Just a number that tells a lot
A number that sounds like
"youth passion love"
I see him so often that I think
He is living in my iris
And even if I lost my sight
I'd still get a glimpse of him

Our red thread has started to compress my pinky finger
Our pinkies finger, that have lived through so many kisses, promises, lies and fights
He always seemed to wonder
« What it was like to be alone »
To be without
His other half, his partner, his aurius

But I left
And suddenly every song was singing about him
My red ***** was going crazy with the lack of him
Th warmth of your touch was so consuming
That I felt naked when you left the room

I was shivering from the cold you left
My stubble raise as a barrier
In order to protect from your
Toxicity, obsession, mischief

But in the end me, and my pinky
Are too weak against you

You’re a lesson not a lover,
A fact a struggle to reconcile with
Cause you were everything that mattered
Now I barely even miss you within

My pretty boy your pride no longer makes you sweet,
You would’ve been sour if I had got a taste
All that sin and being so mean
Has left us with a foul aftertaste

And when does sun appear, your presence disappears
Leaving place to colour, gold and beautiful ebony
But when the sun goes down, you creep on me
Like the devil in the night
Now all I see is dark, blue, blue and blue,
Tainted with some green but still so ever blue

And I’m submerged by a wave of blue sea,
That suffocates me once again,
Removing the air, I know now wasn’t you
But you aren’t here, so you took my breath away
You aren’t here, so there’s nothing for you take

How tiresome it is to hang on to fleeting things
Not really feeling at what moment they losen their grip
Realising that finally they don’t need you with in
Realising that it was just a fleeting thing .

How tiresome is seeing depth in everyone , everything ?
In a way that makes your hands ache from the aimless digging
Just to not find what you search for in it
Wasting so much time for a fleeting thing

How tiresome is  trying to be perfect in everthing?  
Failing miserably addicted to sin .
Drowning so deep, sorrow eats you within ,
craving to be more than just a fleeting thing

How draining is being nothing to someone who’s your everything ?
How much does it hurt one’s soul to be left vacant of it’s heart ?
Desperately filling it with everything and anythings
A pathetic attempt at fixing-

-what could be mended with a simple kiss.

have i ever wanted this as bad as i do now?
as bad as i feel after obtaining it ?
I give in as i plan my own demise , my one damnation
waking up from a mystical dream
compelling myself to forget the deed
As i keep to myself as I'm only to blame
blamed for executing my dying will.
will the guilt be so lethal i could ****
**** myself to start over do it again
how could something hurt but hurt so good ?
so good that it gives it's place to this.
feeling.
leaving no room for healing

you're right In front of me but still I grieve you
my feelings have changed the feel of your cheeks
the warmth of your voice and the feel of your touch
I flinch at your contact although I don't mean to

you stare into my eyes and even then I grieve you
there's something about you that's not entirely 'you'
what has changed , what did a couple months do to you ?
you're right Infront of me but still I grieve you

you grin at me and still I grieve you
your smile lacks the innocence you once held
all your beauty is suddenly so blue
and your heart is so far it has escaped

Do you even know what love is ?
Treating it like a language that’s foreign
Finding it in everything and anything
Yet you still fail to gasp it’s concept

I love you . in everything you are
In everything you aren’t .
You ‘think’ I know you
But you don’t even know where to start

I love you , in the way you’re so cautious of your heart
Treating like it’s all that matters ,
In a way that makes hating you so **** hard
I love you like it’s all that matters

In the way you see me inside out
in a simple blink of an eye
in the way your head falls back
when I try to make you laugh

in the way you look at me like I’m all yours
just to remind me I’m not
the way you drown everyone in this fantasy of ours
just to remind me It’s all false .

I love you in the way your breath fans the wind
In the redness of your cheeks
I love you with all your physiology
I love all of you in everything and anythings.

But what’s love if not mingled with hate ?
Theres some parts of you I simply detest

I hate you , In the way you make me feel small
in moments of vulnerability and distress
make me wet , dripping in disrespect
not from lust . no, not at all

I hate you , in your words
You walking dissonance .
Act like I’m the whole world
Just to speak utter nonsense .

