my heart came to me to tell me she was on the verge of a realization
i was in my favorite state my state of bliss held together by the seams of denial i stitched myself. so i turned her away and told her to come back a year later
she agreed and said she would find me on the edge of myself

at which point i told her i would not be there if she looked for me. i would not be there on the edge of myself. i will have no more edges, i will have sanded all of them away
you will find my doors closed, and locked, and you need not enter.

i said come back a year later and you will not recognize me
come back a year later and you will not find me in a crowd of all the old mes

come back a year later and i will not be who you presume me to be
who you underestimated me to be

who you so sorely held onto the belief that i was.

if i got my revenge i would have broken all the windows in your house. to show you how violated i felt. this is how violated i felt.
like i was naked in my own spaces, like i was exposed in all the worst places, like i couldn't breathe without feeling a threat of a death on me. you said it would be on me if i left.

Garden trellises wrap themselves through the openings
Of my fenestrated illogical thoughts.
The shadowed and shadowy pasts of my past misery
Creeping slowly back up my throat to be lost

Promises were made, she says
Oh foolish student of mine!
Will you never begin to
Comprehend
The scarlet drops of your principles
So brutally hack-sawed
Just the beginning
Of your downward spiral.

Take up arms against your consciousness
Fight to be seen
Fight to be heard
Fight to show yourself that you actually do
Deserve
Contentment
Maybe…?

i hate feeling this way
but at least i’m still feeling something

Pressure intimidate many when addressing the hustling game.
But it seems like all the men facing the blame.
When reports of the news tell their side.

We all know when it comes to affairs there are always two sides.

We had a president and intern played the jousting game.
While some say she is innocent many know she shares the blame.
She went for the play and gave him his way.

Must hustlers of trade illegally have attracted many beauty's this way?
Money is an aphrodisiac in many people lives.
Many mistresses have turned into many men wives.

But this is a fact we mostly avoid to address.
Which we see the affairs facing many celebrities and entertainers.

Many ladies have played the pay for play game.
And used men as a personal tool.

For in life it's been said nothing is for free.

Wondering here like a dream;
  The moon to my left,
    Sat here on my balcony.

                          A soft breeze brushes my hair;
                        Calm as a kiss,
                      My mind drifts in the air.

      A cars headlights glide over the horizon;
        The darkness finds comfort
          Till it hits lights at London;

                                  Red sparkles glisten and glimmer;
                                Shivering remnants of life
                              In an empty place for sinners.

                The opposite shine up above;
                  Stars in darkness,
                    Thinking love not enough.

                                          The only way to come back down to earth
                                         Is by looking up at night
                                       To be lost in a universe.

no more doing things for free
power to the people

no more that isnt a job
power to the people

no more i only make art when im depressed
power to the people

no more hating on others work
power to the people

more coming together
power to the art  

more support to the artists of the universe
power to ME

the anxiety always strikes me at my most vulnerable.
when it is just my thoughts and i, in a darkened room, with no sunlight to be seen.

i am desperate for some sleep.

i used to fall asleep just fine, but now i am burdened by every angry thought that is fighting for my attention.
i try to block them all out and focus on the positive but my mind says there is no positive.

i thought i had kicked my anxiety to the curb, but instead it kicked me to the curb and now it’s dragging me to its home.
“please”, i say, “please leave me alone.”
it does not listen, it slowly drains me until i am empty in the depths of despair.
i cry out for anyone to save me but it has turned all others against me.
it tells me, “i am your only friend”, and i beg and i plead, but it is too late.
i t  has consumed me.