Thirteen long years spent under his thumb. Sixteen years old is when this begun.
I thought I was in love , now I know I should have left after the first shove.
I stayed instead, chalking it up as one too many drinks,. Time went on only getting worse, as I got pregnant with his child.  The control he had over me was more than mild. It was a push and a shove pulling my hair but worse than that was the emotional abuse he just didn't care.
The longer I stayed the worse it got , now there was another life I had to protect.
My story goes on for around 10 more years , another baby  with him and many hidden tears .
Please don't judge others by what you may see because behind those closed doors is a scarred and scorn woman that wants to be free .
Free from the abuse she gets everyday the threats of him taking her life away . The fear of what would happen to her children if he snapped and did what he said, The fear she feels laying beside  a monster in her bed, the fear that her children will grow up to believe that abuse is ok because that's all they see ,
So this is a sickness a disease, to treat any human so inhumane,
I don't look for pitty but hope someone out there reads this and it changes their life.  You see , I am not a Victom but I am a true Survivor of Domestic Violence you may not be as lucky as me if you stay I promise you you don't have to do anything else just get away .  
© kimmied 1105

Somewhere in this life I will find the escape of my search , I shall open every door, look out every window, travel anywhere my escape may be.  
Then suddenly I am confused as a strange thought crosses   my mind as I sit all alone in my untidy  box I call a home ,
What is it I'm escaping from? Is it the mirror of an old woman always staring at me, she is like the rose I use to see but her color has faded as her skin is  wilting like the petals of a once beautiful flower now turning to dust .  
The sadness of reality now striking like the thorns on the rose a stinging pulsing pain as I realize there is no escape as I fade off to sleep I may wake another day, everything I see will be seen just the same until the day the rose petals fall to the ground as does the old lady pass away.
©kimmied1105

If I could have chosen anything I wanted to be, I wonder which of these I would choose to be me.
Would it be a bird  with wings of white to soar high over the oceans and the mountains, maybe a Lion so that I could roar like thunder and be a king over the jungle, or a great big grizzly bear to scare everyone I see, a fish with bright beautiful colors to swim freely through the sea, such a hard decision to make when it comes to what I would be, maybe another living thing not of animal or like me , maybe a perinial flower that blooms every year, or be planted like an oak tree to see how big I could be. Oh well all these things I thought I may like to be, all sounds glorious and adventurous but in the end I make the choice just to remain how God intended to be , I choose to just be me !
©kimmied1105

Spears attached to vinum shooting from your tongue, piercing through my weakened heart spreading poison in my vanes.
How does this satisfy any need you ay desire, to watch your words of anger burn me like a fire.
With little regret I see from you in your actions only one,  as the existence of your tongue attempts to attach a drop of antidote, clearly not enough to counter act your words that filled me with poison. As the Spears lay still attached , the damage still exists, for  every attempt to remove them the hole left in me is to forever remain.
©kimmied1105

Watching sadly as our once beautiful love dies slowly like the flower with it's petals so weak as they fall to the ground. Knowing within the depths of your heart you can't save it or bring it back to life. All that's left to do is pick up the petals like the pieces of your heart and and hope there's a live seed left to replant and grow again one day.
If you leave the petals to soak up the moisture on the ground it's surely to mold the seed, which makes it so much harder to grow another flower from a molded seed. My heart left open to be broken over and over gives it no time to heal, for if it should ever love again., It must get away from the person that's breaking it  before it to becomes the molded petal laying on the moistened ground left to mold away.
©kimmied1105

As I look at this woman in the mirror, she is looking right at me. Her face tells the story of her life through the lines on her face and piercing of her eyes. Her voice of wisdom came from the roads traveled along her way.  With her thoughts traveling close to me her past far away.. as I stare at her in my mirror I listen close as she speaks,
This life has been a journey, I've learned many things.
I've taken roads I never should have taken, I've made choices I knew were wrong when I made them, I've failed when I could have succeeded, I've stayed when I should have left, and I've fallen in many holes I dug by myself. There will be some point in my future when I may repeat one if not  all i have mentioned above. But there is always a positive to every negative rest assure for the mistakes I've made, made me the woman I am today. I am only human. I do not stand above or below. We are all created equal.  If given the chance to change my past, I would not change one thing because my mistakes have made me wiser to, The roads I know  not to travel again, choices I refuse to make because I know they are wrong, I will never give up if I know in my heart I can succeed, I will do my best to not put myself in any situation if I know better , and last but not least, if I dig myself a hole you can bet one thing, I will have a shovel  to dig myself back out. So Love me or hate me it's a choice for you to make. But always remember I live my life the way I see fit and the opinions of others I may consider but never forget, I wasn't looking for a friend when I found them so if they were to leave I probably wouldn't miss them as I've lived my entire life without them.So love the person you see in this mirror for all that they can be because at the end of the day the one true love I have is this woman in my mirror staring back at me .
©kimmied1105