Love his smell of wood and sand
Like a secret place you visit when you’re sad
Like he was fated to cure your mind  
Be your secret thing when you run and hide

I love him
I love the colour of his eyes .
So simple yet ever so consuming
The kind that feels like a sigh
Releasing the pressure you once had

I love him
I love his eyes full of that vivid mallee  
Full of life and nature , god everything in between
So present you could never fathom to forget
Haunted with regrets and what could’ve beens

I love him and his beautiful heart ,
When you’re on his good side ,
When he sees you for who you are
Not for the devil in disguise

Every pixel of your being visible to his eyes
Processing you thoroughly , ever so fully
With a view , like that and such a precise mind
He must belong in the ****** army

And his mouth that once held a bouquet of compliment for my being
Now only utters mean truths , evils lies what a cruel thing
To mean it all , but still be nothing
To be just wind to one that is everything

what benefit would there be for me to admit
to such shameful feelings
you fuel my every twist of hand
you make my poems the most refined
all my songs stem from the pain
you've inflicted to my heart
my most raw emotions and uncontrolled stem from your every action

what's the benefit in admitting something so destructive?
what's the point allowing myself to lose the one thing that keeps me breathing ?
cause how do I explain that my love for you leaves me for dead .
gasping for air ,
no more blood pumping my body
as it's core is no longer there
how do I explain my heart leaving me for dead
with  the sole purpose of running to you with it's fleeting energy left

how do I explain my heart leaving it's natural functions
committing suicide as without me it dies
for the the sole purpose of meeting your own?
like the mere presence of the one it craves is worth the worst kinds of death
the slow and heavy ones , that leads my vacant eyes to fathom the most untrue outcomes.

how do I explain that you drain me of all my being , with just one part of me being yours
Why did I fail to realise that in my chest was not where my heart lied this whole time
or that it belonging to you when you had abondonned me here to die

And you look at your own flesh ,
Disgusted by the smell and taste
So you take on another one ,
Hoping it won’t make a change

The hatred reflects in your eyes ,
Of deep , now ***** brown ,
You can’t convince yourself you’re lovable ,
So you try others  until your capable

To feel it , drown in it ,
Allow intamcy in a way that’s from within
And you’re fighting , and you’re tired
You’re tired of losing , dying inside ?

And all that hatred is overbearing ,
You’re consumed with it but it still exudes from your pores ,
That’s the origin and cause of the foul smell you noticed
You tried to cleanse your soul , but there’s just more & more

And you blame , blame and blame , the only ones that loved you
You point your finger , hate and blame , the ones that loved you
Cause you know they won’t point back , hate back , by love for you
You will do it all , to deny the problem being you

Has your lame trickbook not been sullied enough ?
In a way that makes you barely notice its words ,
After each use , it gets a little more rough
Left with the guilt and the whole world

And that smell , oh that reeking smell !
Of all the things you hate ,
Of all the things you loathe
Including your poor self

I feel sincere and utter pity ,
That you’re unable to look at yourself in a mirror
Whether for your greatness and successes
shortcomings or weaknesses

You put yourself through things you simply cannot overcome
And you’re unravelled , faced by the consequences
Another mirror you close your eyes to
The mirror of consequence  

You were to speak words of utter and complete understanding
But wearing someone else's skin cancels out achievements
Did you believe you could bare the glory ,
but not the face of the enemy ?

Though your acheivements were clear as day ,
Written all over that face , so beautiful face
And just how you harvested the inability to conceive your heart made of gold ,
You harvest the inability to see things-not how they seem , but how they are told .

And so you move like an evil spirit ,
Shallow and insincere ,
You’d think you’d hate it up there, living  in fear
But you take a particular liking to that kind of mischief

You find power in the ego and the lie ,
Cause it blinds you enough from the inevitable demise
Blinds you from your biggest fear of sinful tides
That you get swayed  with no bark , and no fight

In a world so big , so broad but small
We fall in love a couple times
sometimes less sometimes more
Wether you stay in your bubble
or talk to many people
There’s only so much you can do
So much you can search for

Walking down the street
Same routes same scenery
Same people same shops
Same sky and greenery
We think we’ve seen it all
Think we walk in circles
Tired of the same thing
Crave something experimental

Then I remember there’s time
How fast things change and get out of line
How blind I tend to be when I’m all up in my life
Cause how couldn’t I see you
See you were meant to be mine
I saw you on that street but didn’t look at you
Heard your voice in that room  but didn’t give a ****
I knew something was missing I just didn’t know
It was you I was missing , it was you from the start

To disappoint me was your goal
Disappointment is your goal ? Isn’t it ?
As a father i believed in my son,
As a professor i believed in my student,
But as a man you disappointed me

This is overdramatic, eight
I want to tell you
How much i love you
But i cannot reach you anymore
I’m crying out for help
Just *** and fun we said,
Of course just fun and ***…

Everything was under control
My hands held my
Light
Obsession
Vulnerability
Envy

I look in your deep brownie eyes,
I read in your mind like I always do
Just to see what you don’t want to say
Pick some words; expressions on your face;
Your smile I can tell that we both know
How this situations is out of control

Then suddenly I’m hit by seasonal depression
The Type that dulls the sky and interactions
Makes you Observe the world with no question
clings on to you like second skin
Makes you go crazy and contemplate sin

Whatever you do nurtures these thoughts
Like our nature was to fear and hate
Consumed by everything , consumed by shame
a horrible game we’re fated to play

Can I hide myself ? Wait for the rain to be over ?
The umbrella still wets my clothes and damps my skin
I can’t take  the cold and I can’t take the heat
Everything I do seems to make me weak
Struggling with truth and make believe

Grief what a gut-wrenching  thing
She said it’s as a luxury
I say it’s a place to be .
The feeling of all things that have passed,
Displayed so miserably .

