Standing so close to the edge of this cliff , I can feel the give of the rocks beneath my feet. My heart hurts but shows no fear as it's been torn and tethered for so many years.
My mind plays like a movie running in rewind, so many memories made in oh so little time. Trying to find where things went wrong is like finding a needle amongst the hay. As I pick and plunder with still no luck as there is more abundance of hay and only one needle . It is now apparent that my search is for nothing as with no guarantee even if recovering the needle that I could fix the problem where it lay.  
I look above me for something to grab and pull me to safety should the ledge begin to break but sadly enough like our love I find nothing to hold on to to save me or us as it appears all we have left is the fall to the bottom and hope for survival to dust myself off and start over again.
Just when I brace myself and prepare for the fall I see a bit of hope and pull myself back up just to find myself standing with the rocks giving way on the edge of a fall again.

It's been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time the mind protecting it's sanity covers them with scar tissue & the pain lessens but, it's never gone. The reality of fear is I'm not afraid of the dark just scared of what's in it. I'm not afraid of heights just scared of falling. I'm not afraid of the people around me just scared of rejection. I'm not afraid to love just scared of not being loved back. I'm not afraid to let go just scared of accepting the fact that it's gone. I'm not afraid to try again just scared of getting hurt for the same reasons. I want to be the person you are scared to lose, the one you will love without restrictions, trust without fear, want without demand, & accept for who I am.

My pen feels much like my heart today as the ink that flows to my paper is speechless as my heart is broken and knows no words to say.
When everything I've ever wanted in this life continues into the darkness more every passing day.
Have you ever felt like you were screaming so loud but not a soul seemed to hear.
Almost like you were standing right in front of them but they never knew you were near.
I've become invisible to the only man I've truly ever loved and it's killing me inside.
He would rather throw our love away than to give up his pride.
So somewhere somehow I must find the strength to make a decision to go or stay.
It's hard to face the harsh reality of letting go of my one true love if my choice is to walk away

Sitting on the swing of that old front porch listening to my daddy and all the stories he told .
No matter how many times he told the same story, they never got old.
The evening  was his favorite time of day,  as he sat outside and listened to the same whipperwill singing away.
It's almost like that whipperwill knew what time every day to perform his songs for my daddy as he never missed a day .
Makes you wonder if they were connected in some other kind of way .  
Daddy taught me so many things ., Things I used to think were silly or couldn't be .. I wouldn't trade those memories for anything in this world I'm thankful for the time my daddy spent with me
He showed me all the beauty in this world and what it would some day mean. By all the stories he would tell of the places in this world he had seen.
If I only had one wish that would come true, I would tell my daddy I wish for one more day with you.
One more day to sit on that old porch swing  and listen to each and every story he ever told , one more day to just hear him say my name or tell me he loved me again, one more day to take him out dancing with me and my friends , and one more day to wish my wish never ends.
©kimmied1105

What's not to love of this time of year, the breath of  summer in the south so fragrant and clear.
Blooming flowers blowing in the summer breeze, lifting a brisk scent of aroma so divine.
The honeysuckle growing wild  nurturing itself as it twists and turns through the cudzu vines.
The sights of the country never get old.
As I sit on my front porch, calming the evening, peering at the sunset of vibrant colors mixing both light and bold.
The darkness here carries no fear as the twinkling wings of the lightning bugs inspire a feeling of freedom as they blink rapidly to light the way..
The moon and the stars are ever so clear, in the darkest of nights it's like morning here.  
You never feel alone under the southern country sky,
You can always hear the sounds of the birds, the crickets , the frogs and faithful mag pie.
A peaceful encounter if you have never been, you should come here some day and you will see what I mean.
©kimmied1105

I read something today that it's apparent I don't understand.  See it is written that we are created equal, yet there is women and man.
I'm not sure if I can call the parts we all have an equal, or did I misunderstand.
Maybe it was meant equal due to the that we all think? But once again leaves me still confused .
A man and a woman's thoughts of logic are far from the same, a woman takes things more serious while the man is easily amused.
Oh well I shall just believe by the proof I see with my own eyes, that it's all alot of confusion that started in the beginning. When God told Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree, He came back to find that It was Eve that had eaten , so saith Adam .
Men are known to lie more than a woman so my theory is this
Adam ate from the fruit of the tree and blamed it on Eve!!

How can a mother express the hurt and sadness and feeling of guilt when they took her baby boy away, no such expression could remotely describe the burning of her heart the fear she feels for him every single day.
Imagining her son locked in a cage like a beast and knowing deep down in her heart he is her frightened baby behind that masquerade. Laying awake at night imagining how he feels knowing he wants to burst out in tears and come home to his momma. He's been stereotyped as if he murdered his best friend but you see on that horrible night my son was trying to pull his best friend back in the window and missed a sharp curve lost in daze of confusion he goes in between a pole and a flower bed and sadly his best friend was hanging out the window and his body struck the pole ,  killing him instantly . We lost more than his best friend that night we lost one to death and the other left with the horrid memory of the accident that took his friends life and in the reality it took my son's as well and right along with his momma as I lost two boys and my world fell to pieces .
©kimmied1105