There are times that
I don't want to believe
in kindness
cause that is a word
meant for fools who
believe that there is
such thing as good

We believe in such
existence as genuine
as it, but later on to
see that we were all just
mindless, spineless
and filled with ignorance

We are all but arrogant beings
who swore by such
codes and ethics
and despise such
despicable behavior
yet hypocritical,
ignoring our sickening
idiosyncrasies

And yet, why am I still
a fool who wants to believe
that the world isn't as
horrendous, as horrible
as the world claims itself
to be? as other claim
the world to be?

Why am I still a fool who
still wants to believe in kindness
when kind words and actions
seem meaningless to everyone?

It's hard to believe now
but I still want to
*I want to believe in kindness

You stare at me
like there is
happiness in pain,
teardrops in laughter
and dancing
under the rain
Like there was once
joy with me
but all that
we’re left with
are just
memories

I've roamed to the corners of the world.
And never have I seen a sunset more
compelling than the sunset back home.
Maybe, from where I'm standing now
None compares to the sunsets at Manila
Maybe, you'd know what I'm talking about
When I would someday show you why

Instead of where I stand, I wish I was there
With you by my side, watching our special
sunsets. Like the world was meant just for the two of us. As much as each sunset gleams, it shines with much fervor every moment we see it. Maybe, it's just an illusion, or maybe it's real. But the most wonderful sunsets are at home with you.

Perish the thought of guilt
for I love you and
I expect nothing

My dear, I love you not
for what you have done
not for what you will be
but for who you are

Perish the thought of guilt*
for I do not regret a single day
that I am in love with you

I felt a hug so warm
then on my cheek, a kiss
I felt no harm
cause it's from a person I'll miss
I look back and see
her most beautiful smile
Oh, how lucky of me
to see it for a while
She whispered unto my ear
The four words I'm dying to hear
She said "I love you, dear"
In a voice so clear
and then
...
*I woke up

I've always wondered for whom do you smile for
The very smile that I can't simply resist
The one smile that brightens me to my very core
One of the million reasons why I still persist
I feel blessed to see that smile of yours
The one that brightens my day like non-before
The one that keeps me far from insane
The one that keeps me far from a cane
I've wondered why you're always so close
and yet you're always been so far
It's like you're so near, just as near to my nose
and yet so distant just like a small star

I still remember how your hand held mine
How your smile would just stop time
I remember how you'd blush
How you'd just amaze me too much
I remember how you'd make me shy
It'd be crazy for me to say "hi"
Sadly, these are just memories of mine
Don't worry, I'll be just fine

I'll just close my eyes and remember your smile

It's not in your tears
that I've seen your pain
It's the fake smiles
that you bring out in
raindrops or sunshine

I've seen my fair share of
people putting up a face
to show others that they're okay
when in fact, they're in a craze

The kind of people who put on
such a fabricated smile
at the brontides and oblivions
when their tears fall inside than out

I've met too many of them
that I've lost fingers for counting
and with toes are not enough
to give you an exact number of people
I've met.. I've witnessed.. I've lost

Maybe, I cared because
I did not want to lose another
I did not want to lose a friend
I did not want to lose you

I've met many of them
young and old
sometimes, I believe that
I've seen more than my
"fair share" than what is actually
"fair"

Sad to say; I've lost another
though greatful; it's not you
Would you blame me if
I was scared to lose people?
when people get lost too much?

Please find your way back
back to where smiles didn't need
to be as fake as they are now

All I ask from you now is to pray.
Keep praying til I want what you want
If what you want is for me to stop loving you
If what you want is for me to give up on you
Please pray harder if that's what you want
Cause everyday, I'd love you longer and longer
Everyday, I'd have fallen for you
over and over and over again
Pray til I want what you want
If that is what you really and truly want

It'd be selfish for me to ask you love me
the same way that I love you
So here I ask, pray
*Pray til I want what you want

People don't really notice the little things with me
Well, despite being a big guy
Not a lot of people ever did

I'm your average nerdy guy
who happens to like classical music
and appreciates medicine and quantum theory
has weak lungs and sensitive ears
and possibly, an attention span of an apple

