I am distracted by the notion
of love
and a little hope
and everything
in between

last thing  i remember
counting backward
cold room fading

chest cracked
exposing heart
broken but
still beating

illusion of control
dissolves like
anesthesia

hours and days
coagulate
dripping
through
my fingers

am i ok
not sure i want 
an answer

sternum
consumed
blue flame
of pain

but

dawn's light
growing

and

i awaken
three month
night

i am ok
but i will
never
be the same

now
I bleed
for all

and none

will bleed
for me

I am not afraid of new places and things
I am not afraid of the unfamiliar
I am not afraid of change
If anything, I am afraid of staying the same.

You are a star
You shine so brightly
You have a future
You are going to be okay
You’re my best friend
I will always be there for you
Don’t worry
Everything’s gonna be okay

I need to start saying this to myself

If pretending was cancer
I would've been dead by now