And although in misery  we should only find darkness
Something lingers ,shades of brown ,beige light
a veil that comes to hide all the sad and all the madness
leaving once again  this beige brown light

The same brown you find in photographic film
memories , souvenirs flashing before your eyes
a vague replica of the intensity it is
to move on and leave your heart behind

And when your smile becomes tears ,
you  finally realise that time is more than money
and we waste it year after year
not caring , living so shallowly

She said grief is a luxury
I say it’s a place to be
The luxury it is to have something to lose
To have loved and cared ever so deeply

What a luxury it is to be moved to the core
To live life in a way that makes our hearts yearn for more
Cause it’s beauty is blinding , we no longer see with the eyes
Living life in a way we are sometimes forced to mourn

And it’s ugly .
All things are ugly in the end ,
Do some harbour the capacity of only seeing the good ?
The ugly is all I see in the end .

The  links that tie us are so beautiful yet so raw ,
Drowned in a color that is ours but also everyones
The links that tie us are of a deep red ,
running in our veins in a way that’s so coarse
I wonder if we’re the only ones .

The beauty we basked in before the storm removed its light ,
Still lingers in that beautiful soul of ours .
But it has  been sullied , beaten and rendered useless
By love itself , by the adoration , trust itself .

Love : what a destructive thing ,
No matter the nature , it’s way of functioning seems to be a never wavering scheme
One that is the most fulfilling sight you’ll ever lay your eyes upon ,
Before every crevice of the thing you once adored turns into to ash and bone

Its so fascinating , is it not ?
The way we tumble and fall , but still lift ourselves up
The way we get a little bit uglier , a little more lost  
At every twist and turn , we lose something that we were made of



And I’ve lost , lost so much in you .
May I reach for your heart , rip it from your chest to allow myself to feel full again ?
Or maybe -and only if you let me- would you let me retrieve my books from your shelves ,
I know you read them , understood them and bare with me , annotated them but they are mine ,
May I have them back ?

It’s in no way that I wish to taint you furthermore with my obligations and needs ,
But the things I used to give -and willingly so- are now missing me
Or I miss them , that besides the point ,
With them in your hands I fail to feel whole ,

So let me dissect your brain , to figure which part of every memory  belonged to me
To attempt to seek and find the things that now make you 'you' , that actually stem from me .
I’m sorry , or probably not all , I don’t seem to a give a single thought about you being empty
I just need the love you stole from me

This is a another classic instance of **** or be killed ,
In a way this for my survival , and thus I must ****
You , it all seems to begin with you .
All the things that hurt me , simply make you stronger
Cause I didn’t steal from you

And my heart weighs heavier than you on the balance of honesty

I'm drinking the tea that we used to drink
The tea that I'm now drinking with an other
The tea that we used to spill close to the sink
Every time I'll try to test the tea with someone else
But they hate it or acting weridly

I thought I could never take the tea without Him
I've wait so long, my tea was completely cold

Easily the Eight tried it, then adore it
Now we've drinking and talking about this tea
When the water is hot enough
I just put the infusion, blood starts to invade the cup
Thsi invasion starts in my heart too

Except, the taste isn't the same anymore
Now Red is everywhere
Nothing tastes like the beginning
Even my eyes start to close on Eight's Red flags

This acidic taste start to **** me off
I added sugar, more energy
But wait...
I'm blind, it doesn't taste like tea anymore

The flavours of my first tea with Eight start to reappear
The taste of his tongue too
The heath of his hands which travel my body

Do you see how much we are trying ?
trying to make things better ?
see how much we are fighting ,
fighting for our days to be brighter ?

Do you see how some use their blood sweat and tears to free us of this torment you now call home ?

build with their own two hands art that can rebrand our mind .
Form with their brain-no bigger than our own-new ways ,new routes to liberate our kind.

Through space and time , finding the light that shines so bright it might just break the pattern .

Do you see it all ?
The black in their eyes  , the white of their palm and black of their hand ,the red of their blood that spills for our freedom

the black of their eyes tainted with determination ,and love,  so much love
to bring us all out of this curse you now see as a blessing .

the darkness of the skin that attracts the most of the world , and the light
that attracts the sun ,making it shine so bright .
the darkness of the skin that works morning day and night
for the freedom of it's people even though you're blind ,

To all the things that move you.
Athough in a world where war is the norm
you owe it to yourself to be alert ,
and not give in to oppressing currents .

