The Calm Sea

When Magda died, all barriers broke.
No depression, no sorrow, just stillness.

Like the calmest sea, flat and dark,
stretching beyond sight.
I existed in my purest form, MYSELF.
No borrowed traits, no learned habits.
Just being.

Sometimes I envy that state,
but I know not to linger too long in it.

I only acted, every word, every motion,
a performance for the world.
Like a machine, programmed to react,
empty of meaning, void of self.

When something new arrived,
it never truly touched me.
Just a passing flicker in short-term memory.

I drifted further,
speaking less, withdrawing more,
except to the few who still reached me.

Then, the ripples came.
Subtle at first, but they grew,
stirring the abyss, reshaping me.

I gathered fragments of the past,
blending them with the present,
constructing a new SELF,
wiser, changed.

I struggle to recall what came next.
What did I feel beyond the void?
Only that I found love again—
deeper, truer.

It grounds me. It holds me safe.
Now, standing at the edge once more,
I wonder what memories will resurface.

This is not a will,
nor a testament.
Just words adrift,
like autumn leaves, restless in this October wind.

Left for the reader to unravel,
to find meaning or glimpse
into the corridors of my mind,
a reflection of this fleeting moment.

A glimpse into a mind meeting mortality,
facing fragility once again.

I do not yet know how I will bear it.
The womb that gives life,
that nurtures, shelters, loves unconditionally
how can I fathom its absence?

I understand now..
some beings never leave us,
we carry them always.

Yet in the fleeting moment of loss,
the weight feels unbearable.
An internal big bang
a collapse into that quiet sea once more.

One day, I will face my own mortality.
Soon, or in the distant unknown.
I fear it,
but I long for it too.
The beauty of nothingness calls to me,
whispering in the hush of the tide.
And sometimes,
I listen.

The Dark Ailment

The day came when silence consumed my mind.
My mouth no longer had the strength
to speak the thoughts that haunted me,
keeping sleep far from my grasp.

I left behind the warmth that once made me feel safe
and wandered into unknown paths
where flowers bloom all year round,
where the scent of the sea follows you wherever you go.

Where once, a small child took its first steps,
hoping to find a friend.

But the day came when everything was erased,
and a violent new beginning was forced upon the world.
The child had no friends
and was driven back into the loneliness of solitude.

The sea fell silent.
Its scent no longer carried memories
memories of your mother unwrapping your lunch,
saying:
"Come, eat something, Giorgos.
Don’t go into the water just yet, you’ll sink."

Just as the universe itself sank into darkness.
The flowers vanished.
No one felt safe anymore.

No one sleeps now.
Dreams have turned into waking nightmares,
lurking in every mind
that has chosen to remain silent.

It feels like something is eating you
from the inside out,
slowly,
until it’s too late.

There are no sensations.
No dreams.
And nowhere left to go
except for the few steps
this sickness still allows you to take.