People notice the regular things
Me drawing, studying, science-ing out
(as you termed it)
But the one thing you changed in me
The one thing that not a lot of people see
the one thing that you and only you taught me
was how to smile

They walked under the stars, and constellations
And under galaxies, they danced
without a care
without restraint
As if they were the center of the universe

On the soil, they made memories
and the wind be their witness
of the feelings they shared
of the feelings they cherished

As each little finite moment occurs
each of their infinities come to light
despite the one second turned to minutes
then hours
relativity kept their time from moving

Their hearts come closer and closer
until the two entities become one
and at that very moment
they made the universe one

If "love" hurts and "love" gives pain,
wouldn't love have no right to be called love?
Because if love is what we see as something good,
then, love with pain and hurting shouldn't be love!?
unless pain and hurting becomes a good thing?*
---------------------------------------------------------­---------
That was once a thought I had as a child, but as I grew
older, I thought... maybe it hurts because the love of others
contradicts our own. We both preach the same kind of love
and yet show it differently, and apparently it shows us
that love is the same, and yet it varies...
From religion to culture, From ideas to perspective
From physical to spiritual to emotional
The scary thing now is... when does love become love?
For religion and culture varies
For ideas and perspective varies
When does love become love when love contradicts?
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
Love is.. a beautiful and scary thing

It all started with a nickname really, a pet name that only you called me. It's amazing how it was three words long, and yet you opt to say it completely. Others called me different, but strangely you called me special. The name ticked and clicked with ease. Maybe, it's because it's you.

She once told me
"Your hugs are nice,
I like your hugs"
She probably doesn't
Know why...
--- --- --- --- --- ---
She's a strange one
cause she holds me.
She acts around on her
own, a klutzy one she is.
She sometimes
acts on impulse, and
can be hard headed at
times. You may say that
I've fallen strangely, but
you probably don't
know her story.

Sometimes, her smile never
seemed real to me. All I ever
saw was a mask. She smiles
with her lips, but her eyes have
seen pain. And maybe, if I have
never been this way, maybe I've
never fallen.

Her smile, I wish
I could see it genuinely.
At that one moment where she
Is truly and completely happy.
I wish I could be there to see it
I wish I could be there to be it

I honestly don't know what I could
do for her, so I make the best of what
I got... So I make my hugs the best
she'll ever get, cause that's what I could offer.

People around me always ask those questions of
"Who do you love?"
"What do you love?"
"Where did you love"
"When did you love?"
"How do you love?"

But not so often do I hear someone ask
"Why do you love?"
I guess it's because every one of us
will never get a satisfactory answer
I mean, I guess it's true for me
because a reason why is never
greater than reasons why

Well, for the sake of sharing
I will tell you one of mine

"Because I can't afford to hate"

As cliched as it sounds
it seems a reason good enough for me

As a person who has seen more than
his fair share of death firsthand
You'd get to see stories of people
who died never seeing what love was
who died never experiencing love
who died never knowing love
who died never seeing their love again
who died never experiencing love again
who died never knowing love again

and for a chronically sick person like me
I can't afford my life spent on hate on anyone
I can't afford hate more than what is human

Maybe, it's just being positive, but..
Love while you can still love

Some worry that someday
The one we love will
stop holding our hand
or stop talking to us
stop being lovers or
at the least, friends
maybe a slap on the cheek
a fight here and there
or stuff thrown everywhere
but my most worrying thought
is that I'm afraid that one day
maybe today..
she'll forget my name
forget my existence

I cower at the thought
that one day
maybe today..
she'll never
remember I exist

Like the Sun
you shined
with every smile
you pulled
and I couldn't
bring myself to
look your way
as I was in a state that
my eyes could only
be for the earth
below
As much as
I wanted to see
the light of your being
my mind and body
did not dare to fathom
what kind of joy
is there in store for me
but
as my eyes grew curious
...
I looked
I looked at the sun
and like everyone
who dared to look
I was blinded
I was blinded too well
I looked past every burn
you gave me
and I just let myself
frolic
under the scalding humid
atmosphere
fooling myself that it was
your love
or something
was it?
was the warmth just
something that
I brought myself
to believe that it was?
Or.. was it real?