eyes

The yearning for my soul

And perhaps I'll waltz
in death's arms

Just not close enough for a kiss

I saw the face
of your god on high

I saw his frown
his disgust

his horrible
horrible and crooked hands

I watched them
as they bent

popping my ribs
one by one

I saw the face
of unyielding hatred

for what
has been created

I then knew
that pain is true
the only truth

for even he
who is so mighty
might cry knowing
what was created

to know his creation
was in his image
to see
how twisted
he truly is

and finally
to rip it apart

without mercy
without hesitation

You
always said to me

Starlight
never seemed so bright

Rain
never felt so nice

You
never seemed dangerous

Black holes
never seemed so dark

Poison
never tasted so good

You
lied to me

Icing
upon cold death

piercing eyes
that know pain all too well

a voice
undeniable

soft, gentle
yet still finding an edge

you'll find it
you will

your lips
like peaches

each soft
and shimmering

I always wondered
how you could look in mirrors

and say you hate
that you hate what you see

though perhaps it's jealousy
that a mirror could hold it
an image of illustrious beauty

I always wondered
what it was

and I suppose
I always will.

Good for you
you clipped my wings

Watched me crash to the ground

I swear we were flying

But it seems it was
just my ****** gums, knuckles, and thighs

Are you happy?
you hurt me unlike the others

Are you happy?
taking but hardly giving

When I pledged my soul
I never knew you intended to shred it

Or make my head
just a trophy on your wall.

Hey kid

your warranty is up
the demons are here

what's your play?

Are you gonna stay?

come now, don't fight it
let us take you away.

there's a cab out back

just step in
and we'll take you someplace

far far from here.

no, it doesn't matter where.

this wretched place
hasn't treated you fair

they say they care
and still want you to stay?

c'mon kid, it's time to go.

maybe tomorrow
they'll lie and say

they loved you
and act shocked that you're gone

come with us kid

you'll be safe when it slips

and watch as your body drips

I've lost something
again on winding roads

something
I never knew
that I could lose

I lost it
under my nose

between bridges
and deep rivers
it rests

a treasure
just beyond sight

I had it
I had it
I want it back

through mud
rapids and caves

the scent
is still there
the scent

of a ******
****** shard

this mad hunger

when
when shall I know it?
the peace of completion?

When the blackened smoke
Leaves the trapper’s chimney

When the sun
Begins to rise

I will run
I will have had the courage

To rip off the leg
Stuck in the trap

And when his dogs
His soldiers of fortune

Bark and bellow
Surely

I will die

dark and cold
memories black and old

none can save me
so why would you dare try?

can you not see
how I can never cry?

no blood dripped
when my soul was ripped

to shreds on the floor
as i watched in pain

There's nothing in this life
for a nomad in the shrapnel rain.

I've seen
the woods and trees

the crooked stars
that lie between

and the stares
of hollow oaks


yes please
please spare some pity

let these rags
mend with twigs

and I'll ****
just to be worthy


hey there
you aren't a razor

what are you doing
in my home?

have I
taken the role?

have I

done it again?

My chest bleeds
And it all goes black

If you knew the seeds
You’d know it all goes back

To that moment I opened
My eyes to this cruel world

And then I listened
As their hatred unfurled

My body bleeds as a result
Of my first breath

An egregious insult
To the jaws of death.

Your rosy cheeks
you think are ugly

But perhaps you don't understand
how some wish they had

A permanent rose tint
or eyebrows like scimitars

My words could never
ever do you justice

To say that your jaw
is like a cliff

Sharp yet smooth
is an understatement

But I
in my hubris
Will attempt to describe
the beauty of perfection

The beauty of an autumn meadow
or conifers whistling in the breeze

Eyes that show
distant supernovas within

And arms that may warm
my cold cold heart

But for now
I shall just be stumped

Because eventually I do hope
to be driven insane

To do so trying to understand
every little bit of you

And writing it down
on some small paper

Blood soaked soil
'neath the tree

my friend
lets make necklaces

strong, from knots
never to part

Our bond will never break

lovers beneath the stars

Get the chairs
cable and bone

lets find a sturdy oak
strong and bold

need a strong branch
to house these cages

macabre portraits
may our arms never part

I've rationalized it
the pain

I've found a comfort
in a bear's den

so familiar
in the cold

yet how can I say this

when our songs
hardly phase me anymore

I loved you, it's true
and perhaps I still do

but now you're a memory
faded and broken

Kintsugi

for you are treasured
though I long left you

and together
we once dreamed

we dreamed
of warmth in a blizzard

one we could keep
just for us

A thousand
Words and sins

Covered and smeared
others in guts and cuts

Clockwork unbroken

Twisted like rebar
around my throat

Ever tighter with every tock

An arsonist set free
in the winter snow

When the gears halt

Will this house stand
or will it burn?

When it's over

Discard the feelings
but not the memories

Of all the love

And if there was a lack thereof
learn from the pain

These are lessons

I learned the hard way

If only I could show I've learned

Left hook right hook
Can you not see?

After all you took
How you hurt me?

I take hot showers
To cloud vision and pain

Like depriving death’s flowers
Of all their rain

Make me kneel
In coals that are hot

So I may feel
When I’m shot

Your lips

I'm drunk
on your salt

That beautiful
beautiful taste

did you drink
right before we kissed?

some saccharine
yet salty brew?

Have I been sedated?

I feel like prey
right before a wolf

frozen
as I must be

for I know
my purpose is to serve.

Liquid gold through my veins
all for you

To sell in an exchange
an exchange of reins

Finish it
whatever you came here to do

Watch me shimmer
as you polish every hit

I'll serve until
you watch me collapse

Parts upon the ground
until you drag me to the landfill