Its that feeling I get when I look in his eyes  and I wait for that feeling I get when I look to any one else's eyes and want to automatically look away, but I was drawn to them. It might sound like off a romance book, but that **** actually exists.
I couldn't look away, even as I felt my face getting hot and know I was blushing, I couldn't do it until he did it first.

And all that probably lasted seconds felt like minutes.

I'm tired...
Not the I can't do it,
The i'm done kind of tired...
It's much more complicated...
Imagine a train that runs on dreams
Faith, trust, pixie dust and sunbeams...
What do you fathom would happen
If one day,
It ran out of steam
perhaps like a grandfather clock
one with no tick to its tock
It wouldn't chime on any hour
And the metronome would stop...
So just like any other dead clock
It will not move for its time has stopped
Logical that maybe
But this dream fueled train i speak of...
It's actually me..
My once roaring engine is now cu-put
And the fueling room is empty,
I already burnt the soot
But regardless i still have to move forward
By any means necessary..
So i strip away my accessories
And tear out some useful necessities
I feed them all to the fire
Call me a cannibal if you want
I guess that's what it would seem
Maybe this is what they meant
By nothing ever comes freely
Even enduring has a price...
But i'm still not moving yet...
So i reverse engineer my locomotive of dreams
And covert the power source to my apparently abundant screams
They say that pain is a gate way
To some where that's green
I guess they got it wrong
You're  used like a machine
Sure, you're going forward,
At less than a steady pace,
I'd rather stay still and stuck forever
Than cringe at my own  sullen face
But people cheer on
"Keep going!!! You're almost there!!!"
I whisper, quietly erased...
"I can't afford to.. I have nothing left to spare"
I really thought i'd get some where...
I tried..
I cared..
Even if you want to roll again..
This game of life still isn't fair...
So with my dreams expired
And my resolve retired...
I fall off the tracks and sigh
"I'm tired..."
" So very, very tired..."

It's easy to say I love you when you are face to face.
It's easy to say I love you when you are inside someone.
It's easy to say I love you when they are caring for you.
It's easy to say I love you when the butterflies are in your
stomach and every waking moment is consumed with one another.

But it's not easy to say I love you when they want nothing to do with you.
It's not easy to say I love you when you know they don't love you.
It's not easy to say I love you when it's been a consistent battle to
remain friends.
It's not easy to say I love you when you always choose guys who
make you feel less than you are.
It's not easy to say I love you when I have been waiting four years for
you to feel anything for me.
And it certainly is not easy to say I love you when there is an ocean
separating the two of us.

I don't love you because I need you, I need you because I love you.
Love is not a feeling, or an emotional connection, or an opportunity not to be alone.
Love is dedication, a choice to knit your heart and soul to another because
nobody else can compare to the joy, peace, affection, and trustworthiness that you have.

So I love you. I love you. I love you.
You may never read this, but it's the deepest part of my love for you.

So much  can happen

If you would of ask me what my purpose was some months ago

I wouldn't be able to tell you, I promise you that

I feel as if I can do more

I think my story finally has started

It's like I see everything differently now

Hear everything differently now

Like as if I had ear plugs in my life and only heard the muted sounds

"Just when the caterpillar was beginning her life was over, she began to fly"

This is the part where I find out who I am

And I don't know here I'm going

I don't care where I'm going

But I promise you

I'm on my way

I do not fit
I do not belong
They could not get my wit
It was the right kind of wrong