Oh, the sensitivity!
Bombs, guns, war... Even the mention of the likes has the world around her at unease.
How long has it been since youths began using these terms
Without a hint of caution?
Why should it all be taken so seriously now?

She awakens each morning with the same melancholy.
Nothing changes, nothing's new,
She accepts life as it is.
There's a chance we'll be hit tomorrow.
There is a war going on, after all.
But, though she arises in a world left unharmed,
She is in tension still.

She moves on swiftly through another gloomy day.
The sky takes many colours,
The air holds many voices.
Yet, still, she is oblivious.
Her silence: impenetrable.
No joke could arouse laughter.
No insult could provoke anger.
To remain silent is her answer.

But why? No one asks.
Her beauty alone could break hearts.
Her words could mend souls.
Her touch could heal wounds.
Her voice could silence the world.

But no one has asked.
No one has wondered.
Everyone believes she is independent,
She's happy in her isolation,
She is content to continue the life she is living.

But inside she is far from happy.
Her isolation, she believes, is best for everyone.
She depends on everyone to help her,
But knows they cannot help.
No one would understand.
For she has all the answers,
Her words would mend souls.
Her voice would silence the world.

Though the sky takes many colours,
And the air holds many voices,
All she sees are the monsters in her mind.
And all she hears are their murmurs crawling into her reality.
She can see who the real terrorists are.

The truth is; no soldiers, no artillery and no attack can compare
To the threat the monsters bring her.
This is real war.

And that's why she doesn't speak.
She knows no one would understand,
For this she is glad.
But.. No one would want to hear what she has to say.
No one would like her words.
Her voice would silence the world.

I would have loved to have kissed you through
your polo shirt, to have felt your leather chest
on the palms of my hand, get my tongue caught
in the feeling of yours. I bet you would have held
my face, one of those guys, who cradles cheekbones
like pottery. I imagined us, feet tangling in sheets
as we wrestle each other in a small bed
pinning arms against the headboard, pulling ribs
closer to the other so they can connect
in their respective grooves. I would have loved
to have played catch with your smile, circle
your eyes with my own, nibble your shoulder
as we collide. I would have loved to,

but I'm still being haunted by ghosts in good underwear
who gave me more than just a body
for a month or two. By boys who swore
that the time wasn't right now, but it was coming
as fast as it could. I've been sliced open
by flea market promise rings with crooked diamonds,
and I would have loved to have used
you to stitch me back together. But you
are just a boy with your parents wallet,
sweetness baked into tight khaki's
and some really cool vans. You are not
the remedy I attempt to find in Bacardi bottles
or a blank document or even cups of tea.
You are too good for this part of me.
I'm sorry for teasing you with my jeans
and the bit of skin I let peak between
my belt and the rest of my blouse.
Imagine what that would have felt like
on your belly while the November breeze
crept through your open window?
I would have loved to.

Humming Bird Tattoo,
Flaxen hair, celestial one,
Without you (....................) , ALONE

haunting frights slur,
convincing a tired,
throbbing spine to
stumble away from
memories lost in
the unforgiving happy
hours of continuous,
cheap brown lager.

young, blonde pigtails
tap weary broad shoulders
and mumble under
bubble-gum breath:
“strong bones won’t
do a corpse
any **** good.”

the limited view
out of sight

be more open
to other experience

the one you reject
is often the one to help

I forgive you
because I can't forget you
and your love has become essential
so when I say you aren't on my mind
I can swear it's all lie
because even with all you've done
you're still the ******* one
the one in my dreams,
the only one I look forward to see
the face I still am
trying to find amongst the crowd
laying on the floor
here I am, letting it all out
where the hell are you now?
I mean I know you were
never actually here
but loosing you
is still my biggest fear
and with every ******* tear
I pray to a god,
I don't even know is there
that one day, you'll just be
completely gone, out, disappear
because I know you're
the single worst thing for me
out in this crazy world
but in twirl,
you've got me rapped up
in this crazy dream
it's what you make me to believe
where all I think I need
is your touch, your attention
all the things you'll never give to me
because I know what I am to you,
who you see
when you look at me.
I'm not enough.
and the sooner I realize that
the better off I'll be
because even though it hurts
I'm glad you know how to leave
more like slam a door in my face
shoot me down with all your pain.
lock me in this nightmare
where all it does is rain
but, no, I've got to lock that all away
put a smile on my face
because people expect more of me
than to see what you took away
but can't you see?
the real damage that you've done
doesn't lay within your words
but the within your actions
and you run.
run away
from every problem
every day
honey, I'm sorry to say it
but not everything goes your way
but it's all good now
until you put the drink down
until you let it all come in
then let your pretty little self
realize that you didn't win
I know you
and I know you want love
and all these girls you pick up
they aren't enough.
and you know that.
but don't expect any more love
from me
because what you see now
is not what i will forever be
someday, I will move on
and forget what
you've made me out to be
because you don't matter
never have, never will
and I'll never understand
how you dropped me
so easily
but I guess
the past is in the past
and I should let you go
wipe the tears off my face
because you shouldn't be
worth **** to me
but you are,
and until I see that,
believe what I can say so easily
seeing your face, hearing your voice,
is still gonna **** me.
but with every day, every minute
I see a little more
a little clearer
what can I say though?
I can't regret you, I was warned.
but I didn't care
all I saw was the good in you
because that's what I like to see
I block everything else out
because the good
is all I want to believe
but I gotta stop that,
see things, for how they really are
bottle it all away some more
mend my open scars
keep you in my poems
now, in my dream world, lost
so I just guess
after all that you've done
I should just knock it off
move on
and go away
to place
just run away
some escape
from the pain
I can't handle it
and it's all coming my way
I can almost feel it
****
I can't loose you
we were meant to be
this stupid **** inside my head
isn't how it was suppose to be
how could you?
why did you let things get like this?
why do you only remain in my dreams?
all I crave is your attention, your amazing kiss
I love it
and I love you
but no
there you go again
your in my head
I've had enough
this bipolarness is getting rough
I sound crazy
****
crazy in love with you
insane because at the same time
I can't help but hate you
but nothing compares to our passion
when it's just you and me
the side of us
no one ever sees
it's all I've ever wanted in life
you walked away
slit my heart open with a knife
man, I wanted you
I wanted you for the rest of my ******* life
sounds pretty cliche
but with you it was different
it was real
something no body could steal
but I guess I was wrong
and all you'll ever be
is a sad poem or a love song
that you'll never hear or read
it's a side of me
I never want you to see
see the part of me
that needs you
just to ******* breathe.
you'd take advantage of it
so I refuse to show you how vulnerable I am to you
I've never told you the half of it
how I feel
boy, you have no idea
the thought of a day without you
makes me ill
unable to eat
or sleep
it's amazing
this draw to you
what this craving gives to me
is more than love or lust.
I just need you around
Because there's no me without us

You were supposed to protect me
Your little girl
Your little angel
Your only child

You might've loved me
At one time
I think you ended up resenting me
But that's fine

Subjected to your selfish tirades
Put through your gruesome facades
Held up on a pedestal
Only to be pushed down
Your once endearing smile
Now causes me to frown

Everytime the bottle went up
My heart sank down
I begged you
I pleaded you
You weren't there
Not even when I needed you

Sure, you were physically there
But mentally, you were so unaware
Or maybe you were
And just didn't care

You got in your car
Went out for smokes
You were hazy
And at this point, I went crazy
Who were you to risk a life?
Not your own
But maybe somebody's wife?
Somebody's husband?
Somebody's kid?

You don't even care about your own
And I don't think you ever did