today i did drugs
i went over to my friends thinking we'll get high and ill forget
but that wasn't the case
i wasn't happy
when im really high i cant think
its like my body knows where to go but my mind is liquid
i dont think and most times i cant even remember what i did
all i remember is us
and when it wares off i realize that not even drugs can replace you
and that a temporary happiness isn't what i should be looking for
im sorry that we broke up
i miss you so much
next time i see you i'll say that to your face
i'll tell you im sorry
that letting  us slip was a mistake
and even if it doesn't fix us
i know it'll be okay
because the person you have now will treat you the way that i never did, or atleast thats what you think
that i never tried in the first place
even tho i was the reason we went on our first date

I left footprints in the snow
Trailing North, against where the wind blows
You drove East and ended up West
But our time flying South was arguably the best

Walking North, you followed me
It was cold, you provided heat
Snowflake-covered, you laughed at me
Time stood still -- it was just us, we

My books you carried, all thirteen
Me you carried North, to safety
You were helpful, and smiling with me
Until public eyes, us, could see

Then my heart stayed North
For in you I'd found my worth
But you left me for the West
(And stopped calling me your best)

Fight and fight
Push and pull
Always running
Playing the fool

The stinging of tears
The hurt of heartbreak
I'll go back to you
For old times sake

Why do we play
Our little games
When the results
Are always the same

Tears and anger
"Love" and hate
You lure me
I take the bate

Crying and kissing
Bruises and bites
Close up the windows
Turn off the lights
We fall into pattern
Again and again
Falling in love
Falling in sin

So I keep asking myself why I keep trying to fight these battles
I know I have already lost,
And never looking forward enough to recognize the cost.
When this had been a train with no stops to let myself recover,
And I was constantly leaving my imprint in the thoughts of all the others.
I was trying to heal without letting it cross my mind,
Of the time I was touched and the choice wasn't mine.
I kept building all my relationships on vanity and lust
When I realized there wasn't anyone left I could trust.
Maybe I needed to grow up a little,
Gain some self respect back,
Stop smoking cigarettes and drinking six packs.
Maybe it was my fault and I miscalculated my moves,
And I was a pawn in chess and he was a black shadow in the corner of the room.
I wish I could've told someone earlier,
Rebuild the barriers that were crossed,
I just keep asking myself why I keep trying to fight these battles
I know I have already lost.

They stare at you.
They judge you.
They talk about you.
They hurt you.

Why?

Because they're "jealous"
Because they're "abused"
Because they're "hurting"
Because they're mean.

You cry at night,
You want to fight.
But you're scared,
You hate fear.

Your parents ignore you,
Sometimes THEY bully you.
Your siblings laugh at you,
They usually pick on you.

What do you do about this?
Nothing.

those chords constructed vertical ladders,
vines to climb into heaven,
sing thy song rooted tense dissonance
resolves into absolute consonance.
Verbs into consonants.
words into rhythms , cries into hymns.
Thunder into ears, building in pitch
combining rungs climbing into the highest sound heard
backed by the drum of heartbeats, low loud continuance,
surrounding beauty and impulse,
speaking of every one who climbs,
up ,down,
harmony.