Do you ever ask yourself the question :
why so many of us come to you so needy
begging for your understanding , for you to use that brain for an instant
to use your free will , righteously.


do you ever ask yourself why you're standing in a country that isn't your own with your 4 limbs ?
that maybe  it is thanks to those who saw the act of the oppressors no matter if it came in a bloodied hand or drapped in silk

Comfort is just like sloth ,
One of the devil's favourite tool ,
you think you know where you're at when really you're just a fool

understand you're only flying cause
you 're not grounded in anything .
Not cause you're free no , free people are down here mending and fixing


The end of the tunnel exists
As the light blinds part of my vision
I see the  blue sky through the mist
Sing with me:"to hell the illusion"

Since vkei replicas nostalgia so well
I’m torn between crying or deeming satisfactory the years that have already fell
Cause vkei replicas the way I felt
When you were with me and everything was okay

And then I’m remembered how I would utter masculine names just for you to **** the noise they made
How I wanted to to fight thin air so I’d belong to you in every way .
How I'd talk about make  believes in hopes you’d nullify them all so I’d be compelled to pick only you
How I wanted you to be it all for me too .

I’ll move on I can feel it has already begun in my bones
Unfortunately there a still a few cells that seem to still live for you
A few cells which sole purpose is to remind me of my love for you
The ones you altered the chemistry of with you long lasting presence
The ones that forgot what they were doing before the sight of you

A grey cloud covers her sky , Its raining in her mind tonight ,
first a drop made the vase leak and ever since its been spilling through her eyes .
She cant figure out how to make it stop , as she doesn’t know why , So she just waits till it empties,she waits a lifeteime .

And when her eyes aren’t the subject of a tsunami, it’s her heart that takes the weight of the entre ocean .
it’s her heart that becomes blue ,
as an irregular rythm is set in motion ,
But her heart gets so full so fast,
and the vase is only half empty ,
she feels it beating so hard , right beneath her skin .

So she swallows It all , glad that now  she feels it less ,
she’s meant to be eating and swallowing , so it all makes sense . Then suddenly she’s not hungry for anything but  water and  air , and even that is now suffocating .

She chokes on it , drowns in it , as now it exudes from her pores , no matter how much gets out , there always seems to be more , oh the lord knows how she’d want it to stop ,  wants to stop it all.

It fills her up , and fills her mouth,only for her to ***** it out , hoping its all of it , shes purposefully gags , ignoring her groans and moans that are now ever so loud .

she empties her stomach's contents , that now has no water , no, only air. She hopes she's finally taken away part of the trouble and part of the blue that messed up her head .

but the vase is only half empty , she reminds herself , still its begging for exit , a crack in it is enough for the story to repeat-itself .

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUILD A HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF TWO WORDS ?
The first thing you will notice is the unbearable distance between the two .
How two words of  the same appearance and even touch , are so different in truth
How from once side to another , the weight changes from one to two .
There’s an infinity of numbers . between that one and  that two .
Oh to live in the middle of two words .

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUILD A HOUSE BETWEEN TWO WORDS
Convinced that despite the different nature , they’re from the same worlds ,
Not really caring if you’ve managed to capture it’s depth , or use
Although now those two words are separated by a whole universe .

Do you feel the instability of the foundation of your home ?
As one side sinks and the other elevates your being .
Had you used the same words with the right meaning
You wouldn’t be left failing on your own

Do feel the slight change of mood ?
The closer to heaven the happier you are ,
As if you reache for the stars and got the moon
yet still, you failed to realize ,
That precision a fundamental task  

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUILD A HOUSE BETWEEN TO WORDS ?
Saying ‘I like you’ although it already burns .
Claiming to not know cause you lack the terms
Pretending it all , when truly you yearn .

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUILD A HOUSE BETWEEN TWO WORDS ?
Using words ever so lightly they are left deprived of their purpose .
Changing everything like it doesn’t matter if it hurts
Forgetting words have power , and they can only be heard.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUILD A HOUSE BETWEEN TWO WORDS?
So that your living room is only nearly beautiful ,
your guests  struggling to find it’s essence
Knowing something here was meant to be fruitful
But was left in the corner collecting dust

The feeling of lingering fear in the air
The Result of all the torment , and the unsaid
Because clarity is the enemy of today’s world
Leaving everyone empty & astray

WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE BETWEEN TWO WORDS ?
Running in circles scared to reach destination ?
Convinced that somewhere in the achievement lies your demise ?
Cause what are we if not a living creatures ,
Designed with a beautiful heart and beautiful mind ,
We ought to share to the world .

WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE BETWEEN TWO WORDS ?
Saying you like them when truly you’ve loved them since a while
Saying a kiss is similar to a simple “miss” of focus
Claiming you know when you bathe in the unknown ,
Claiming you want when truly you don’t know