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Sorry I'm such a burden.
But my depression can show up so sudden.
It comes an goes,
Sometimes when I fake that smile to the world,
I can fake out myself.
I think I'm happy sometimes.
But I never am.
 Nov 2014 Grace P
Francie Lynch
If not in the picture,
Hope you're holding
The camera.
Selfies excluded!
 Oct 2014 Grace P
yasmine
Untitled
 Oct 2014 Grace P
yasmine
I never really knew what pain was like until I woke up mid-sleep and had a longing feeling for you, or when I have a dream about you and I wake up to see you're not there. I never really knew what it was like to miss someone until our fingertips stopped finding each other's warmth and our bodies didn't connect or fall together anymore. And I didn't know what it was like to love or be loved, until your eyes searched for mine in a crowded room or our thoughts connected by the way our eyes met.
I hate what you do to me.
 Oct 2014 Grace P
Danielle Shorr
We grew up
Quickly
Wishing to be older
Wanting nothing more
Than freedom
16 meant driver's license
18 meant cigarettes
And 21 was left for liquor
For gambling
And finally calling yourself
A grown up

It was his birthday
A few weeks ago
The age
We spend our whole lives
Waiting to be
And he came so close
To being it

21
It has been
Half a year
Since his leaving
So abrupt in its presence
Death has a way
Of shaking you
Waking you up
Only to have you fall back asleep
Again
And forget about it
It's hard to remember someone is gone
When you don't see them
Everyday
Loss is funny like that

21
You look through the texts
On your phone
Years back
You didn't know him well
But you knew him
And past tense feels strange
Knowing these kinds of things
Are permanent

21
Your best friend
Introduced you
That night in September
Spent filling lungs with smoke
I think it was a high holiday
The four of you
Laughing over nothing
The irony of it all
Kills me

21
She loved him
Still does

21
Taking hits
Escalates
Into much more
One time
Is all it takes

21
It is his birthday
The first
Without him here
He can finally do
All of the things
We've been doing for years
In secret
In hushed voices
And in hiding from our parents
Except now it is legal
Now it is allowed
Now it is okay
But it is not okay

He is 21
And he is not here
To celebrate

He is 21
And his mother
Is pouring a glass of wine
Alone

He is 21
And his birthday wishes
Sound more like condolences
There are words of grief
Instead of cheers
His facebook
Is a collection of memories
And emotions
He will not be forgotten
We swear

21
We grew up
Wishing to be older
Wanting nothing more
Than freedom
Age may not liberation
But neither
Is death

21
Make sure
To have a drink
For him.
 Oct 2014 Grace P
Mr X
Rarity
 Oct 2014 Grace P
Mr X
It rains diamonds on Saturn...
And there's no need of it there.

Here, we run in short of diamonds
And the desire for it never stops.
...
....

Maybe rarity adds a value.

Even to a piece of glittering rock!

Perhaps that's why we crave love so much...
It's rarity makes it so precious...
 Oct 2014 Grace P
WickedHope
I was born white
turning pink

6 years young
they added black and green
wonder why I grew up so fast
I spent so long not realizing
something was wrong

10 brings tragedy
slight grey and silver
to me and my family

12 years young
with so much blue, black and lust
very ****** up little girl
trusted the wrong people

12 also brought a striking bit of gold
but the blue was too strong
too icy, too dark, too cold

14 and you'd never guess
what I've turned into
black and black and black and grey
then finally met enough red
to make me feel okay

15, 16 red was my life
a pulse, a heartbeat
finally happy and alright
soon though comes doubt
and black seeps back in
how did this happen
I was just a kid

16, 16, the last straw
I can't face red anymore
and red was not
the strong color I thought it to be
red faded, receded from me

17, oh, don't look at me
don't look closely
you won't like what you see
as each addiction returns
bringing friends
my life I've wanted to end
for quite some time now
I'm such a gross color

17 is such a great time
to cut short the life of a girl
who has no colors
invisible
nothing
I don't know why this happened.
But I hate myself so much right now.
I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.
I ******* hate myself, and then I hate myself more for hating myself and "coping."

I hate myself for repeating history and believing promises that are never kept.
I hate myself for loving.
I hate myself for lying to myself.
I am such a stupid, worthless **** up.

I ******* hate myself, but I've never been able to **** myself.
I ******* hate myself for wanting to try to again anyway.
 Oct 2014 Grace P
Just Melz
Touching the
     curves of my mind
   Fabrications of
        missing pieces
Too many
    troubles left behind
            Filled with ugliness,
   and bitter diseases
       Thoughts are somewhat
scrambled
             Yet I know I'm thinking clearly
        Sometimes
Life is a gamble
         Gotta roll the dice
     To reach your destiny
I cry too much,
           Of that I'm sure
     I could blame it on
            Anxiety
         Or all the unjust hurts
****** upon me
      But in the end, I know
It's not what you can see
           It's where you go
And what you believe



I'm gonna start believing
         *in me
What Is done has been done,
There is no life of waste,
Whether I lost or won ,
Just depends on my taste,
And control there is none,
Whether I slow or haste,
May be worth a whole ton,
But its commonly based,

There are much roads to choose,
In this play we call life,
And we haste our hopes through,
Though the message is rife,
Whether lies or the truth,
Its as clear as a fife,
And this verse is the proof,
Sometimes there is no fight,

Cause of thy strings of fate,
Which are deeply controlled,
Through the higher estates,
They take hold of our roles,
With the keys to our gates,
Sometimes leads us to hold,
What is up to our pace,
Cause of this bind toll,

Through the times I’ll realize
That the fates need my kiss,
So I could stay alive,
‘And contain all the bliss,
In which hate’s been revised,
It would be one’s real wish,
To control every life,
But without my own fist,
To do wrong or do right,
Just may be on their list…
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